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I don't know why this is bothering me....Ugh, In-Laws

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:08 AM
  • 19 Replies

So, I am having a baby by scheduled C-Section (please don't bash me. My first was a medically necessary C-Section and they are so close together, it's the only way the doc will deliver him). He's coming on Wednesday! We've known for months that he was going to be here at the end of January and have let everyone in our families know.

A week later, on the 3rd of February, my DD is going to be turning 1. We are having a b-day party for her that weekend. I sent out invitations at the beginning of this month just to get an idea how many people will be there.

My DH just talked to his mother today. My in-laws are leaving on Feb. 1st until the 11th on a vacation to Yellowstone. This is something they just planned in the last month...after they got the invitation and WAY after they knew Matthew was coming. They live three hours away, so it's not a huge distance, but they did let DH know that they would not be coming to see Matthew until after their vacation and of course would be missing Audrey's Birthday party.

I realize this is the kind of people they are. In their minds "What's the big deal? She's only 1 and she won't even remember it". But she will remember in pictures of her b-day party that her grandparents weren't there. And they aren't even going to attempt to try to see their first grandson. I just have a hard time relating to them...my parents are the complete opposite. Every little milestone, they want to know about. Every birthday will be special because it's the 'only time they will turn 1...2...3...etc'.

Eventually I just think that my children will end up feeling like one set of grandparents loves them more than the other and that really hurts my feelings. Okay, being 9 months pregnant doesn't help either, but still. My DH doesn't understand why it upsets me. I WANT them to be close to both sets of grandparents, but when one set doesn't see anything important about birthdays and even being born...I just don't see that happening.

Am I wrong to be upset?

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by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MsDean
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:13 AM

No you are not wrong to be upset. I had a similar situation and let me tell you it only got worse after that birthday incident.

Me in a nutshell: *Married* *love reading* *hate going to theaters* *wine drinker* *SAHM*  *sometimes call my kids by the wrong name* *mom of 3 brats*

tishalb
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:15 AM

I say don't waste anymore of your time worrying about them!!! It is their loss not yours. They will regret it someday that they weren't there for those moments in these sweet childrens lives!!! You do your thing and enjoy these precious moments, and let them do their thing!!! Don't let their nonchalant attitudes affect you for one more minute!!!

lovnmybaby
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:18 AM
Oh I'm sorry mamas I feel for u! My in-laws are a waste air and I'm happy I don't have to nother with them! I don't have to stress about stuff like your doing and were all happy! My parents more than make up for it! Their more than enough grandparents lol! Don't push a relationship cuz your children will feel the stress! If they don't wanna come, who cares! Your babies are loved it doesn't matter how many grandparents they have!all about quality not quantity lol! Cheer up! Enjoy your children! And congrats on new baby!
MixedCooke
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:19 AM

In a way yes, families are different in how they show their love and how much of it they show.  Some arent all mushy mushy while others can be smothering with it.  My Mom loves me but isnt all affectionate and mushy whereas his parents are.  His parents practically have a shrine of our daughter at their house and my Mom has a few albums and a couple of pictures out. 

Yes it would be nice for them to be there for both, but those that are important are you, your hubby and your daughter and the new sibling and that is what counts.  They may still stop in on their way home or on their way over there. 

 

misssy2000
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:39 AM

OMG thats the reverse situation with my mom. lol With dd first birthday she didnt want to come because "kids have birthdays every year". I wanted her at my dd birht and she said "why cant  u do anything by yourself, do u need an audience for everything". My MIL is the total oppisite and loves everything about my kids, and was so happy to be a part of there birth. Your Inlaws will pay in the long run, when your children have a super tight relationship with your parents and not with them. Also at least you have one set of grandparents that care, thank God that at least you have one some have none. I totally feel what you are upset about but you cant really change people, or at least that what I tell myself. My mom still hasnot gotten better and I have learned I will not let her upset me.




Lissachck
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:45 AM

Thanks ladies. You are all totally right. I can't take in on myself that they don't want to spend time with their extraordinary grandkids...well, I'm guessing the one that is coming is going to be extraordinary. Aren't they all! I just have to accept that they aren't lovey dovey people and I won't be made to feel guilty later on in life when my parents are closer to the kids than they are.

I'm also pretty darn grateful that their son turned out to be the complete opposite. He's THE most loving person I know!

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DomesticDoll
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:55 AM

I dont think your wrong to be upset at all!!!

I have a son who is turning 2 Jan. 29th and my DH sister , my sons aunt and GOD MOTHER, planned a trip to Aspen for the x-games and to snowboard with a friend who lives out in Aspen  from Jan. 27-Feb. 1st and she said " oh my gosh I totally forgot its Jonah's birthday"(but she pre booked her trip, so OBVIOUSLY she looked at a calendar....)

now this is the one person who has like 20 pictures of Jonah in her office at work, ON her DASHBOARD by her stearing wheel in her car and thousands of pics in her iphone....

and she forgot....ah hem...ya okay!

so I know how you feel and I'd be upset too!!!! 

MagenMae
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 3:09 AM

I cant imagine a grandparent not wanting to witness the birth of there grandchild, to yellowstone esp. I mean its not like its a once in a lifetime trip to Chine or somethin. Its freakin yellowstone which you can see anytime. The birth of your own fless and blood only happens once. So I would totally be upset! As far as your DH not understanding I understand to. My DH never understands anything that has to do with his parents esp the closer they are to there parents the worse. So thats a loss cause too. Now your 9 mos preg. relax and forget about them, its there loss and the wonderful ppl who actually want to be part, there gain!! ENJOY and CONGRATS!

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Lissachck
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:34 AM

I think that's the thing too...they DO go to China, and Belize, and Mexico, and pretty much wherever their hearts desire. They are retired with a good chunk of retirement money so they travel ALL the time! I guess it's just inconsiderate to do it right when your grandchild is being born and your granddaughter is turning one. But...it is totally their loss. The Good Lord knows we'll be having a great time!

Quoting MagenMae:

I cant imagine a grandparent not wanting to witness the birth of there grandchild, to yellowstone esp. I mean its not like its a once in a lifetime trip to Chine or somethin. Its freakin yellowstone which you can see anytime. The birth of your own fless and blood only happens once. So I would totally be upset! As far as your DH not understanding I understand to. My DH never understands anything that has to do with his parents esp the closer they are to there parents the worse. So thats a loss cause too. Now your 9 mos preg. relax and forget about them, its there loss and the wonderful ppl who actually want to be part, there gain!! ENJOY and CONGRATS!


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Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:36 AM

You can't reasonably expect anyone to stop their lives for your children except you. 

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