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dad's i am so saddened

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:14 AM
  • 14 Replies

my dad is so weird.  my whole life he has had our whole family from kids to now walking on eggshells when we talk to him on the phone or in person.  he goes from happy and conversing great with us to pissed and putting us down or explaining why and how we became to be so dumb, or whatever.  he is very intelligent  but has a way of making you feel like a piece of shit.  i avoid him at all costs but since my 2 brothers who i love dearly still live with him and he does not know that i feel this way he still calls and emails etc.  he will exaggerate things in his favor (negative about someone else or about him) so that he is pittied. he makes sure to tag on a mean, manipulative or negative comment like, but you knew that right? oh, nevermind... you'll have a hard time figuring it out anyway.  just like your mother, i have to tell her the same simple thing several times, *sarcastic chuckle*, oh well honey, i will talk with you later.  bye." rude and monotoned at the end. it's hard to explain because it is just SO rude and you feel like absolute shit after talking with him.  but yet he calls and calls and thinks i should return the phone call, after he leaves a rude voicemail.  

In bold, below is his latest email message:  of course it's not like i had the phone next to me and just decided not to answer but it was my choice to not call him repeatedly to tell him about his granddaughter every day even though i had spoken to him the day before and told him she was doing great in a 20 min converstation.  i want to avoid stress at all costs right now since i have had a horrible week with my daughter in the ER and other daughter having  to be evaluated at school for issues within the class room.  




    Since you nor John will answer my calls I am sending you this with the hopes you find the Flowers I sent you for your birthday. I had them sent today as they could not deliver them on the exact day of your birthday.  They leave them at the door if no one is home. I hope you like them and I hope you have a great birthday.  Oh and I found out from your brother that the girls are doing well.  I am disappointed that you can't find the time to let me know these things but I guess I am at the bottom of your list when it comes to sharing the worries and joys in your life.
Love,
Daddy

ANYONE else with a dad like this???? what do you do?
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
college.mom
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:17 AM

My husband is like that, but he has a mental injury that causes very intense mood changes.  GL

hmommy07
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:21 AM

it is very hard to live with.  i remember that when we heard my dad's door open when we were young (10-18) we would straighten up or quit joking around or act like we were busy with something just so that he wouldn't treat us bad or have a reason to be upset with us.  i hated it. 

Quoting college.mom:

My husband is like that, but he has a mental injury that causes very intense mood changes.  GL


lady_light2708
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:21 AM

 Just try to hang in there!  My dad was the same way and he died when I was 12, now I would give anything to have him back mood swings and all.

college.mom
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:23 AM

 Its possible he could have a mental disease. 

Quoting hmommy07:

it is very hard to live with.  i remember that when we heard my dad's door open when we were young (10-18) we would straighten up or quit joking around or act like we were busy with something just so that he wouldn't treat us bad or have a reason to be upset with us.  i hated it. 

Quoting college.mom:

My husband is like that, but he has a mental injury that causes very intense mood changes.  GL

 

 

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MamaSusieQ045
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:24 AM

 hmm...when i first started reading you op i though hmm maybe he is bipolar but i kept reading and i think he is just flat out mean. he is one of those people that take jabs at you and think you are ''to stupid'' to notice them doing it. have you ever tried to talk to him about this? tell him how it makes you feel? sadly from the way you talk about him i dont think it would matter but maybe its worth a try...im sorry you are having such a hard time right now, family is supposed to support you and make you feel better not make you feel like shit or tell you that you are stupid,dumb, or anything else you can think of...just keep your head up and remember that you are not stupid and he is just making you feel bad to up his ego in my opinion..sorry this is so long, good luck honey if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me....

Shy_Dia
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:27 AM

 nope- sounds like my mom.

her latest BS-- she gave her daughter change to put in the McDonalds Fund thing at walmart... and then chuckled about how they arent gonna get anythign b/c its australian money! likw wtf?! you cant spend an american one CENT to put towards the mcdonalds fund (i think its the mcdonalds house thing-- houses the parents of the kids who are ill and in the hospital). she laughed about it. why is that funny- b/c you are cheap!?

and then she calls the people who park in the handicap space "stupid people"-- and where is she parked right now (with MY car!?) in the handicap space b/c she doenst want to park too far and have to walk to her apartment.

Cappy1979
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:29 AM

It just sounds to me like he is very bluntly out spoken, but at the same time he loves you. My grandmother raised me and she was the same way. It does hurt but I don't think she means to be cruel its just the way she says her words. I am not sure of the situation with your father but its sounds like he is the same way.

nemiller
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:29 AM

no, my dad's not like that.  he and i are a lot alike, so even the things that might rub someone else the wrong way (his dry sense of humor, for example) i get because i'm the same way.  my dad used to be verbally abusive when i was a kid, but he's since recognized why that's wrong and he's apologized.  he also got sober, which was a big catalyst for his angry and hurtful words.  i voluntarily email or call him, especially since we no longer have my mom to relay messages (she passed last july).  but if he were rude to me, i'd be less likely to want to call him back or return emails.  i have a personality type where i'd just call him out on his shit if he didn't know why i was keeping my distance.  like, "hey, i don't email or call because you're rude and hateful.  i don't like being talked down to, so of course i don't want to hear whatever insults you have for me!"

melodysmomma04
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:30 AM

 My dad has been that way except he NEVER calls me! when i call him its always something he can put me down about...school...he laughs and says tell em about it a week before you graduate.....my job as a caregiver...cant find anything better to do? my apt....is this all there is...its not tin nor is it big...but hes lived in houses his whole life...if hes not happy with my living arrangements he can buy me  a damn house! HE HAS 5 OF THEM ! when i do call him i tell him i love him at the end of EVERY CONVERSATION and all i get is a yup or a u better or a bye....ugh!

hmommy07
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 2:31 AM

i love your reply because it is SO true.  Everyone i talk to thinks he is just bipolar but then after hearing his voicemails or being around him they change their mind and agree that he is just a mean jerk.  i see him doing it to other people too, and it's the same for them... they are totally caught off guard by how rude and arrogant he is that they feel like not speaking up because it is so uncalled for and you never know how someone will react to your disagreement when they are like that.  my poor brother lives in his room because he says he gets lectured everytime he comes out and is around my dad.  he will probably move in with my mom soon.

Quoting MamaSusieQ045:

 hmm...when i first started reading you op i though hmm maybe he is bipolar but i kept reading and i think he is just flat out mean. he is one of those people that take jabs at you and think you are ''to stupid'' to notice them doing it. have you ever tried to talk to him about this? tell him how it makes you feel? sadly from the way you talk about him i dont think it would matter but maybe its worth a try...im sorry you are having such a hard time right now, family is supposed to support you and make you feel better not make you feel like shit or tell you that you are stupid,dumb, or anything else you can think of...just keep your head up and remember that you are not stupid and he is just making you feel bad to up his ego in my opinion..sorry this is so long, good luck honey if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me....


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