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Proper terms AND saying the quiet part loud

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:14 AM
  • 28 Replies

 "saying the quiet part loud"

that whats my friend calls it when a person says the things that arent everyones business loud enough for everyone to hear- .

this post is about my 3 yr old 'saying the quiet part loud'-  my little girl is very verbal and we use proper words for body parts- penis vagina ... ok! we say butt! lol .

often enough , we go somewhere, she finds a way/reason to mention her vagina.  example: in the grocery store, im pushing her in the cart, looking on the shelves and she gets my attn by saying, loudly : "heehee look mommy dora's on my vagina!" im afraid of what i might see when i look back at her. and she shows me how she tucked dora in her safety belt btw her legs. she doesnt consider a part of her body taboo- and i am glad bc that was the whole point of teaching her proper terminology (even though it still makes me blush-sometimes). .

 when i think about her age and posts we have had about proper terms and the differing opinions of moms with kids my dd's age, i worry about other peoples reactions to her/me. what is another woman thinking when she hears my 3 yr old say to hers : "hi.little girl. im a girl too. we have vaginas !"     i want my kid to be comfortable with her body and proper terms. that doesnt mean i want her teaching all the other kids words their parents dont like . and i worry parents who are strongly against kids using words like penis and vagina will be offended.

i decided to start by giving her some idea of privacy so now instead of staying in the bathroom the wholetime (when she potties)- she potties with the door closed until she is finished and may need help in wiping. and  if she tries to come with me to the bathroom, i tell her i need my privacy-only bc i am  trying to teach her to want privacy for her herself,( i could not careless if she saw me pee!)              BUT i dont know how to give her a sense that those are private matters w/o  putting some kind of shame on vaginas and penises - i dont know how to tell her not to say the quiet part loud- not to talk about penises or vaginas in the grocery aisle or causally on the playground  --- bc i ask myself if she is really doing something wrong or is it just bc it makes me uncomfortable? is that a good enough reason? i dont think so!

 i dont know what to do! when she says something like that!- i cant hide bc i am obligated to be present to supervise and safeguard my kid!!!

 my urge is to hush her voice down but i cant tell her why. i could say you only say those words to mommy or daddy or dr.____. but the truth is i feel like telling my dd to only say those things to mom or dad could be detrimental to her in the real world where mommy and daddy may not always be there- every minute of the day. and like i said ive decided to work on her understanding of /desire for personal privacy in the meantime. but i need some advice----  am i worried about nothing?

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
smittnlittlkitn
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:32 AM

 well, i guess i must have some kind of unique situation. lol

onecuteladybug2
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:37 AM

The proper term is "vulva", not "vagina".

smittnlittlkitn
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:41 AM

 

Quoting onecuteladybug2:

The proper term is "vulva", not "vagina".

 thanks for clearing that up esp after i said proper so many times. i tried to incorporate that a while back with her after she had already learned vagina.  but alas.   any advice on the topic.   if it helps pretend she said vulva instead of vagina

montessori_mama
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:42 AM

This is a really good question!  Here's a bump in hopes that you get some good advice from seasoned mamas.

I'm with you on using proper terminology, but I don't have the experience with my own child yet, since I'm still pregnant with my first.  I taught early childhood for several years, and occasionally I would hear a child mention a penis or a vagina.  I never had to step in, because it never once turned into an all-out conversation and I saw no reason for me to draw attention to it.  I just inferred in most cases, that any children whose parents do not use those terms just didn't know what the other child was talking about, so they moved right on to something else.  At the same time, I assume anyone who did know those terms, like your daughter, didn't consider them taboo either and therefore the comments didn't get much attention.  I have definitely had to talk to many upset parents over the years about something their child heard and/or repeated before, but never have I had a concern about one of these anatomical concerns.  So I guess my thought is that you should just keep doing what you're doing - because these things should not be taboo - and it's likely that it will never become an issue.  I'm interested to hear what great advice others have, though!

smittnlittlkitn
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:48 AM

 

Quoting montessori_mama:

This is a really good question!  Here's a bump in hopes that you get some good advice from seasoned mamas.

