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I don't know what to do PIOG EDIT in blue

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:26 PM
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Hi ladies, here is the short version...  When my dh and I got married 6 years ago, we wanted to have a baby.  Six months into our marriage I got pregnant.  We couldn't have been happier!  But at 17 weeks I lost the baby.  We have a 10 year old dd, mine from a previous relationship.  We are blessed to have her.  Just 6 weeks after losing our baby boy I had to have a complete hysterectomy (I was only 24).  My dh said we could adopt or something, that we would have a baby somehow.  Over the years we've talked about it, even tried to do a surrogacy a couple times, and got scammed big time last year about an adoption...  I brought it up again.  I want a baby, he doesn't anymore.  He doesn't want to be close to retirement when this child graduates (he's 41)...  I don't know what to do.  One of us has to fold.  I love him more than anything, but I feel like I deserve this.  I don't ask for much, anything he's ever wanted I've given him.  But when he yells at you that either way one of us is going to be unhappy it sucks.  I feel like any time I want something I don't get it, this has happened so many things over the years.  I'd want something and he'd want the opposite.  I ALWAYS gave it to him.  No matter what it was, or how much I didn't want it or wanted something different.  The worst part is I know he's wishing I would just let it go for good.  And I don't know how to let it go.  I've wanted another baby since before my dd was born, and once I was with my dh I couldn''t wati to have a baby and raise him/her with him.  And he says we have raised my dd together, she was 3 when we got together.  But it's just not the same.  I just want a baby, and I don't know what to do...

 

EDIT: I cannot do a surrogacy using my eggs, I had to have ALL of my female organs taken out with the hysterectomy.  There really isn't much of anything for foster kids around here, I live in a small town, and even the neighboring towns aren't very big.  I want to do either a private adoption or a private surrogacy.  Don't want to work with an agency, heard too many stories about how they are just so impersonal.  So heartbreaking too because I know once we had a baby my dh would be happy.  Last year, when we got scammed, a few weeks before we were supposed to get our baby my dh was like a kid in a candy store, picking out toys and clothes and baby things.  And he told his brother how excited he was, that he couldn't tell me how much he wanted a baby, cuz if for some reason something went wrong I wouldn't let it go until I had a baby.  How could his opinion change so drastically in just one year?  I love my dh, and I would never leave him.  I don't want to hurt him or make him mad, I just honestly don't know what to do.  We've tried counceling, and we always just agree to disagree, ultimetly getting us no-where...  Does anyone have any suggestions or advice?  If not please bump, I want to keep this active for a little while at least, see if I can get some responces.

by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:26 PM
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ZoeCY
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:28 PM

Well if you aren't deadset on a baby I would say you could adopt an older child so that way his age wouldn't be an issue and a child that really needs a family would get one.  But it sounds like you really want the baby part again so I am not sure what to tell you on this.  Here is a bump for you and good luck!

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