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Am I Being Rude?

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 11:46 PM
  • 20 Replies

My Dad lives with my DH and I. It had been working out OK but lately he is on my nerves... probably because I am pregnant too but here are my issues:

1- He smokes.. ALOT. Outside of course, BUT he walks in the house smelling like an ash tray and then expects me to be okay with my DD sitting all over him. My DH and I have NEVER smoked and neither likes the smell of it.

2- We bought brand new furniture for our house and a recliner for my DH because he really wanted one and we thought it would be nice for me when the baby gets here. My father comes in, and sits in that chair even after he has been smoking all day!

3- He only pays for half of the rent. My DH and I pay all of the other bills, TV, phone, water, garbage, power and so on. Plus we have been putting money into the house (part of rental agreement) and my father hasnt helped in months

4- We have a brand new flat screen that we put on the wall and my dad acts like it is his and watches football, sci-fi, westerns ALL DAY without regards to who else is in the house. My DH and I try not to put anything on we know he really wouldnt like but we all know not everyone can be pleased at the same time.

5- Today I had enough. I left the house for awhile because I knew I would blow up on him. So when I came home, I said: Dad if your not going to attempt to quit smoking then you will need to make sure you have clean smoke-free clothes on before you sit on our new furniture. Nick and I dont smoke so there is no reason for us to have furniture smelling like cigarettes. Also, when the baby gets here that will be my chair for awhile and I refuse to sit in it if it is going to smell like you. So if you dont think you can quit then you need to go to storage and get your furniture so we can switch them  back until you move out"

We have been dropping hints for the last week like " why dont you make payments on that chair? We bought it for Nick and he has only got to sit in it like one even in the weeks we have had it" "if we knew you only would sit in a recliner we would have bought 4 brand new ons and you could have paid for one and still have the same amount of seating" ALL was said with a joking nature but he cant be that dumb can he? So after me talking to him today he went outside to his 5th wheel and didnt come in until we left and guess what? He is still wearing the same clothes that he wore to my grandfathers house in where he smokes like a freaking chimney with his dad and sisters and is still sitting in our brand new chair!

UGH! Am I being rude? Or do I have a right?

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 11:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
a_and_j_momma
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:02 AM

I think it's ok to ask him to please air out before coming in but the rest I do think you're being a little rude. Your dad paying half the rent when there's three of you is more than fair. If you have a problem with him paying half the rent and no utilities, why don't you be fair and split the rent and he pays 1/4 and you pay 3/4, then he pays 1/3 of utilities?

EDIT AFTER: I meant to say 1/4 utilities. Then when the baby is here you can adjust that to 1/5 him, the rest you

As far as the TV goes, you guys need to iron it out. Is he not supposed to touch anything in the living room because you guys pay the utilities? Where is he supposed to watch tv? Is he supposed to pay 1/2 of the rent and be confined to his room?

Does he contribute in other ways? Who watches your daughter during the day? Does he watch your daughter when you guys go on date nights? Why does he live with you to begin with?

lovemykids0303
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:02 AM

Ok, I personally do not know you or your dad or ya'lls relationship, but my dad and stepmom moved in with me for a while.  I didn't mind a bit.  Something about your daddy being across country from you for so long then having him close again.  We have 2 recliners and a couch.  One chair is mine, one my husbands.  My dad took over one of them.  And I was ok with that.  I didn't care if I had to sit on the floor.  My dad was here.  IMO, the furniture is just a replaceable object.  Your daddy isn't.  If you lost your daddy right now, would that chair seem important?  This is JMO.

lovemykids0303
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:03 AM


Quoting lovemykids0303:

Ok, I personally do not know you or your dad or ya'lls relationship, but my dad and stepmom moved in with me for a while.  I didn't mind a bit.  Something about your daddy being across country from you for so long then having him close again.  We have 2 recliners and a couch.  One chair is mine, one my husbands.  My dad took over one of them.  And I was ok with that.  I didn't care if I had to sit on the floor.  My dad was here.  IMO, the furniture is just a replaceable object.  Your daddy isn't.  If you lost your daddy right now, would that chair seem important?  This is JMO.

BTW, my daddy never paid a single bill when he was here.  Not because he didn't offer, but it was not important to me.  I just wanted him with me.

Aamy
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:06 AM

Even though he is your dad, sit him down with YOU and your DH and set some ground rules. Tell him what he needs to pay for, the TV situations, bills and what not. I know its hard, and rough. We live with my dad atm because of job loss. But GL hun.



