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When do you let the past go??

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:52 AM
  • 11 Replies

I can't seem to forget what has gone in past relationships. I keep holding stuff against my SO that has happened to me before. I can't help but think that when he's not with me he's cheating on me, or doing drugs (that's what my ex was doing) and I feel so bad about it because I know he's a great guy. But I always think..oh my god what if the same thing happens in a year or two?!? I'm moving 950 miles away from my parents and sister to be with him (which I am not thinking twice about at all...) but I am still stuck on the past!!!

 HELP! How can I move forward?!!?

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:52 AM
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by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:44 AM

It is a hard, that's for certain. But you just have to conciously remind yourself, he will not be that way. Good luck/.

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:48 AM

You just need to share your fears with your so.  Just explain it to him and he will understand if your honest with him.  If you catch yourself wigging out for no reason just say I'm sorry its just my paranoia and be done with it.  If he understands where its coming from than hopefully he will be understanding.

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:09 PM

I know right. I love my SO and trust him -well i want to trust him. And he wants to trust me. But we have both been cheated on in the past so trust is hard. We love eachother adn i don't think we'd ever cheat on eachother- i wouldnt- but i still have a hard time always trusting him

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:12 PM

Wow! Congrats for this self-awareness!  It's great that you realize you are doing this.  Just talk to him and let him know you're fighting some old demons, and are working hard to get past them. You ask for his patience and understanding.  See where the conversation goes.

Good luck!

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:15 PM

i have been with my husband for years...and i still cower..i was in an abusive relationship before and dh will go to hug me and ill shudder as a bad guessing it takes time..

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:16 PM

 I can understand how hard it is, but you have to keep in mind that HE is not your ex.  It takes some work sometimes, but be sure you keep the two seperate.  Your ex has proven he's a jerk. . . your SO has not.  Until he proves it to you, keep a level head, and don't doubt him.  Your own mind can make any little thing seem suspicous, but jealousy and paranoia can ruin any good relationship.  Trust him completely until he gives you a reason not to, which may not EVER happen.  There really are good guys out there, so hang on to him if he's one of them! 

by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:18 PM

i'm the wrong person to ask about this! lol. the good guy i got with after my drug dealing cheating ex, cheated.... BLAH!!!

but good luck to you!!! has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:19 PM

When you let go, you have let go of the people associated with those bad memories. When those people were gone, I didn't have to worry about the same actions. If someone gives you a reason to not trust them, then thats one thing, but if they haven't done anything to you, then you need to realize you let those people who did bad things out of your life, let those bad memories go too. If that makes sense.

by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:20 PM

 talk with him. i am/was the same way... i have this deep down feeling that my SO will cheat on me and get the girl pregnant (happened THREE times to me!), or that he'll turn abusive (happened two times to me).. i've only been in 4 relationships (5 including SO). i also got that deep down feeling that my SO will rape me. will he? hell no- he even hates dirty talk cuz its "demeaning and disrespectful and i love you too much" (aww! lol), but the 2 that was abusive- raped me and i cant let it go. SO knows what happened in the past and he helps me work through it, by being there and basically showing me that he's not like that. will i ever get over what happened in the past? probably not. but i know one day, i wont have that deep down feeling b/c the time i spend with my SO will cover any horrible experiences in the past.

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:23 PM

Me personally. I dump past baggage immediately.. The moment someone is out of my life, so is the baggage that went along with them.

I don't hold on to the past, I don't stew over past events, I don't "what if" or "if only" or wonder "what could have been".. The past is the past for a reason, in my opinion. If someone is no longer a part of my life, then they are no longer part of my life and I do not allow any part of their involvement in my life muddy up my mind/feelings ect...  My life, my time, my emotions, my everything, is to precious of a commodity to be spent on the past.

I've been told that I'm weird though, and most people don't think that way.. lol

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