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Opinions on a Serious Situation

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:46 PM
  • 23 Replies

Hello Ladies, I am curious to know your thoughts on this serious matter. Please comment, but try to keep this post drama free.

A good friend and I went out for coffee and conversation this morning and we got to talking about my friend's boyfriend. My friend is A-Ok with having porn in her relationship. She says that she and her boyfriend used to watch it together and she is ok with him looking at porn and he is ok with her looking at porn.They have been dating for 3 years and she tells me they are happy. No cheating problems..ect..

Her issue, however, is this... Lately her boyfriend has been looking through facebook pictures of girls that he works with. My friend knows two of the girls at his work and she is friends with these girls. Last night she told me that she woke up really late to find her boyfriend had locked himself in their computer room. She knocked on the door and asked to come in. When he answered the door he basically had his pants down and she told me he had obviously been masturbating. The next morning she looked on her boyfriend's history and she saw facebook photos of girls he works with. She told me she also found 2 porn videos.

So, she told me she doesn't know if she should be hurt or not. She hasn't confronted her boyfriend about the facebook photos. She said she doesn't know for sure that he was masterbating to the photos, the porn videos, or both. She told me that she isn't okay with him looking at her friends photos. These girls that her bf works with are very pretty and, while she says she trusts her boyfriend, she doesn't want him jacking off to photos of them (totally understandable imo). She said there were A LOT of photos on his computer history though.

So, she was asking me for advice on how she should confront her bf about these photos. She says that she doesn't want to attack him...but she also wants him to know how upset she is. I don't know what to tell her. She called me tonight for more advice (she lives with her bf..and she says she can't even look at him). She doesn't know how to tell him that porn is okay...but real life friend photo masturbating isn't.

I don't know what to say to her. She said she is going to sleep on it before she confronts him, but I would love some opinions/ tips/ advice on how to help her.

What woudl you do in her situation? I told my friend I would be hurt too, but I dunno.....

Arrrgggg real life drama sucks. I would hate for my friend to get in a huge fight with her boyfriend over a misunderstanding, but at the same time...what if her boyfriend acts on his 'urges' towards the girls he works with.

Thanks for any advice. I told my friend I would call her in the morning.



I am an educated, breastfeeding (it IS best, there is nothing even close to that nutrition and bond), co-sleeping, extended rear facing (if you don't rear face to the maximum of your seat, you're NOT doing all you can to protect your child), baby wearing, Non spanking (I want my kids to respect me, not fear me) ANTI- CIO, cloth diapering, organic (chemical free household!) recycling, liberal, pro-choice, atheist mama to a beautiful two year old girl! My S.O. is my equal and my best friend, not my master and I believe basic health care should be a human RIGHT not a privilege!

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
raegansmom
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:53 PM

If it were my DH, I would give him the benfit of the doubt.  I would think he was on Facebook either before or after the porn/jack off part fo his evening.  I see nothing wrong with looking at your FB friends pics.  It seems a bit of a stretch that he was for sure masterbating to them?!?

ballerina18
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:59 PM


Quoting raegansmom:

If it were my DH, I would give him the benfit of the doubt.  I would think he was on Facebook either before or after the porn/jack off part fo his evening.  I see nothing wrong with looking at your FB friends pics.  It seems a bit of a stretch that he was for sure masterbating to them?!?

In regards to the girls at his work being her boyfriend's friends...

I kinda said the same thing to my friend. I asked her "How do you know he wasn't just looking through photos just for the hell of it?"

My friend is skeptical because her bf was apparently looking through a lot of albums. My friend tells me that these girls are not his friends. She told me that he hates this one particular girl that he works with. So, she was like "Why look at her photos if he hates her? Why even be her friend on FB? Why would he look through all of her albums?"

So, I dunno...i think it's a tricky situation.

If this were your DH, how would you approach the situation if you were to give him the benifit of the doubt?



I am an educated, breastfeeding (it IS best, there is nothing even close to that nutrition and bond), co-sleeping, extended rear facing (if you don't rear face to the maximum of your seat, you're NOT doing all you can to protect your child), baby wearing, Non spanking (I want my kids to respect me, not fear me) ANTI- CIO, cloth diapering, organic (chemical free household!) recycling, liberal, pro-choice, atheist mama to a beautiful two year old girl! My S.O. is my equal and my best friend, not my master and I believe basic health care should be a human RIGHT not a privilege!

