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i need ADVICE!!!!! i know you all love to give advice!

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:23 PM
  • 12 Replies

 i know this is long but i reallly need help. i've posted this a few places, but i dont' know what to do. try not to bash me.

so here is the background as short as i can make it.  my 14 year old sister lives with us. she spent the night at her friends house. well kelley and her friend got caught in a lie. kelley said she was staying at the friends house, the friend said she was staying here. instead they went to a party. typical. so we bust them, and long story short they basically say "fuck it, we don't want to come home and get bitched at so we are never coming home again". it goes back and forth all day long. they won't tell us where they are, when they are coming home,  if they are coming home. the girls grandma and i were doing dectective work all day long. at one point in time they were going to run away to oregon. kelley, i guess kinda freaks out. she has never done anything like this before and apparently her friend does this shit all the time. so she's all hysterical and instead of calling ME she calls her fucking piece of shit meth addicted mother in cali who lost custody of her several years ago. so then kelleys MOM calls me to tell me the scoop and here's the icing on the cake, starts giving me parental advice! saying it's not effective to ground kids for long periods of time and kelley should have a cell phone blah blah bah. i said " ya know what's REALLY not effective? is when people are trying to raise other people's kids because they are worthless drug addicts." anyway, kelley felt comfortable telling her mom that she went to the party and drank and all this shit and she wanted the mom to call me and basically tell me not to get mad at kelley because she is "too scared to come home".   so it goes on and on lik ethat all day. kelley won't call me, i only hear from her through her mom. one minute she is coming home, the next minute she isn't. so finally at night she calls me crying and tells me to pick her up at mcdonalds. she won't tell me where she was or anything. she doesn't apologize. she has hickies on her neck. she disgusts me. and she thinks i'm going to yell at her? i don't even want to LOOK at her. she lied about this from the get go. she PLANNED this shit out. i'm convinced the only reason she came home is because i had her mom tell her that i was going to report her as a runaway if she didn't and if the police found her she would get shipped away and put back in foster care because i don't have legal custody of her. to be honest, i don't want her anymore. i dont' want to deal with this shit, but i am her LAST option. there is no one else to take her in. help. what should i do?

by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
shyysmom
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:27 PM

i dont think you should give up on her

she clearly has a troubled past at such an early age

i dont think the answer is to be disgusted with her, she is only 14

you need to have a heart to heart with her about her life choices so she doesn't end up pregnant and on drugs like her mother

you have to be strong and help her through all this

not throw her out like a piece of trash

shyysmom
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:28 PM

also,

i do commend you for opening up your home to her in the first place

though, you didnt have to do that but im glad you did

you should be very proud of yourself

but dont throw that in her face.. just tell her that you opened your home to her and you expect more from her

pearlmom
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:29 PM

bumpI don't know but here is a bump for you ;)

maxensmom
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:29 PM


Quoting shyysmom:

i dont think you should give up on her

she clearly has a troubled past at such an early age

i dont think the answer is to be disgusted with her, she is only 14

you need to have a heart to heart with her about her life choices so she doesn't end up pregnant and on drugs like her mother

you have to be strong and help her through all this

not throw her out like a piece of trash

i know. and that is what i have always said. we aren't going to give up on her but i really WANT to. we have heart to hearts all the time. we come from the same background. both passed around from place to place so i know what it feels like. she is obviously just a follower and did whatever her friend told her to do, which is why in the end her friend got picked up by the cops and kelley came home, but i just don't know what to do.  it makes me sick. i think it will be a few days before i can say anything to her at all.

zjonzie
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:30 PM

she sounds like she is crying for help.  i think some counseling would be a great place to start.  that is a hard age and with her history, i cant imagine. 

dont give up, it must be very hard but you may be the only one she has left!  hats off to you for giving her a better life.

mrsjones2207
by Platinum Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:30 PM


Quoting shyysmom:

i dont think you should give up on her

she clearly has a troubled past at such an early age

i dont think the answer is to be disgusted with her, she is only 14

you need to have a heart to heart with her about her life choices so she doesn't end up pregnant and on drugs like her mother

you have to be strong and help her through all this

not throw her out like a piece of trash

I agree and well said.

Mylesbaby boyMykailahbaby girlMykahbaby boy


Distributor of Young Living Essential Oils and Supplements

prego7386
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:33 PM

well you should try to calm down first.  a TON of moms go threw this on a reg basis so it's not like she is pulling anything out of left field that is just totally a WTF moment...she is a young teenager tons of hormones and poor decision making with a shitty friend. tell her straight up no more hanging out with this girl and if you pull some mess like that again i will call the cops and not bother hunting you down. The only reason she felt more comfy talking to her mom was because she KNEW her mom didn't have any room to judge her. What was the crystal critter going to do? lecture her on how bad it was lol noooo. 

 She needs to get into counseling i think. im sure she has tons of issues in her head right now and this is just a small glimpse of how things can turn out if not properly dealt with. you know teenage girls...they can be soooo dramatic and really this is a lot...her mom is addicted to a hard drug she cant live with her, she has a crazy friend, prob getting pressure form boys now and is afraid if she makes the wrong move then she will get thrown in foster care but at the same time doesn't care because who else does?  (i know you do but this is most likely her head right now) i had a few friends that were in similar situations and most of them ended up all fucked up because they didn't voice their issues to people who could get them help. GL

kikibix
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:35 PM

This is a tough one.  She's really young and obviously really naive yet at the same time fighting any control over her.  I think your mistake was engaging in any conversation or huge effort in trying to find her and negotiating for her to come back.  The back and forth conversation all day should not have happened.  It would have been better to make it a simple matter or " I love you and care about you, think you're making a huge mistake and are being rude and disrespectful to me when all I do is want to help.  Come home or not, it's your choice but here's what's going to happen with either choice...." Go on to explain the foster system, consequences etc.  Make her understand that you are her last option in a straightforward way, let that sink in and talk about it again the next day.  Tell her you are through with the games, you must have honesty at all times or you are done.  Remind her that you are her sister, not her mother and as such you deserve more respect and appreciation because you are under zero obligation to care for her but do it out of caring.

Tough love but it has to be done.  Coddling someone rarely works.

Good luck!

Lizzys_mommy13
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:37 PM

I think counseling sounds like a good idea. My best friend was trying to pull the same stuff after she was taken from private school and put into public. Her father was murdered when she was 13 and she went downhill from there. Counseling has done wonders for her. If you cant afford it, see if there is a free family counseling clinic near by.
 

Quoting zjonzie:

she sounds like she is crying for help.  i think some counseling would be a great place to start.  that is a hard age and with her history, i cant imagine. 

dont give up, it must be very hard but you may be the only one she has left!  hats off to you for giving her a better life.



 

 

      Proud Mommy to Elizabeth!

Angee3Monkeys
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:39 PM

If I were you I would just have a serious talk with her. Let her know what her consequences are if it happens again. And hope it don't happen again. And then if that don't work just send her off to foster care.

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