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Is it bad for boys to be raised without a father figure?

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:52 PM
  • 14 Replies

My oldest son's father is not around. I never thought about what it might do to him or feel like growing up without a father figure in his life.  Everyday after school he goes outside and throws a football around by himself and again I never thought anything of it.  Yesterday he had a friend over.  When the kids dad got here he got out of the car with his son and he (the father) stayed for awhile and tossed the football around with my son.  At that moment while watching that dad and my son throw a football around, it really made me sad for my son.  It hit me that he doesn't have this in his life.  My son was so happy that he actually had another person (a dad to make it better) out there throwing the ball around with him. 

Do you think boys are okay without a father figure in their lives? Do you think he is craving a father figure in his life? 

by on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Christy78
by on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:54 PM

 

 

    MY son only has his uncles and his papa. My son was 2 when his daddy was killled  and He will be 8 in Feb .   MY firends ex husband  he did not have a father  and he turned out fine he is an Captin in the Marines

Kizbee
by on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:56 PM

I'm sure experts say that it's important to have positive male role models, not necessarily a father.  I really think they can be okay.  Do you have other male relatives around him?  You could also look into Big Brothers.  My bff has one for her son, because his dad passed away a few years ago.  He's a teen now, but still hangs out with his "big brother."

gcstar42
by Shara on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:56 PM

sure anybody is better with a mom and dad who both love them but its just not always possible. its better for him not to have a father at all than to have a father who doesnt care and love him and treats him badly.

Tatum2U
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:56 PM

I do think it matters but you may be able to find another way to get him that male role model like maybe an uncle , grandfather or looking into big brothers or something.

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”
– Douglas Adams


Proud Atheist

tashibaby
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:56 PM

No but i do think you have to talk to him about it at some point

matofour
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:59 PM

I think it happens a lot, but clearly it is ideal for a child to have both a mother and father figure.

Have you looked into big brothers/big sisters?  That is such a great program,and its in pretty much all areas.

Sometimes its just life, and you can't help that people aren't around.  But, yes, I think it is helpful for a boy to have a male figure in his life, as I think it is helpful for a girl to have a woman figure in her life. 

I think he will be okay either way, I think that he will grow up to be a great kid because you are there for him no matter what, but I also think there just comes a point where a boy wants and needs the advice of a male figure.  But, sometimes there is just no one avaliable, and he will turn to you, and you just do your best.

Try looking into big brothers/big sisters, they are really are a great organization.

mcsmom1
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2010 at 4:59 PM

I think that a child learns the most from their same-sex parent.  A boy needs his dad and a girl needs her mom.  That's an ideal situation.  It's not always possible, so do your best!

KairisMama
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2010 at 5:03 PM

I think it's a shame for any child to not be raised with a father figure. That doesn't mean single parents don't do a fine job though.

        Kairi  


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judybant
by on Jan. 23, 2010 at 5:05 PM

 it's not bad for them to be raised without a father "figure"... but it IS bad for them to be raised without their father.

My oldest son's sperm donor was only interested in how much an abortion would cost, and whether or not I expected him to pay the ENTIRE bill, or if I was going to chip in. I didn't have an abortion, because I do not believe that killing a baby because I made a mistake is right. I have 5 older brothers, and a father, and my son's other grandpa was in his life, as well as close friends' husbands. My son had at LEAST 10 active male roll models in his life. He's attempted suicide twice, and when he looks in the mirror, he sees someone who is not only unloveable, but who doesn't deserve anything good in his life, all because his sperm donor chose not to be involved in his life. In my son's head, if 50% of the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally would rather have seen you not born at all, (I did not tell him this... his sperm donor told him this when he was 12... he's going to be 21 in April) that there MUST be something fundamentally wrong with you.

And yet, every single person who has ever encountered the young man, from the time he was little on, has been positively affected by him. EVERYONE falls in love with him instantly. He's charming, good looking, extremely intelligent, VERY funny, kind, loving, caring, generous, thoughtful, and a dozen more positive adjectives you can imagine. HE is the only person who feels any negative feelings about him. Yet, he can't see that.

So yes, I would say that it IS bad for a boy (or any child, for that matter) to be raised without their FATHER in their life, and that there WILL be negative consequences at some point if he is not involved, for any reason other than he was an actual danger to the child, the child's mother, or had died. THOSE things a kid can deal with. But when the asshole just CHOOSES to not be there... THAT screws with a kid's mind, BIG TIME!

RaeLynn1221
by on Jan. 23, 2010 at 5:07 PM

That's sad, poor guy. Do you have any male family members or friends? I think every child no matter what should have a father figure in their life. I know you cannot always help how things turn out in life though.


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