Supervane
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:02 PM

To me it sounds like he has just crossed the fine line of whats OK and whats not (as far as Porn goes) in their relationship. From your description it sounds like he wants to take his porn viewing to the next level and wants to start fantasizing about women he knows threw work etc... If she were my friend I would encourage her to re-evaluate her relationship boundaries with him, and if nothing changes with that than re-think the whole relationship it self!

raegansmom
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:04 PM

Honestly, I would not approach it at all.  I would maybe keep an eye on what he is looking at online if I am really concernedUnless more came of the situation, I would just leave it alone.

lilmom71
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:05 PM

So she trusts him just not enough to invade his privacy?

ErikaM27
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:05 PM

I saw my husband like this once let me say that was the last time he was going to pull that crap. I was cleaning the house and he had closed the door to the bedroom it was 10 p.m. we were all awake. I walk in and there was a picture of this girl and he quickly closed the windows. I told him how I felt and I wasn't just going to let it go. If it hurts her feelings she needs to confront him about it. Believe me it could be this now and if she lets it go he'll end up taking it further.

ballerina18
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:07 PM


Quoting Supervane:

To me it sounds like he has just crossed the fine line of whats OK and whats not (as far as Porn goes) in their relationship. From your description it sounds like he wants to take his porn viewing to the next level and wants to start fantasizing about women he knows threw work etc... If she were my friend I would encourage her to re-evaluate her relationship boundaries with him, and if nothing changes with that than re-think the whole relationship it self!

Thank you for your reply. That is what I am afraid of for her...that she is going to have to re-think her relationship. She really loves her bf and they have discussed marriage, but she is already questioning him. He used to sleep around a lot (like- a lot of one night stands) before he met my friend. They've had a great relationship for these 3 years..but if it were me..I would be SO HURT if my SO were fantasizing about other girls that he knows in real life!



I am an educated, breastfeeding (it IS best, there is nothing even close to that nutrition and bond), co-sleeping, extended rear facing (if you don't rear face to the maximum of your seat, you're NOT doing all you can to protect your child), baby wearing, Non spanking (I want my kids to respect me, not fear me) ANTI- CIO, cloth diapering, organic (chemical free household!) recycling, liberal, pro-choice, atheist mama to a beautiful two year old girl! My S.O. is my equal and my best friend, not my master and I believe basic health care should be a human RIGHT not a privilege!

ballerina18
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:09 PM


Quoting lilmom71:

So she trusts him just not enough to invade his privacy?

I don't see how she invaded his privacy. They share a computer (they live together) so it's just as much her computer history as it is his history.

It's not like she hacked into his private email.. she just noticed some fishy stuff on the computer history.


I am an educated, breastfeeding (it IS best, there is nothing even close to that nutrition and bond), co-sleeping, extended rear facing (if you don't rear face to the maximum of your seat, you're NOT doing all you can to protect your child), baby wearing, Non spanking (I want my kids to respect me, not fear me) ANTI- CIO, cloth diapering, organic (chemical free household!) recycling, liberal, pro-choice, atheist mama to a beautiful two year old girl! My S.O. is my equal and my best friend, not my master and I believe basic health care should be a human RIGHT not a privilege!

ballerina18
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:12 PM


Quoting ErikaM27:

I saw my husband like this once let me say that was the last time he was going to pull that crap. I was cleaning the house and he had closed the door to the bedroom it was 10 p.m. we were all awake. I walk in and there was a picture of this girl and he quickly closed the windows. I told him how I felt and I wasn't just going to let it go. If it hurts her feelings she needs to confront him about it. Believe me it could be this now and if she lets it go he'll end up taking it further.

Thank you for your reply. I found it helpful. You make a good point--it could be this fishy business now..but later on..what if one of the girls from work show a real interest in my friend's bf. What would he do then?

Also, it makes me wonder--if they are okay with porn in their relationship--why would he lock the door to the computer room? They don't have any kids to worry about.



I am an educated, breastfeeding (it IS best, there is nothing even close to that nutrition and bond), co-sleeping, extended rear facing (if you don't rear face to the maximum of your seat, you're NOT doing all you can to protect your child), baby wearing, Non spanking (I want my kids to respect me, not fear me) ANTI- CIO, cloth diapering, organic (chemical free household!) recycling, liberal, pro-choice, atheist mama to a beautiful two year old girl! My S.O. is my equal and my best friend, not my master and I believe basic health care should be a human RIGHT not a privilege!

ballerina18
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:59 PM

Bump?


I am an educated, breastfeeding (it IS best, there is nothing even close to that nutrition and bond), co-sleeping, extended rear facing (if you don't rear face to the maximum of your seat, you're NOT doing all you can to protect your child), baby wearing, Non spanking (I want my kids to respect me, not fear me) ANTI- CIO, cloth diapering, organic (chemical free household!) recycling, liberal, pro-choice, atheist mama to a beautiful two year old girl! My S.O. is my equal and my best friend, not my master and I believe basic health care should be a human RIGHT not a privilege!

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