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What makes you so much better?

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:41 PM
  • 22 Replies

I have seen so much bashing on here recently and I am just wondering why?  If someone asks for advice about something it turns into a whole debate where the person that asked for advice in bashed for her decisions, choices, or whatever.  Really what that person needs is support, feedback, and sincere polite opinions.  I just do not understand.

    it seems there is a mindset on here that people are better than others.  I have seen several examples of this:

            - I don't get foodstamps so I am better than mothers that do.

           - I don't get free lunches so I am better than mothers that do.

           - I am pro-life so I am better than mothers that are pro-chpice.

           -I Extended rear face so I am better than mothers that don't.

          - I have a big house so I am better than mothers that don't.

          - I have no debt so I am better than those that do.

I am sure you get the picture and just in case you are wondering those are examples and not true to my life.  I understand that when we do what is best for our family, we get a sense of pride from that.  We may think it is also best for other families and think that others should do the same, but what makes you right?  What if what they do for their family works the best? 

    What would cafemom look like if instead of arguing and name calling and constantly trying to prove we are better, we give advice in a nice and polite way when we think that others should maybe do something differently.  With today being Martin Luther King Jr day I couldn't help but think of one of his quotes "I can not be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be."

     Why don't we work together as mothers to make everyone what they ought to be?  Instead of bashing someone for getting Public assistance why don't we try to give them pieces of information to help them sort things out and better themselves.  Help teach them that there are other ways to life.  Instead of bashing someone for asking a question about child support why don't we answer her question and not worry about what else is going on her life? 

Just my daily thought.  I know that I am no better than any of you, I am just different and I do things differently.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
T45
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:46 PM

 I think a lot of times people just like to cause drama.

If I have something that is sensitive I go to one of my groups where people know my heart and what I am like...No drama just good advice from good friends.


lizzy-k
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:51 PM

i know what you mean. last week someone posted and asked for an "OPINION" i just gave her mine and the next thing one certain person,not the op, started bashing me and telling me that i was a bad person. the op told me that she agree with my opinion but some people set on here and look for drama.

jackdoll
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:51 PM

a person has rights to their opinion until they make someone angry, then the offended party tends to forget that.  THEIR opinion then becomes more important.  

i know i'm new here but wow! some angry people!  relax on the caffiene and let's all mellow.  you have the right to speak your mind, the right to disagree.  remember- you have the right to speak your mind and though i might disagree, i will defend your right to the death.  

i'm right, right? :p 

mandy716
by on Jan. 19, 2010 at 12:55 AM


Quoting jackdoll:

a person has rights to their opinion until they make someone angry, then the offended party tends to forget that.  THEIR opinion then becomes more important.  

i know i'm new here but wow! some angry people!  relax on the caffiene and let's all mellow.  you have the right to speak your mind, the right to disagree.  remember- you have the right to speak your mind and though i might disagree, i will defend your right to the death.  

i'm right, right? :p 


I agree.  I have my opinions and my thoughts and they are just that, mine.  Does that make them right?  it makes them right for me!  I would never tell someone that they are wrong fro doing something different than I do, with some exceptions.  If someone is doing something that I think is abuse, then by all means I would express my opinion.  However, i would do it in a way that would come across as something the person could hear.  When people get catty with others, they just turn their ears (or I guess in this case eyes) off and do not hear it any longer.

donnamama
by on Jan. 19, 2010 at 12:59 AM

we're all a bunch of haters i guess.. lol

NestBaby Baby Birthday Ticker TickerNestBaby Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
RACERBABE02
by on Jan. 19, 2010 at 1:00 AM

I completely agree with you. I had a question about if i was wrong for being upset with my hunny and the forum turned into a bash on him and it kind of bugged me. I just wanted to know if i was wrong in my reaction or not...If i wanted to bash him I would have wrote it differently and said how dumb is he or something like that. I appreciate you writing this post! THANK YOU

EclecticBroad
by on Jan. 19, 2010 at 1:05 AM


Quoting mandy716:

I have seen so much bashing on here recently and I am just wondering why?  If someone asks for advice about something it turns into a whole debate where the person that asked for advice in bashed for her decisions, choices, or whatever.  Really what that person needs is support, feedback, and sincere polite opinions.  I just do not understand.

    it seems there is a mindset on here that people are better than others.  I have seen several examples of this:

            - I don't get foodstamps so I am better than mothers that do.

           - I don't get free lunches so I am better than mothers that do.

           - I am pro-life so I am better than mothers that are pro-chpice.

           -I Extended rear face so I am better than mothers that don't.

          - I have a big house so I am better than mothers that don't.

          - I have no debt so I am better than those that do.

I am sure you get the picture and just in case you are wondering those are examples and not true to my life.  I understand that when we do what is best for our family, we get a sense of pride from that.  We may think it is also best for other families and think that others should do the same, but what makes you right?  What if what they do for their family works the best? 

    What would cafemom look like if instead of arguing and name calling and constantly trying to prove we are better, we give advice in a nice and polite way when we think that others should maybe do something differently.  With today being Martin Luther King Jr day I couldn't help but think of one of his quotes "I can not be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be."

     Why don't we work together as mothers to make everyone what they ought to be?  Instead of bashing someone for getting Public assistance why don't we try to give them pieces of information to help them sort things out and better themselves.  Help teach them that there are other ways to life.  Instead of bashing someone for asking a question about child support why don't we answer her question and not worry about what else is going on her life? 

Just my daily thought.  I know that I am no better than any of you, I am just different and I do things differently.

I agree, which is why I don't actively post threads here in this group.  Reply sure, but I do not post threads.  This is rarely a supportive group anymore.

dusky_rose
by Sue on Jan. 19, 2010 at 1:06 AM

 I was thinking about this today. How the heck is there going to be peace on earth if there can't even be peace on CM? Its like some moms look for the weakness in other moms and then they pick at it and pick at it. I just don't understand it. None of us are "perfect" and none of us are any better than the other person. So why do they put others down other than to make themselves somehow better in their eyes? You know what, if you want to feel good about yourself, help someone else with their problems, give them good advice and if they take it or not, their choice. But I just feel better knowing that I tried to help someone, than to know that I hurt them somehow. Helping people makes me feel good, give it a try for a change. (Not for all moms, just the ones that know who they are).

lvnmylif
by on Jan. 19, 2010 at 1:09 AM

The only thing I bash people on here for is putting their children in danger.  I think it is absolutely ridiculous to allow your children to be abused or subjected to abuse in any form.  I also think many women come on here expecting that they are going to get a pity party and when they don't they get indignant. 

For the most part I try to offer advice or tips that have worked for me.  I am a mother to four boys.  I am happily married and financially secure.  I am mentally stable and well balanced.  I also have difficulties the same as anyone else in this world.  My life is not perfect but it is good. 

I am better than any mother who puts her child in a dangerous situation.  An abusive husband is a danger to your child.  A husband who demeans and insults you in front of your children is also abusing your children.  If he hits you he will hit your children.  A husband who is to busy playing x box to take his kids to the park is neglecting his child.  Any family member or who puts your child in jeopardy should not be allowed around your children.  Everyone in the world is not a threat to your child's well being but people who are should never be allowed in your child's life.

jenzachsam
by on Jan. 19, 2010 at 1:11 AM

I don't bash, I just want yummy Chinese food.  I'm hungry now lol!!!   

"No pain, no gain".  Jen, wife to Sam.  Mom to Zachary, Daniel, and Jasper.  Jasper has Mild Pulmonary Valve Stenosis. 


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