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I don't want my mom to babysit any more...

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:30 PM
  • 13 Replies

Long story short, I don't want my mom to watch my kids any more. I have my reasons. What I am worried about is that the last time I did this, it became a very dramatic 'issue' not just between my mom and I, but my brother and step dad got involved also. My mom no longer works and she has no friends, no hobbies, nothing. Her grandchildren are basically all she has. So when I decided not to take my kids to her house for babysitting anymore, she became severely depressed. She started calling me drunk and crying all the time. My step dad would call and say I'm a horrible daughter and my brother even got involved telling me that I am blaming my problems on my mom and using the kids to punish her.

I do not feel that this is what I am doing, my step dad and brother never even knew why I did not want her to watch the kids any more. It is not as if I am *keeping* the kids from her, they will still visit on the weekend or go to spend the night every now and then, but if she does not babysit at least twice a week, she becomes very upset.

I'm not sure how to break this news to her and I'm really dreading what the fall-out from it will be.

Lawd help me.

by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ginger813
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:35 PM

 I'm not really sure what to tell you for how to break it to her. The best would be to just come right out and say it. I'm sure you have good reasons for it, so explain to her your reasons. I'm going through the same thing right now with my mom, for my own reasons, and it really sucks. Good luck!

3earthangels
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:37 PM

I don't let my mom have my kids at all. The only time she sees them is when I am there. It was a full-blown war for a few months after I stopped letting them stay with her. She accused me of choosing DH over her, my sisters both said I was tearing the family apart and was way too over-protective of my kids. I was just doing what was best for my kids. It did hurt though. But we get along just fine now.... 1 year later.

MaeHamMomma
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:46 PM

Are you my SIL????

My MIL is the same way. I love the fact that she loves my children and enjoys spending time with them BUT I don't care for how she cares for them KWIM?

If we don't have her sit twice a week AND let my son spend the night at least once then she gets all sad and pout-y.

I wish I had some advice to help you, but I am still trying to figure out how to tell my MIL we don't really need her to watch Kirby. I am after all a SAHM. I don't NEED a sitter often, maybe once a month, if that. *Sigh* 

kikibix
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:50 PM

I really don't understand this situation at all.  Nobody has a right to your kids.  My parents are glad to help out when I ask them and will change their plans even but they have never asked to babysit my kids just for something to do.. They are enjoying their senior years, going out for walks, the library, the gym, to movies, etc.  Tell your mom your kids aren't her entertainment, encourage her to find a life of her own and give her some suggestions.  Just the fact that she calls you up drunk and whines is excuse enough to tell her no way to babysitting.

It's your life and your kids.  Who cares if she's family.  It's your life, your rules.

mstnbecki
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 6:59 PM

I do not let my mom babysit my kids either, she does not have the patience and my younger son and my step brother fight to much so I need to be there to supervise them because I dont trust my mom to take care of the situation the right way.My SB is 14 and a BIG boy and my son is 9 theres a big age and size difference and I dont want my SB hitting my son. 

kk_bella
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 7:04 PM


Quoting kikibix:

I really don't understand this situation at all.  Nobody has a right to your kids.  My parents are glad to help out when I ask them and will change their plans even but they have never asked to babysit my kids just for something to do.. They are enjoying their senior years, going out for walks, the library, the gym, to movies, etc.  Tell your mom your kids aren't her entertainment, encourage her to find a life of her own and give her some suggestions.  Just the fact that she calls you up drunk and whines is excuse enough to tell her no way to babysitting.

It's your life and your kids.  Who cares if she's family.  It's your life, your rules.

Thank you for all the replies, ladies.

This response stuck out to me the most because my mom absolutely DOES act as if she has a right to them. Specifically, a right to see them X number of days per week for X number of hours. I appreciate the help she has given me but feeling obligated to have her watch them (especially when she then turns around and uses that against me in order to get me to give her what she wants, "Well, I watch your kids for you for FREE!").

K, I'm rambling now.

GenevieveD
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 7:07 PM

Oh dude, that's tough. Family stuff is always the worst because people have no problem placing blame.


You have to do what's right for your kiddos you know? But it does suck....HUGS


smcclure2005
by on Jan. 26, 2010 at 5:38 AM

I do not have that problem I love my mom and I miss my grandparents. My mom and my grandparents was all we had and I would not want my kids to ever miss a moment with them. I did not let my daughter go with me to see my grandpa in TN and 2 weeks later he dies I have kicked myself in my ass everyday for taking that from her. I do not know what to say except be grateful that people love your children that much. Be grateful that you have them in your life still. You will regret every moment that you take away from each of them. You could have my dad as a grandparent who is a total drunk and he don't call except to call you a bitch and blame you for his divorce..now he is not allowed around my kids at all. GOOD LUCK

darcyk10
by on Jan. 26, 2010 at 5:40 AM

 I am sorry you are going through this.

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker



nemiller
by on Jan. 26, 2010 at 5:43 AM

i don't really know how you could handle this without it becoming a big deal, since she's prone to dramatics.  i guess all you can do is say that you don't mind them visiting on the weekends or the occasional overnight, but that you won't need her to babysit anymore.  above all, these are YOUR kids.  if you don't want her to watch them, that's that.  and if she chooses to drink herself stupid and call you crying, that's her choice.  tell her gently but firmly that you've made up your mind, then stick to your guns.  if anybody tries to give you a guilt trip, just tell them it's not up for discussion then switch the subject.  if they won't drop it, let them know that they'll have to call back when they can respect your boundaries and hang up.

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