Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stop the fighting

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 9:56 PM
  • 12 Replies

I never post anything personal on here, but I'm gonna give it a shot.

DH and I are having "issues".  He's deployed right now so it's put even more of a strain on our relationship. 

Is there anything I can do to "stop the fighting".  We do fight alot, over stupid things.  We are both willing to work on things, I just don't know how.  I know that sounds stupid...but I seriously don't know how to "curb" the attitude so to speak.



by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 9:56 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 9:59 PM

I know it's hard.  But you just have to suck it up.  Make a conscious effort to not snap at him when you want to (if it is undeserved LOL).  Hubby and I went through this.  We finally came up with a "code word" to say if we could tell the other was getting frustrated for no viable reason.  Something stupid, like snowball.  If I could see him getting upset, or I could feel an argument over nothing starting, I would just say "snowball" and we would both back off to cool down.  Know what I mean?  Seems kind of silly, but it really does work.

Je_Jette_Poo
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:04 PM

 I don't know. I'm sorry =(

My husband is deployed right. He pisses me off sometimes, but I just have to remember how much stress he is under right now and hold it in until he gets offline. We got into one fight so far. I think we're in one right too, I'm not sure. I'm mad at him, he doesn't know it yet haha.

But, this may sound kind of bad, oh well. Sometimes after he's really pissed me off and signs off of facebook, I'll write him a message about why I'm so pissed off. After writing it out, I usually feel a little better. And then I feel guilty that I "unleashed". I'll usually sign on to his facebook account and delete the message before he reads it. I just realize that some of the issues can wait until he gets home. It's so hard to fight over the internet. It's alot more stressful and causes way more problems then it should. It's hard though, I know that. You just have to remember how much stress they're under and it's hard for them to be away from their families.

usafwife314
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:04 PM

That's a really good idea.  I will definitely talk to him about that.  We can definitely use it until we can naturally learn to control our words.

Quoting Crazy-Steph:

I know it's hard.  But you just have to suck it up.  Make a conscious effort to not snap at him when you want to (if it is undeserved LOL).  Hubby and I went through this.  We finally came up with a "code word" to say if we could tell the other was getting frustrated for no viable reason.  Something stupid, like snowball.  If I could see him getting upset, or I could feel an argument over nothing starting, I would just say "snowball" and we would both back off to cool down.  Know what I mean?  Seems kind of silly, but it really does work.




Christy644
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:06 PM

My mom gave me this suggestion. It got her a few grandkids LOL. When you feel the conversation turning for the worse start taking off clothing. Even tho he's deployed he can still see you on cam chats. It will get his attention on something other than the fight.


babygirlsmom314
by Corinne on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:07 PM

Try going to counseling.  It sounds like you two might be having communications problems.  That might be apart of fighting issue.  Good luck and I hope you two can work it out.


Click to join in.

kaker104
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:09 PM

Nope. Won't work while they're deployed. No pornography of any type.

I'm sorry Op. I know how you feel. It just takes a lot of tongue biting. Eventually, you learn what should be an arguement and what to ignore.

Quoting Christy644:

My mom gave me this suggestion. It got her a few grandkids LOL. When you feel the conversation turning for the worse start taking off clothing. Even tho he's deployed he can still see you on cam chats. It will get his attention on something other than the fight.

 


wickedfiress
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:14 PM

"Bite your tongue" isn't just an expression. :)


It's amazing how people don't hold themselves to the standards they set for others.

usafwife314
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:16 PM

The computers over there suck as does the internet connection!  I get on cam so he can see the kids and it screws up the computer over there so bad.  I've only done it a couple times because it takes so long for him to get back on.  Plus if I were to strip for him and he got caught...he could get in LOADS of trouble!

Quoting Christy644:

My mom gave me this suggestion. It got her a few grandkids LOL. When you feel the conversation turning for the worse start taking off clothing. Even tho he's deployed he can still see you on cam chats. It will get his attention on something other than the fight.





mom2acutiepie
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:24 PM

My suggestion for you while your DH is deployed is to refuse to fight with him. If he says something or tries to start an argument with you then you change the subject and refuse to talk to him about anything that you would fight about. I know it's not that easy, but if you are determined you can do it. I had to do that the first time my DH deployed. I found out I was pregnant with our son a week after he left and we fought a lot during the first half of his deployment. I finally had to refuse to talk to him about anything that we might fight about. Once he got home things changed and we didn't fight as much anymore. So I have to ask is this just a during deployment thing? If not I would also suggest that you get into some sort of counseling when he gets home. I don't know where you live but I live in Texas and they have a free program called VOW here, it's a marriage enrichment program. I know a lot of people who have used the program and it has helped thier marriages a lot. Maybe you can see if there is something like that near you. I hope things get better for you. Remember that deployments are hard for you, him and the rest of the family and fighting makes it worse but hopefully things will get better when he gets home. If you need someone to vent to I'm a good listener, you can PM me anytime.

Je_Jette_Poo
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:29 PM

lol I don't think people actually follow that.

My husband and I have "sexy skypes" lol

Quoting kaker104:

Nope. Won't work while they're deployed. No pornography of any type.

I'm sorry Op. I know how you feel. It just takes a lot of tongue biting. Eventually, you learn what should be an arguement and what to ignore.

Quoting Christy644:

My mom gave me this suggestion. It got her a few grandkids LOL. When you feel the conversation turning for the worse start taking off clothing. Even tho he's deployed he can still see you on cam chats. It will get his attention on something other than the fight.

 

 



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)