How many of you are disappointed with how life turned out?
Maybe I'm on a depressive kick (I'm new to the group, btw, so HI!-but not new to CM), but I am just so disappointed and disgusted with myself for how my life has turned out. To make a long story short, I dropped out of a college where I had a full scholarship and had every single thing paid for to get married. My husband was a Wal-Mart manager, so we moved around a lot, which prevented me from going back to school, until I tried to go online. I went for 2 semesters before he got a raise and my financial aid got cut out, and we couldn't afford it anymore. Anyway, I've worked at odd jobs off and on..Wal-Mart, call centers, freelance photography. My husband was a controlling, emotionally abusive jerk who really never acted like he even cared about our son until after we split up. I guess it's true that some people don't know what they have until it's gone. I left him last August. It took me until October to find a job, and then the project (call center) ended in January, and I've applied for job after job with no luck so far. I have an interview in the morning, so my fingers are crossed, but it's still just a crap data entry/mail room type job. My new boyfriend says that I should let things get to me so much and be so negative, that something will turn around eventually if I keep a positive attitude. I love him to death, but that just makes me want to look at him and say, "What the hell are you, a fortune cookie?" I had such high hopes for myself...like I said, I had a full scholarship to the University of Kentucky, I was 5th in my class in high school, and I had a 3.8gpa in college. Now I look at myself, and I don't even have a job, much less a career, I'm struggling to even pay bills and have bill collectors calling daily (which makes me rethink leaving my ex, even though I know in my heart that it was the right decision and I'm normally much happier now), and I eat like a cow because I'm stressed, which means I can't lose weight no matter how much I exercise. My mom suggested signing up on welfare and trying to go back to school instead of working, but I just cannot swallow my pride and make myself walk into a welfare office..it's against everything I believe in (no offense to anyone who's on it). I applied for a job online and failed the exam Monday, so that flew out the window, which is what really started this depressive attitude. I've never failed anything in my life, so of course I broke down and was miserable and felt worthless all day, and ever since. Ugh. Sorry this was so long, but sometimes I just wonder if I'm the only person that feels this way.