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I was in a good mood... Why did I call my mom tonight???

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:26 PM
  • 5 Replies

This sounds terrible because I love her but she is depressing me... All my life she has struggled.  We got by and I always had the stuff I needed.  I kind of always resented the fact that I paid my way through everything.  School, my cars, places to live since age 19 but now I don't resent that anymore I just wish there was more I could do.  DH and I have been getting by for so long now and we are finally getting a little ahead.  I just talked to my mom and she is sad I think.  My stepdad is 55 and barely making money and they take out those stupid pay day loans where you have to pay an insane amount of interest.  I called her to talk about the babies but It always turns to money.   I didn't know that she was struggling like this.  I called to tell her I got a promotion... Instantly she starts about the bills.  I have just enough $this month to pay the bills... Finally though things are looking up.. Like we might be able to save in a month or 2.  For now I'm not sure what to do.  I feel guilty.  Do I send her money and set myself back?  She didn't ask for it but she sure got her point across...  I might sound selfish butI've always been a little bit of a pushover and am tired of feeling this way.  I am tired of feeling sorry for my family.  I have made something that I can be proud of... My family... My life... My career... So maybe I'll just send what I can and that is it... I think it is time for me to be a little selfish and care about us... Me DH, DS and the twins.  Why do I feel so guilty though? 

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:26 PM
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Replies (1-5):
athenax3
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:28 PM

Because you're a nice person, so you feel like you're "supposed" to help everyone, but sometimes eventually it has to be about what's best for you and yours.


Zanny
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:33 PM

My Mom used to do the same thing to me.. I finally stopped giving her money, when she asked me for $5,000 and I didn't have it to give to her, and she went and told everyone and anyone who would listen that I was a greedy bitch...  I told her, and anyone who asked me why I wouldn't help her out, that "I have a $315K mortgage, 2 kids, and 2 car payments, along with everything else.. I just don't have the extra money to give"

Quoting davidsmom81:

This sounds terrible because I love her but she is depressing me... All my life she has struggled.  We got by and I always had the stuff I needed.  I kind of always resented the fact that I paid my way through everything.  School, my cars, places to live since age 19 but now I don't resent that anymore I just wish there was more I could do.  DH and I have been getting by for so long now and we are finally getting a little ahead.  I just talked to my mom and she is sad I think.  My stepdad is 55 and barely making money and they take out those stupid pay day loans where you have to pay an insane amount of interest.  I called her to talk about the babies but It always turns to money.   I didn't know that she was struggling like this.  I called to tell her I got a promotion... Instantly she starts about the bills.  I have just enough $this month to pay the bills... Finally though things are looking up.. Like we might be able to save in a month or 2.  For now I'm not sure what to do.  I feel guilty.  Do I send her money and set myself back?  She didn't ask for it but she sure got her point across...  I might sound selfish butI've always been a little bit of a pushover and am tired of feeling this way.  I am tired of feeling sorry for my family.  I have made something that I can be proud of... My family... My life... My career... So maybe I'll just send what I can and that is it... I think it is time for me to be a little selfish and care about us... Me DH, DS and the twins.  Why do I feel so guilty though? 


laidbackmommy
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:36 PM

My MIL is the same way.  DH tried to be good and we tried to help a few times, but somehow MIL always ended back where she was just barely getting by.  And because we had helped before, it almost became expected that we would help again.  We finally just had to say that the last time was the last time and mean it.  It's very hard, but we wanted to be able to save and do more than just barely get by ourselves.  I totally get where you're coming from, but I'd say it's totally time to be "selfish" (which you're not being, by the way!) and just worry about the family you and your DH created.

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haileysmama05
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:41 PM

That is your mother but you shouldn't have to feel indebted to give her money everytime you talk to her- that's just not right. If you decide to send her some anyway, make sure you don't send her that much to where it will set YOU back. you should be proud of yourself for getting ahead, don't let her bring you down! Congrats on the promotion :)

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Wendy_June
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 7:41 PM

If you give her money now she will expect more later. She's an adult, she can make her own money. My parents make less than my DH and I but they would NEVER ask me for money.

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