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Do I let him sign over his rights?

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:51 PM
  • 13 Replies

My ex husband is not abusive or drug abusing or anything like that... he is just well "not ready to be a father anymore."

We have a 4 year old daughter who is very bent out of shape about her dad being absent, and a 2 year old son who seems to think Craig (bio dad) is just some other dad he has, but he identifies my DF as "daddy".

Eric (DF) and I also have a 2 month old son. We are getting married in Feb of next year.

Eric wishes Craig would stop being an ass hat and actually be involved with the kids because he sees how badly it hurts my daughter. But at the same time, he wants nothing more than to adopt my kids and be their "real" dad.

My lawyer has advised me to not even try processing the paperwork until Eric and I have been married for 6 months. At that time my kids will be 4 and 6.

My friends have told me this is just an easy ticket for their bio dad to no longer pay child support, which we do need because we are financially struggling. They also point out that nothing really changes for the kids except their last name because Eric is already a dad to them, and Craig sees them maybe 5 days a year... if that.

Eric says if Craig doesn't want to act like a father he shouldn't be their father...

What would you do... have you gone through this?

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mamajen07
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:54 PM

DO IT! ...why bother with a man that wants nothing to do with your kids? let your DF step up and be their daddy. i feel terrible for your little girl. i am SO glad my daughter is too young to understand, b/c her sperm donor isn't in the picture either. my husband daddy to her, and the only daddy she knows, unfortunatly now the deadbeat does want to be involved =(

Just_Bethy
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:55 PM

NO Bollox! He doesn't want to be a father?? seriously?>? Tough luck buster....!! He didn't just stop and one child either he has 2 so he knew what he was doing....He needs to man his butt up and start paying...as for not seeing the kids...Don't worry...He will eventually have to deal with that when the kids grow up and turn up on his door step wanting an explaination! 





Drillers Wife, Toughest Job In The Oil Field.

prestonjohn
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:56 PM

its not just a name change its a security to those kids that there is a man in there life that will be their father and love them and nurture them,,something that they can say see he loves us...so what if it lets him off the hook for support,,its only money,,he can decide one day to "hide from the system" and then there is no money,,at least if they are adopted then they are covered in more ways than one,,with his insurance,,SSI, all that jazz,,,i dont know, my advice is let him adopt them and then the other guy is out of the picture till the kids decide to see him,,if ever again

jkleinman
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:57 PM

Do what is best for you little ones.  It does not sound like "daddy" is the best thing for them if he doesn't want to be around.

Steph1499
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 8:59 PM

my oldests  bio dad signed over his rights when she was 5 months old. we were both 17 but it was the best thing i ever did.  I didnt want money from him i wanted him to be a dad and if he couldnt then there was no reason for him to be around.   Thats the wway i feel about it.   He has seen her once since he then and she was 2 or 3 and it was just because we ran into him at a event.  but shes 11 now so  if she ever wants to find him later she can do it  when shes 18. 

AMarineLovesMe
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:05 PM

I went through this with DS sperm donor.  He hadn't seen DS since he was 3 months old and right before he turned 2 he emailed me and said he wanted to sign up his rights.  I knew it was just because he didn't want to pay CS anymore, and even though I knew it was him once again taking the easy way out it was one time that it was the best for everyone involved.  DH and I had just got married and he was dying to be able to adopt DS and be his real daddy.  As soon as DS turned 2 we filed the papers and got rid of sperm donor.  It's funny because DS has an amazing daddy now, my loser ex is completely out of his life, BUT he is still paying rears child support lol.  The state would only stop future support.  So if you think that letting him sign up his rights is the best thing for your family then do it.  Who cares if it's the "easy way out" for your ex, or if he's just doing it for child support, all that truly matters is that your daughter is loved and cared for and has a daddy that wants to be there for her.  Your ex will one day realize how much he screwed up and have no one to blame but himself.

LuvmyAiden
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:09 PM

To hell with making him pay and "forcing" him to man up! He will get his in the end. Do what is best for your kids and let them legally have the daddy who loves them. Your life will be simpler with no ex involved and your hubby will have full rights to the kids he loves and raises. I have a son who's bio dad has never even seen him and my DH has a daughter with his exwife and honestly my situation with my son is SO much simpler. No ex No drama. The money of child support might be nice but not having the drama and my son not having to spend time with a man who doesn't want him is every bit worth not having it. Good Luck in whatever you do.

2boys_1girl
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:19 PM


Quoting prestonjohn:

its not just a name change its a security to those kids that there is a man in there life that will be their father and love them and nurture them,,something that they can say see he loves us...so what if it lets him off the hook for support,,its only money,,he can decide one day to "hide from the system" and then there is no money,,at least if they are adopted then they are covered in more ways than one,,with his insurance,,SSI, all that jazz,,,i dont know, my advice is let him adopt them and then the other guy is out of the picture till the kids decide to see him,,if ever again


He does all those things already... (minus the financial) and he and I have already discussed that if god forbid we divorced (no plans too, obviously) he would take all three kids for visitation etc...

But I definately get what you are saying... I just don't want my kids to resent me someday for taking their real dad away.

melodysmomma04
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:23 PM

i would say let him sign over his rights!!! yes your children are hurting now...but when they get older they will see who was there to help them and support them and most of all LOVE them....my DD doesnt understand our situation either but all i tell her is when you get older you will understand more.... yes you may need the money right now but man i would give up child support any day to let him sign over his rights!

AuroraCarly
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:27 PM

Do it! It may be an easy way out. But if you children see your DF as their daddy anyway. I grew up having to explain to people why my last name was different than my families and sperm donor was never there. What a pain in the ass. Especially when I've been doing since I was 5. I wished my whole life to have my stepdad to adopt me. Better than to force a deadbeat into something he doesn't want and have your children face that heartache their whole life. I'm dealing with an overall deadbeat mom and wish I could just adopt my SD. That would make life so much easier.

Stepmommy to 1 Awesome Little Girl!



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