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If your SO cheated on you and you stayed....***EDITED***

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:29 PM
  • 25 Replies

How did you get past it? Or haven't you? It's been 3 months since my SO cheated on me with a girl he use to hang out with years ago (like over 7 years ago) that came back around after her and her SO broke up. I have accepted his apology but I haven't forgot about it. Whenever we try to be intimate that's all I can think about & I seriously force myself to either get it out of my mind or continue doing "it" All I can think about is him and her together having sex. And I can't forget the fact that I was at home taking care of our 10 month old son trying to call his phone over and over for hours, scared to death he got beat up or hit walking home drunk from the bar. Just to hear the next morning that he was "passed out" and so f'ed up that he couldn'twake up. Then he broke up with me bc I starting "bitching" at him bc of his immature and irresponsible ways to find out 2 days later that he was really cheating on me and had put his phone on vibrate so he didn't have to hear it ring over and over. We have since got back together obviously but I can't get the thought of him & her intimate together out of my head. Any advice?

I just wanted to add that we don't talk about it bc he gets so irrate over it that it causes huge fights so I have learned not to talk about it. But like I said I can't get the images out of my mind. We don't even have to be having sex, I'll just be sitting there watching t.v. and think about it. I have been cheated on before by past boyfriends and I dropped them like a bad habit. But he was my 1st love and the only guy I have ever loved. We have a 1 year old together and exactly 1 week after I found out he cheated we found out we were expecting our 2nd child together. It's just so hard ladies.

CafeMom Tickers


CafeMom Tickers

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ready_for2
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:31 PM

i dont really see how you could be happy like that. my advice would be to just try to move on. i cant imagine how horrible it would be to have sex with hubby knowing he has put it in someone else since you!! i know i would think of it every time too....

im sorry he did that to you, thats just aweful.

firefly63701
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:33 PM

My dh cheated on me 4 yrs ago.  I have forgiven him but I havent forgotten.  He seems to think that it should go hand in hand.  But its hard. I'm always second guesing him.  And I admit I go thru his wallet from time to time looking for evidence.

Leeabee
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:34 PM

My husband did it with a woman he worked with. I made him quit his job on the spot. No 2 week nothing. It was cut all ties or we're through.

As to getting over it... I don't think you ever do. It has been 1 year for us. I have my good days and bad days. The days I see her can be worse. I tell him about them, tell him how I am feeling and we sit and just talk about it. I think there is more that went on than I really know, but I don't think he will ever tell me the "hole truth" about it. So be it. I have to accept that.

The first few months were hard for me as well as him. I wanted to know where he was all the time. I am sure people thought I was some over controlling wench, but it was either that or our marriage was pfft! Now, I have learned to give him leway and he has not taken advantage of it (that I know of).

My only advice to you is time will help. I don't think you will ever forget or "get over it" but at some point you will be able to forgive.  

aviatorswife
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:37 PM

I've never experienced what you are going through, but if I had, I know that it would require couples counseling for me to be able to move forward in our relationship. I would just stew and stew over it and would need help moving on.




The Nation that makes a great distinction between its scholars and its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools.
lauriebash
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:38 PM

I am so sorry. That has never happened to me. Thank goodness. I would NOT be able to get over it. Never. All trust, love, commitment, everything would be gone. I would not be able to take a man back that did that to me.

I do know that a lot of women can take back their once cheating husbands or SOs, however, I have no idea how they can possibly do it.

Our love would just simply be dead to me.

I hope you can get help and wonderful advice. You shouldn't be living like this.

JasKat3
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:38 PM

The best way to get 'over it' is to really talk it out with him and let him know how much it hurts you... But in reality, you will never be 'over it'. You can just make the best of it. If this is something that you just cant see yourself moving past it then its best not to be in the relationship. 

So sorry you had to go through that.. I know how you feel.. same thing happened to me. Back in 2003.. We are still together. But I have put it in the past.. and yes, it was very hard to do and it took a long time.

hisbabybat
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:39 PM

 I'm so sorry you had to go through that :(.

It'll have been a year in february. I have forgiven him but I have not come anywhere near forgetting. I second guess a lot, I don't have the confidence or the overall happiness that I used to. It makes me sick just thinking about it, and I get furious when I hear about cheating as if it's not a big deal. It's still effecting me quite a bit.

All I can really say is you have to want to be with him, for sure, without a doubt, or it really can't work after something like that. He has to prove he can be worth your trust and he has to accept that forgiving and forgetting do NOT go hand in hand. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just how it is!!

deenakate
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:39 PM

13 years ago my DH had an affair with my sister..... Yeah it sucked.. and no I wasnt as strong as I am now.. but I forgave him.. for my reasons, and I forgave her.. it was rocky, hell and worse than that at times... but we made it..

My sister and I have begun having a close relationship, just now..

My DH and I are the closest we have ever been... I am happy that I stuck it out..

My advice for you... is that it does get better, if you want it too.. and since your back together you HAVE to leave it in the past... it took me a long time to learn how to do that.. but... I never brought it back up after I felt all of my questions had been answered to my satisfaction.. since then its been no looking back...

dk

usafwife314
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:43 PM

Honestly, it just takes time.  We were seperated (not legally) and he was with someone else.  The first few months were hard.  I'm past it now.  I hardley ever think about it now.  It was 3 years ago.

Weird that I can let go of that...but still hold on to something that happened 8 years ago.  So it's really going to just depend on you.  You have to truly forgive him before you will be able to move on!



ashmomoftwins
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:43 PM

i have never gone through this. i would not forgive my husband if he cheated on me with another women. it would be hard for me to have sex or even think about it knowing he was with someone eles. but it probably will be hard for a few years.

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