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UGH what is wrong with me? im a rageing b*t** for no reason:(

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:33 PM
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Good evening ladies!

 

How is everyone? I am just writing this because I need to vent and I feel so trapped and over whelmed, and am haveing a hard time figuring things out. 

 

Have you ever had one of those days, where your pateince just isnt up to par? like today my kids WERE NOT being bad, they really never are. they are great kids, daughter is a little more high maintaince but a total sweet heart. today i just found myself so snappy, for no reason.  like they werent picking up toys fast enough etc..   I felt bad for being so inpatient because they were doing everything I had asked, my son got the potty thing down, and is even popping on the potty!! YAY. 

 

I dont know anymore I feel so overwhelmed by anything and everything. I am on an anti depressant, i find myself crying over things such as tv shows. this so has never been me.  I mena i dont feel depressed.  I was watching the 19 kids and counting and they introduced the baby born way early, not my kid, dont really care for the show, but i burst into tears liek the kid is mine or somethin.  Today I decided I needed a breather.  So i went to the store with my mom, because the hubbs and I are goin to philly on Monday and I needed to get some things for the kids who will be staying here but my mom and there god father will be tending to them for me. My little sister came over and watched them for an 2 hours for me. I came back to finish cleaning.

My house has to be imaculant because people will be staying here and My best friend is in town with my god baby so i wanted t o make sure nothin was on the floor that she could choke on etc.  the house is clean yet i feel like I have so much more to do yet nothin is commin to mind

 

On to our trip to philly. My husband has knew about this appt for like a month.  we bought round trip bus tickets. he has worked doubles this entire week straight so that next week his pay wasnt jacked for the bills.  well he is horrible with makeing plans he is so last minute, where I cant function without a schudle and details being taken care of, Last night i said ok whats the number of the hotel we will be at (was makeing a list for my mom)  he said i havent booked it yet, i figured we'd get it that night.

well the bus doesnt pull in until 9:15pm. we will be on foot (could take a taxi) but funds are tight and i rather walk to save the money. so after being on a cramped bus for 9 hours the last thing i want to do is search all over gods creation for a hotel.  we have to check out of the hotel by 7 on tuesday to make it to hubbys appt. the appt will take about 2 hours. this brings us to 11am. we have to kill time until mid night.  with very limited funds. i mean i thought he had been puttin money aside for this trip and he did but just the bare minimum.  he wants to go out to dinner and there is free things to do and we do have a tiny bit of spending money I think the break away from the kids will be good. I havent ever spent one singel night away from them withe the exception of december when i had my hysterectomy and was in the hospital. 

I think some alone time with the hubby may give our marriage a refresher. Hes a good man, works very very hard. He has his quailities i could do without as im sure he feels the same with me, the biggest issue is we never see each other ever, when we do we are both exhausted.  I graduate college in June and am hopeing this helps fix that,

 

i just dont understand why im so bent out of shape over very minor things.  the phili thing isnt a big deal yet, its buggin me. the tickets are bought  so that leaves us 300 extra dollars.  I am half sad about leaving my kids yet happy, is it wrong to be happy to go away for a little? yet i feel bad at the same time? 

 

I think a little of what is getting to me is I had a hysterectomy in Decemeber, cant have any more kids, i didnt think i wanted anymore, the two i have i was told id never have and I am so thankful, but i feel like they grew so fast and i missed something, or wanted to do more, that i never did, my son went from refusing to use the potty, to only wearing a diaper at night this like literally happened in 2 days. what kinda person gets sad over no longer haveing to change and buy diapers? then its like ok now hes potty trained, next is pre school. he talks about pre schoolall the time. he will say things like hey mommy, now i use potty so i can ride the school bus, etc. it breaks my heart lol!

 

ok rant about basically nothing over

 

thanx if you got this far

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 8:33 PM
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