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need advice, please its very important. please dont bring drama into it.

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:42 AM
  • 53 Replies

first let me say, before anyone starts yelling at me and telling me im terrible....i already feel AWEFULL. words can NOT express how terribly discusting i feel at the moment...

some background...i have ADHD, aspergers, bipolar, and BPD (and a few other mental health issues, but they dont pertain to this issue)

and most often, i cant control what thoughts pop into my head...thankfully i have learned thru age and maturity how to keep from sharing my more strange thoughts outloud, and i dont spew out tactless comments any more...thank god for that, it would have been awefull had i said this out loud...


today i found myself thinking unconciously (meaning i didnt think this on purpose, it just sorta popped up in my head)

'i wish my grandmother would just die already, and make everyones life easier'

i LOVE my grandmother. I LOVE HER. SO DEARLY.  words cannot express how much i love her. and i DO NOT want her to die. i KNOW my thought was wrong and horrible and terrible...

my grandmother has MS (progressive relapsing type) she has had it since 8. and has blown all her doctors prognosis away by still being alive at 58 (i think she is 58. give or take a few years either direction)

she cannot stand at all. she can only move her upper body at this point. she has a gaping hole wound on her backside due to "es-scar" (spelling is probably off, but that's what the word sounds like)
she has been so sick this last month...i wont lie, its been a strain on all of us...and then add to the issues i myself have (i wont go thru it all, but my soon to be ex husband hit me, and is now currently harassing me with mean phone calls and text messages and emails (that i do not answer anymore))

i know its just my bipolar...reaching the end of my ropes...and the stress...


obviously i know i cant tell my grandmother this...not in her current condition...

should i take this to my psychologist? or should i move on, forget about it. and chalk it up to stress and don't worry about it anymore (that wont be easy, I'm completely torn up by this stupid heartless thought...)

thank you in advance.

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by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ajjs1972
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:45 AM

make an appt. asap, sweets!

don't feel ashamed, but do go get checked. maybe your meds need ajusted to coincide with age, stress level, etc.

Good luck!

myfoursonsks
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:45 AM

Everyone has random thoughts like that.  We all have thoughts that we cannot control. 

SLGross215
by Sarah on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:47 AM

Maybe going to see someone and talking about might help. Maybe they can give you some insight on why you had that thought in the first place and help you work through it. 

 

 

FotoFlexer_Animation-2.gif #2 picture by SLGross215

BrigetteLyn
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:48 AM

Don't let this eat you up inside! Make an appointment with your psychologist to talk it out...it will help to just get it out in the open to someone who will listen. Your therapist can help you work through your emotions and relieve some stress.

ProudMom9799
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:48 AM


Quoting myfoursonsks:

Everyone has random thoughts like that.  We all have thoughts that we cannot control. 


Mamie_85
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:49 AM

might as well get your meds adjusted, that could help.

or it could have been an honest thought that had nothing to do with your bipolar

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De_Chick
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:49 AM

Honestly my dad had alzheimers and I wished over the course of his disease the he would just die. Its normal for people to do so. Its not that you don't love the person its that you can't stand to watch them suffer. Perfectly normal thoughts and no reason to feel guilty about it. I wouldnt go telling them I wish they would die or anything like that but a thought is just a thought and nothing to be ashamed of. It does not diminsh how much you love the person you are thinking it about. Now if you are thinking perfectly healthy family members should up and die then it would be worrisome.


mommy_lisa25
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:50 AM


Quoting myfoursonsks:

Everyone has random thoughts like that.  We all have thoughts that we cannot control. 


This. I don't have any mental health issues (keeping my fingers tied), but I have a certain family member that is older and causes a lot of stress and strain on the rest of the family. A similar thought has slipped through my mind as well, but it's just a thought and doesn't represent how I truly feel.

EclecticBroad
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:51 AM

You said you don't feel that way.  It was a random stray thought.  Don't give power to it and don't freak out over it.  People have horrilbe thoughts sometimes.  It's expression of stress and emotion...usually repressed.  That doesn't mean you want her to die, and I wouldn't even consider telling her even if she was just fine.

Not every bad thought means a "bad thing."  Consider all that is going on.

BarbaraJean1961
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:51 AM

And the important thing is that you realize it is happening, and you are able to get help. Go see your doctor...it may just be that your meds can be adjusted to help you through the rough spot.

Quoting myfoursonsks:

Everyone has random thoughts like that.  We all have thoughts that we cannot control. 


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