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I'm over it... but she might die so what do I do?

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:20 PM
  • 16 Replies

Ok my mom is dying,( pretty much, slight chance she could live, but slight) we have never had a good relationship, but its my mom and I don't want her to die. But anyway she has a lot of dr appts I have to go to them as she is not supposed to go alone and I am POA. My son has autism so he has a lot of appts, long story short I am a busy person. So anyways a month ago when my mom made her appt for tomorrow I told her if she wants me to drive her to make it later in the day as my kids have got to go to school. She said her boyfriend will take her I can meet her there. Ok plan I got it, good! Well she just calls me and says " be at my house by 7:30" I said mom we went over this you know I can't the kids have school. So she throws this huge guilt trip about how "fine just don't go then" and "why can't Alana take them to school?" ( my lil sis, not her daughter) Well my lil sis works the midnight shift and don't get off til 4 am, thats why. But now I feel all guilty because I have to be there. I just don't know what to do I'm only one person and dh can't take all 3 kids as they sll go to different schools and start way to close to each other. I just want a break, I told her from the start and even as of the weekend her boyfriend was going to drive her and I was going to meet her there. I guess I need to figure something out but damn I'm only one person. Ok there is my vent. sorry if it don't make much sense

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
futureshock
by Emerald Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:23 PM

Your mom is being unreasonable.  Just meet her at the doctor's after you bring the kids to school.

Come on over and read my abortion rights blog:

http://wingnutwatch.typepad.com/wingnutwatch/

samthecat001
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:25 PM

try to keep in mind that she is DYING.  she is going through so much - facing her own death - - its unfathomable to us who arent.
be patient and loving and forgiving.

 




 




  

"Fine. Let's take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain't so fun when it fucks you, huh?" Justins dad

mysti26
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:30 PM

I know and I try and had she givin me more notice this would not be a big deal, I will figure it out. But its just frustrating

Quoting samthecat001:

try to keep in mind that she is DYING.  she is going through so much - facing her own death - - its unfathomable to us who arent.
be patient and loving and forgiving.


De_Chick
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:31 PM

Has your mom been declared mentally incompetent at this point? If she has that might be contributing to her behaviour. If she has not you are not technically her POA as that does not kick in for health care until such time as the person can no longer make medical decisions for themself. Not be confused with POA for financial, which kicks in right away the papers are signed.


samthecat001
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:36 PM

i know... i can see how frustrating it could be.
it will take more strength than you think you have to get through this time with her...in all ways, the patience and emotion and all that.... i am so sorry you have to go through this.
but as corny as it sounds...cherish all these crazy moments with her.  when she is gone you will wish you could go back and relive even the very worst moments.
maybe you and her boyfriend (and your siblings) can get together and work out a real schedule and get it really organized so one of you can be with her - or on call for her - all the time.  its taxing - and demanding - but i think this is a time when that should not matter.
**more hugs to you**

Quoting mysti26:

I know and I try and had she givin me more notice this would not be a big deal, I will figure it out. But its just frustrating

Quoting samthecat001:

try to keep in mind that she is DYING.  she is going through so much - facing her own death - - its unfathomable to us who arent.
be patient and loving and forgiving.

 


 




 




  

"Fine. Let's take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain't so fun when it fucks you, huh?" Justins dad

mysti26
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:39 PM

its hard to explain, she can sometimes made rational decisions but not always which is why yes POA is in effect. Her drs even talk to me not her as we never know how she will "twist" (not sure if that would be the right word) But don't know how she takes it, I guess. but she has a  problem in her liver as well and that detoxifies the brain and it obviously don't always detoxify hers. So yes that could contribute

Quoting De_Chick:

Has your mom been declared mentally incompetent at this point? If she has that might be contributing to her behaviour. If she has not you are not technically her POA as that does not kick in for health care until such time as the person can no longer make medical decisions for themself. Not be confused with POA for financial, which kicks in right away the papers are signed.


Inana
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:41 PM

Your mother must under stand that your children are you main priority...no matter what.  She must know that life goes on for everyone else even if she is going through this trying time.  She should be alittle more understanding of this.  Seems to me that she just wants all attention on her and wants everyone to jump when she commands because she's dying.  We're all dying.  She wants more sympathy than what is humanly possible.  Lovingly, put your foot down with her.  Explain to her that you're only one person and there are others that rely on you.  It doesn't matter what you do for her, she's going to die anyway.  If you don't care for your children because of caring for her, they could get harmed or death could occur.  How would you feel then?

mysti26
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:41 PM

Your right, 100% right. Thank you

Quoting samthecat001:

i know... i can see how frustrating it could be.
it will take more strength than you think you have to get through this time with her...in all ways, the patience and emotion and all that.... i am so sorry you have to go through this.
but as corny as it sounds...cherish all these crazy moments with her.  when she is gone you will wish you could go back and relive even the very worst moments.
maybe you and her boyfriend (and your siblings) can get together and work out a real schedule and get it really organized so one of you can be with her - or on call for her - all the time.  its taxing - and demanding - but i think this is a time when that should not matter.
**more hugs to you**

Quoting mysti26:

I know and I try and had she givin me more notice this would not be a big deal, I will figure it out. But its just frustrating

Quoting samthecat001:

try to keep in mind that she is DYING.  she is going through so much - facing her own death - - its unfathomable to us who arent.
be patient and loving and forgiving.

 

 


mysti26
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:44 PM

That is so much of my point... that I will not allow my kids to suffer, I will be there for her at all costs but not at the expense of my kids

Quoting Inana:

Your mother must under stand that your children are you main priority...no matter what.  She must know that life goes on for everyone else even if she is going through this trying time.  She should be alittle more understanding of this.  Seems to me that she just wants all attention on her and wants everyone to jump when she commands because she's dying.  We're all dying.  She wants more sympathy than what is humanly possible.  Lovingly, put your foot down with her.  Explain to her that you're only one person and there are others that rely on you.  It doesn't matter what you do for her, she's going to die anyway.  If you don't care for your children because of caring for her, they could get harmed or death could occur.  How would you feel then?


De_Chick
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:47 PM

Maybe see if there is someone else who can share the responsibility of POA with you if you feel that it is too much for your to do on your own. How is her boyfriends state of mind and would he go along with what her wishes would be? Or does she have any siblings who might be willing to step up?


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