I'm with you on using proper terminology, but I don't have the experience with my own child yet, since I'm still pregnant with my first.  I taught early childhood for several years, and occasionally I would hear a child mention a penis or a vagina.  I never had to step in, because it never once turned into an all-out conversation and I saw no reason for me to draw attention to it.  I just inferred in most cases, that any children whose parents do not use those terms just didn't know what the other child was talking about, so they moved right on to something else.  At the same time, I assume anyone who did know those terms, like your daughter, didn't consider them taboo either and therefore the comments didn't get much attention.  I have definitely had to talk to many upset parents over the years about something their child heard and/or repeated before, but never have I had a concern about one of these anatomical concerns.  So I guess my thought is that you should just keep doing what you're doing - because these things should not be taboo - and it's likely that it will never become an issue.  I'm interested to hear what great advice others have, though!

 thanks for your reply.

there are plenty of conversations i never thought i would be having with a 3 yr old.lol

last week i was making snacks and my dd with her 2 friends(sisters age 4 and 5) were in the play tent, eating goldfish, and talking about times when one or the other wet their pants.  i had NO IDEA kids wanted to talk about that.    but then again i should have esp when we own a dvd like elmos potty time- 

montessori_mama
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:52 AM

That is hilarious!  It's good that they're not embarrassed or ashamed of the occasional accident either! It sounds like you're raising a pretty well-adjusted child!

Oh, and I meant to say anatomical terms down there, not concerns.  My eyes are tired, apparently.

Quoting smittnlittlkitn:

 

Quoting montessori_mama:

This is a really good question!  Here's a bump in hopes that you get some good advice from seasoned mamas.

I'm with you on using proper terminology, but I don't have the experience with my own child yet, since I'm still pregnant with my first.  I taught early childhood for several years, and occasionally I would hear a child mention a penis or a vagina.  I never had to step in, because it never once turned into an all-out conversation and I saw no reason for me to draw attention to it.  I just inferred in most cases, that any children whose parents do not use those terms just didn't know what the other child was talking about, so they moved right on to something else.  At the same time, I assume anyone who did know those terms, like your daughter, didn't consider them taboo either and therefore the comments didn't get much attention.  I have definitely had to talk to many upset parents over the years about something their child heard and/or repeated, but never have I had a concern about one of these anatomical terms  So I guess my thought is that you should just keep doing what you're doing - because these things should not be taboo - and it's likely that it will never become an issue.  I'm interested to hear what great advice others have, though!

 thanks for your reply.

there are plenty of conversations i never thought i would be having with a 3 yr old.lol

last week i was making snacks and my dd with her 2 friends(sisters age 4 and 5) were in the play tent, eating goldfish, and talking about times when one or the other wet their pants.  i had NO IDEA kids wanted to talk about that.    but then again i should have esp when we own a dvd like elmos potty time- 


srbeusk
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:59 AM

Hmm...sorry...no idea... I agree w/ you on using proper terms...but I am not sure how to tell her it's a private discussion w/o also making it seem shameful... Bump for ya!

smittnlittlkitn
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 5:06 AM

 

Quoting srbeusk:

Hmm...sorry...no idea... I agree w/ you on using proper terms...but I am not sure how to tell her it's a private discussion w/o also making it seem shameful... Bump for ya!

 thanks. wish i could have been that concise.lol

turtle68
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 5:22 AM

 I wouldnt care what others think.  She is a little girl who uses the correct terminology.  I think if you are uncomfortable with her saying those words...then why the need to teach them?  I dont mean its wrong, nothing wrong with it, just if you are uncomfortable why not a nickname.  There is plenty of time to teach the correct terminology.  She must know it makes you uncomfortable, other wise it wouldnt be used to get attention.  Just like the word fuck...a kid knows that it is one of the forbidden words, yet they will use it whenever they can. LOL

Everything was bum LOL until they questioned further (about 5) then I explained all the parts and differences between male and female.  I actually dont like the word Penis and Vagina LOL Those are words I always connect with the doctor...not always great memories. 

 

srbeusk
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 5:24 AM


Quoting smittnlittlkitn:

 

Quoting srbeusk:

Hmm...sorry...no idea... I agree w/ you on using proper terms...but I am not sure how to tell her it's a private discussion w/o also making it seem shameful... Bump for ya!

 thanks. wish i could have been that concise.lol

LOL...it's okay...my posts never come out clear. LOL. Just a few random replies. :D  

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