 


alwaysyoung
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:07 AM


Quoting a_and_j_momma:

I think it's ok to ask him to please air out before coming in but the rest I do think you're being a little rude. Your dad paying half the rent when there's three of you is more than fair. If you have a problem with him paying half the rent and no utilities, why don't you be fair and split the rent and he pays 1/4 and you pay 3/4, then he pays 1/3 of utilities?

As far as the TV goes, you guys need to iron it out. Is he not supposed to touch anything in the living room because you guys pay the utilities? Where is he supposed to watch tv? Is he supposed to pay 1/2 of the rent and be confined to his room?

Does he contribute in other ways? Who watches your daughter during the day? Does he watch your daughter when you guys go on date nights? Why does he live with you to begin with?

I agree with this

KT9105
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:09 AM

You have the right but going purely by what you posted you are also being rude.

Have you ever said anything to him about his smoking before or did you just let it build up until you exploded?  I'm guessing you knew your dad smoked before he moved in with you, it should have been addressed then IMO.

Also, don't drop hints, be clear and concise about what you want.  Don't expect him to read between lines. 

Aamy
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:10 AM


Quoting lovemykids0303:

Ok, I personally do not know you or your dad or ya'lls relationship, but my dad and stepmom moved in with me for a while.  I didn't mind a bit.  Something about your daddy being across country from you for so long then having him close again.  We have 2 recliners and a couch.  One chair is mine, one my husbands.  My dad took over one of them.  And I was ok with that.  I didn't care if I had to sit on the floor.  My dad was here.  IMO, the furniture is just a replaceable object.  Your daddy isn't.  If you lost your daddy right now, would that chair seem important?  This is JMO.

That's nice and cute and cuddly and all, but that isn't HER situation. Just because he is her dad, doesn't mean he should get a free ride. He should be offering to help pay. Its doesn't mean he should be able to come in and take over like its HIS house. Its not his. And he shouldn't be acting like it is. Like i have said, i live with my dad, i know areas are his and his alone. I don't take over stuff. I have even ASKED before i moved stuff around. Because its my FATHERS house, not mine.



 


SAMNMAYASMOM
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:11 AM

No, you are not being rude. He is! I am soooo glad that I do not live with my ex's dad anymore! Smoking/drinking/pissing all over the bathroom floor. Rarely helped me clean the house that HE occupied, too. UGH. Just disgusting. He lived with us when I was still with said ex. We fought a LOT because of him. To ex, his dad can do no wrong. He didn't even pay half the rent, and never paid any of the extra bills, but whined that he wanted cable in his room. So he got it-without being charged a dime.

mysti26
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:12 AM


Quoting alwaysyoung:

 

Quoting a_and_j_momma:

I think it's ok to ask him to please air out before coming in but the rest I do think you're being a little rude. Your dad paying half the rent when there's three of you is more than fair. If you have a problem with him paying half the rent and no utilities, why don't you be fair and split the rent and he pays 1/4 and you pay 3/4, then he pays 1/3 of utilities?

As far as the TV goes, you guys need to iron it out. Is he not supposed to touch anything in the living room because you guys pay the utilities? Where is he supposed to watch tv? Is he supposed to pay 1/2 of the rent and be confined to his room?

Does he contribute in other ways? Who watches your daughter during the day? Does he watch your daughter when you guys go on date nights? Why does he live with you to begin with?

I agree with this


lovemykids0303
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:13 AM

yep.  exactly why I said "I personally do not know you or your dad or ya'lls relationship".  Thanks, though.

Quoting Aamy:


Quoting lovemykids0303:

Ok, I personally do not know you or your dad or ya'lls relationship, but my dad and stepmom moved in with me for a while.  I didn't mind a bit.  Something about your daddy being across country from you for so long then having him close again.  We have 2 recliners and a couch.  One chair is mine, one my husbands.  My dad took over one of them.  And I was ok with that.  I didn't care if I had to sit on the floor.  My dad was here.  IMO, the furniture is just a replaceable object.  Your daddy isn't.  If you lost your daddy right now, would that chair seem important?  This is JMO.

That's nice and cute and cuddly and all, but that isn't HER situation. Just because he is her dad, doesn't mean he should get a free ride. He should be offering to help pay. Its doesn't mean he should be able to come in and take over like its HIS house. Its not his. And he shouldn't be acting like it is. Like i have said, i live with my dad, i know areas are his and his alone. I don't take over stuff. I have even ASKED before i moved stuff around. Because its my FATHERS house, not mine.


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