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A Promise is a Promise. Right? (am I over reacting?)

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:18 PM
  • 16 Replies

 

Poll

Question: What would you do?

Options:

Tell her off

Get over it. It wasnt that bad

Totally over reacting

Other because there always is


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Total Votes: 26

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A little backstory.

My MIL and I were very close while I was dating my husband. As soon as I slipped that wedding band on his finger everything changed. It was as if we became mortal enemies. I never understood why but ok. I have gone toe to toe with her and around and around. Eventually for the sake of peace and not living in a complete state of indigestion, I decided it was time to take the high road. I stopped responding to her little digs. Even though in my head I was furious. There are several other things that have happened that are unforgivable but I wont go into it all. Let's just say that in the course of a 10 year marriage my husband has even witnessed what he could never see in the begining. That she was a no good sorry ass drama lovin lying backstabbing person. So we started to distance ourself.

To the story.

Hubby and I have 3 DD's. We love them and our world revolves around theirs. I never expected my husband to get as involved as he is with them. Instead he has superceeded my expectations.

My oldest had her first basketball game today. She has been waiting to be old enough to play for a year. My parents could not make it because of work but try to make anything extracirricular that any grandchild has. His parents PROMISED our DD that they would be there. We even went over to their house last night to visit.

My MIL asked my DD when her game was and she responded with 10am. MIL said we will be there. The subject even came up 3 more times during the evening and my last sentence out of my mouth while walking out of their door was see you in the morning.

Well needless to say my DD was so excited this morning that everyone was going to see her play her first game. BUT, they never showed. No phone call nothing. My husband is furious and I am ready to tell this woman what I have thought of her over the last 5 years.

We have decided to cut communication for awhile and my husband has told me that when she does call he is going to tell her how sorry she is.

Normally if my child wasnt upset, I would move on. However, she is upset so that sets off the momma bear in me. I mean when you make a promise to a child you keep it right?

We do know though that if it was his sisters kids having an event like this they would be there in 5 ft of snow with pnuemonia!

So my question is would you be mad? What would you say when she calls? Should I stop being a pansy and tell this bitch what I really think? Should I let it go for the sake of peace and harmony once again? Thanks!

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TinaN64
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:24 PM

Let your husband deal with it.  I wouldn't go completely off, no matter how badly I wanted to (and like you, I would want to kick that bitch's ass), but I would tell her that she broke her granddaughter's heart.

I would also cut WWWAAAAYYYYY down on visits to their home.  I don't know how often you go over there, but I would cut it back by at least 90%.  They would have to come to my home.  They would no longer be invited to ANY extracurricular activities.... And I would let her know exactly what... as in... "Well, since you LIED to my daughter we don't trust you anymore.  The only way to keep her from being hurt by you is to not ask you to be there.  If she never expects you, she can't be hurt". 

mmtosam06
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:24 PM

 yep id be pissed

3babygirlsrock
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:30 PM

Ok that is some of the backstory. LOL! She isnt allowed over at our house at all. This is the only place she cant attack me. She comes over here and belittle everything. She starts talking about how I dont do things right, how his sister has this or that. So I just made it so she wasnt allowed over here.

We go over to her house ever Friday evening. That is the what I set in place because about 4 years ago she would show up every day and want to stay for hours.

Now I am thinking we will see you when we see you and if we dont see you for awhile it will be to soon. kwim?

Quoting TinaN64:

Let your husband deal with it.  I wouldn't go completely off, no matter how badly I wanted to (and like you, I would want to kick that bitch's ass), but I would tell her that she broke her granddaughter's heart.

I would also cut WWWAAAAYYYYY down on visits to their home.  I don't know how often you go over there, but I would cut it back by at least 90%.  They would have to come to my home.  They would no longer be invited to ANY extracurricular activities.... And I would let her know exactly what... as in... "Well, since you LIED to my daughter we don't trust you anymore.  The only way to keep her from being hurt by you is to not ask you to be there.  If she never expects you, she can't be hurt". 


