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Have You Ever Had to Cut Ties With Members of Your Family? If Only For You Sanity...

My husband is having to do this with his parents and brother.  It is too long ot get into, but my inlaws want to make my husband feel bad about himself all of the time.  I cannot stand to see him like this.  So we are having to do this for our sanity and happiness.

by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 11:04 AM
Replies (41-46):
dmesterse
by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 12:10 PM

I dropped my whole side of the family, I didn't intentionally drop one of them, but my sister went with the crowd. I have had a less than desirable past, Well that's exactly what it is the PAST. Well my family couldn't leave it where it belonged. My past was constantly thrown in my face, I couldn't do it anymore. I was not a part of my family anymore, I was more like a distant friend. When you get a call from Disneyland from the whole family on Christmas, when you and your kids are alone. You have to decide what is important. It was not just one thing, it was many. I couldn't call my mother and ask for any kind of help or someone to listen to me without judgement.

I had built an extended non biological family over the years, they were the ones I called when I was in tears, they were the ones who showed up at my door when I needed help. So when an argument started between the 2 sides I was given a choice, my family or my parents. I chose my family, I haven't looked back and it feels good too. No more calls about what they did without me, or hearing about their trip just 2 hours away from me and unable to visit with the grandchildren they haven't seen in over 5 years, when they will travel 3000 mile to see the other grandchildren they see more than once a year.

The decision was not easy, but I feel good about it and have no regrets.

staceyjoy
by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 12:12 PM


Quoting BrandonsMom1000:

 

Quoting staceyjoy:

Yes my husband cut ties with the majority of his biological family for much the same reason. It has been much harder for me than him because I grew up in such a close knit family it was really hard for me to see how horrible they were to him and I just couldn't understand how people could be that way. He is so much happier now and more fullfilled. His parents were very emotionally abusive towards him it was so sad I don't understand how people can treat their children that way.

Prayers and hugs for you and your hubby. It will be hard but sometimes it's for the best.


My FIL even called (and left a message-he is too chicken to call us in person) the day after my husbands birthday and said that had he known my
MIL was sending a birthday card, he would have told her to leave his name off of it.  What bothers me is that my kids heard it and they did not even know who the voice belonged to.  They have seen their grandkids once in the last 2 years.


I think having our son was what gave my DH the courage to finally just walk away for good. He had left a couple times before and was actually very lucky to have met a great woman who took him in when he was in his late teens/early twenties and pretty much adopt him. He doesn't want our children to be exposed to the things he was as a child.

His mother called me at work the week before our wedding and totally flipped out. She told me he was a lying loser and she felt sorry for me because I was marrying him. She said she wasn't coming to our wedding because we invited his grandmother (which we had okayed with his mother previously to make sure she would still come). This was the day after she flipped out and called him all kinds of horrible things for inviting her. At that point my DH just went and got all his stuff from their house and has never spoken to them since. His father has not actually done anything too bad but I feel like letting his wife speak to/about their child that way is just as bad as the actual behavior.

Neither one of them has ever seen either of our children. What a sad loss for them.

I know it's hearbreaking that your children don't know them. I feel the same way many times but we just have to remember that it's probably better for them that way and it's no ones loss but the grandparents. How sad they will not have the amazingness of your children to brighten their world. They have chosen that path with their actions.

mj4ever2000
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:36 PM

Yes I have cut ties with my mom.  Unfortunately she has influence over other people that I was communicating with and they stopped communicating with me because of her.  There is a saying about Karma.  I never throw people under the bus.  God sees and hears everything and I will let him handle her.  I am done with her.  She took it too far by getting my husband involved in me and her problems.  She is a nutcase and beyond help.  I am glad I finally woke up and say her for the hateful person she really is!

rangerwife2
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:39 PM

Yep, we cut all ties with my mil, she went off the deep end after my fil passed away!

Due9
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:59 PM

I have come very close many times. I have never actually done it though because I always hold out hope for the future. I know that if things don't improve soon, I will have to let go of that hope once and for all.

FooLynRoo
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:10 PM

Yes -

One of my brothers was a drunk and drug addict, well he still is. But I hadn't spoken with him for 15 years, I didn't need that in my life, nor my son's life.

I have kept tabs with him through our other brother, I have seen him in passing to say hi to.

More recently this year I did invite him to, he came and behaved at my sons graduation party.

I still dont have a relationship with him.

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