25beengoodtome
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:32 PM

 I'd play it cool & calm,  IF gramma invites you all over to her place,  and IF you go be quiet and let your daughter speak right up. don't stop her. You KNOW she's gonna ask her gramma WHY she didn't come to that first game. And, she'll tell gramma how hurt she was. Grammas don't usually get off too easily with their grandchildren. Truth is expected. Straight from the heart.  Just sit by and keep an eye on Gramma, watch her squirm.

~Marie - I'm Absolutely ADDICTED TO CAFEMOM - and loving it!!
jenniepepsi
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:32 PM

i need to know WHY they missed the game. so i said other.

waht if someone was sick and they simply forgot to call. or someone got hurt. or they were in an accedent. when shit like that happens, its very easy to forget.

however, if it was a matter of 'oh i forgot because i didnt care enough'

then yeah. cut the bitch from your lives.

IMG00964-1.gif picture by JenniPepsi

KatherineM
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:36 PM
Although I would be beyond pissed I would let dh handle it.
natekenna
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:39 PM

I am torn on this. The bitch in me says to let her have it. BUT I think this is an issue your hubby needs to deal with. The reason I say that, We are dealing with something similar to this in my house. My mil is a bitch. Plain and simple. She doesn't call, nothing. Last time we heard from her was Christmas Day.. oh wait, we saw her at sil's wedding on New Year's Eve. So we sent a copy of the newspaper our son was in to dh's grandma because ds wanted to, no problem. Started shit because MIL had no idea, how DARE we not tell her.. well, dh went off about she would have known if she ever thought to call and see how we are doing, or the kids, that she is never there for dh but is there for his brothers and sister... needless to say, she tried to email me, and I told her I am not getting in the middle, to leave me alone. THough I wanted to dog her. We have cut off going there, or calling her or anything else. No contact. And to say the least my dh is so much more happier.


Let your dh handle this. It is his family.


miss_nevin
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:43 PM

his mom, he would deal with it..

3babygirlsrock
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:43 PM

Nope no accident or illness. We drove by their house on the way home. Both cars there. So they were home. If someone was sick they do call. My horrible FIL will call and say MIL is sick and we cant come. It has happened before a few times and we always get that call.

Honestly, I think MIL didnt want to get up and go out into the cold. If that was the case she should have said something last night. No harm no foul. Yeah I would have thought, huh thats pretty shitty but I would just go about my life.

I try very hard to be a calm rational person. I have before, flown off the handlebars and said things to hurt. I take responsibility. Since then I have grown up and try to think before I speak.

Let's just say that I am a non confrontational person. I will however beat you down in a heartbeat if you push me to far. =) She once again is on the breaking point.  

Quoting jenniepepsi:

i need to know WHY they missed the game. so i said other.

waht if someone was sick and they simply forgot to call. or someone got hurt. or they were in an accedent. when shit like that happens, its very easy to forget.

however, if it was a matter of 'oh i forgot because i didnt care enough'

then yeah. cut the bitch from your lives.


3babygirlsrock
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 4:46 PM

I wish that would happen but she wont do it. We have always told her to respect and not talk back to her elders. If you dont agree with them you move on. That is how I was raised and that is what I wanted to instill in our daughters. This time it has backfired because she will not speak out against her to her face. She will tell her daddy and I how she feels though. So basically it would be up to us. Oh how I would love for that to happen though! LOL! That would be the best!!

Quoting 25beengoodtome:

 I'd play it cool & calm,  IF gramma invites you all over to her place,  and IF you go be quiet and let your daughter speak right up. don't stop her. You KNOW she's gonna ask her gramma WHY she didn't come to that first game. And, she'll tell gramma how hurt she was. Grammas don't usually get off too easily with their grandchildren. Truth is expected. Straight from the heart.  Just sit by and keep an eye on Gramma, watch her squirm.


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