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you lose friends when you have a child :(

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:30 PM
  • 8 Replies

i've had this really good friend for about 5 or 6 years now. we used to always hang out and even when we went a month without talking it wasn't a huge deal. the next time we talked it was like we had just talked yesterday. now though, we arent friends.

she told me awhile back that i had changed since i became a mom. ....really? duh! she said that i didn't want to do fun things or go hang out at sector 7 (a small venue where a lot of local bands play) anymore. she said i don't call her all the time JUST to talk anymore. i told her i didn't want to go to places like sector 7 anymore. it just doesn't appeal to me. as for the calling, i dont really have anything to say unless she wants to hear all about my son which she acts like she doesn't. gosh i mean, of course having a baby and getting married changes things. my son and my husband are my top priorities! she continued with "you dont want to ever go anywhere during the day when jeff's (dh) at work. you dont want to go to lunch with me or anything. i understand you have bills...i have bills too." FYI, the only bill she has is a cell phone bill. she's unmarried, not a mother, lives with her dad etc etc. SHE DOESNT HAVE A FUCKING MORTGAGE AMONGST EVERY OTHER DAMN BILL EVERY DAMN MONTH! how does she not get that? i can't waste money picking her ass up (yes, she has no car) and going out to eat all the damn time. or just riding around. i have a child for goodness sake! i told her i'd rather stay at home because i'm comfortable there. she says "see that's your problem, you're just going with comfort, not what makes you happy." um...i have a 1 year old, comfort = happiness with me.  anyways, after he putting me down for a good 30 minutes for being an awful friend, it seemed like we were getting to a point where things were fixed. the next week or so was good. i made it a point to text her and i even went and picked her ass up at 10am one morning so she could hang out with me because she was complaining about being bored.

then came friday feb 5. she wanted to color my hair (she's a hairdresser). she offered to color my hair and said she'd wait on me at her shop. this was my birthday present from her (which was feb 7). so i text her and text her later, she doesn't respond. i called, she never answered. never called me back. and then feb 7, she didnt even tell me happy birthday. i know i may sound lame...but that hurt more than anything. i gave her a whole day and a half and she never said anything. she wasnt super busy either because she was off and on facebook all day. so i deleted her from my facebook. childish, but i was hurt.

she hasn't talked to me since i deleted her. my friend lauren (who is married and has a baby so she understands me) is talking to her now. apparently i'm supposed to know why she's mad. but i dont. i dont understand. what did i do wrong? i want to be comfortable. i want to put my husband and my child first. :( she was such a good friend and now...i'm just so hurt. i dont want to talk to her because she doesnt understand where i'm at in my life and she's not going to.

i just wanted to vent. :( sorry if its jumbled and confusing. i'm writing out of anger and sadness.

by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:30 PM
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Replies (1-8):
kk_bella
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:33 PM

I'm sorry sweetie, it is hard. Friends fade really fast when you become a parent.

Don't write her off completely, even if it seems like she has done that to you. I have grown apart from some of my friends only for us to become friends again. Just focus on yourself and your child for now, live your life. Your heart will heal and you will find new friends :)

mrsjones2207
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:35 PM

 Yes sometime you will lose friends after being married or having kids....you just end up having different focuses

prestons.mommy
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:37 PM

thanks momma. im sure she'll understand when she has a kid..whenever that is.

Quoting kk_bella:

I'm sorry sweetie, it is hard. Friends fade really fast when you become a parent.

Don't write her off completely, even if it seems like she has done that to you. I have grown apart from some of my friends only for us to become friends again. Just focus on yourself and your child for now, live your life. Your heart will heal and you will find new friends :)


xXxLillithxXx
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:37 PM

I know how this is first hand. I havn't changed as a person really I just have different priorities. I still LOVE to do the things I used to do but I just can't anymore. And most of my friends have basicly forgotten me. It hurts but you'd do better to just let it go and look for friends who you have more in common with. Good luck.

Chibi_Kitten
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:05 PM

Most of my friends from before I got pregnant, well, they ended up pregnant within the year after my son was born. lol

I had one friend of a friend, she wasn't even my friend, who complained because I never wanted to do anything fun anymore, that all I wanted to do was hang out with my son. Well, when you become a mom, your priorities change and your sense of fun changes too.

To a mom, sitting at home and watching your baby learn to crawl, walk and talk is fun! To a mom, hiding in the kitchen to covertly observe your 2yo dancing along with some show on tv is fun! I can't tell you how much fun I have watching my kids play or taking them to the park or library! The other day, I was washing dishes when it got quiet in my house. I have a 2yo daughter, it is NEVER quiet here, except when one of both of my kids are doing something they shouldn't. So I went to check on her, she was in her room with her "babies" and tucking them in, quietly singing "la la la la" to them. It was so adorable and I had so much fun just watching her!

Anyway, don't write her off completely. Not having any kids of her own, she doesn't ken how much fun we moms get out of just being near our babies. Maybe write out a letter, explaining your feelings to her and tell her that your sense of fun has altered but that you still enjoy and value her friendship, so if she's still willing to be your friend then you're more than happy to maintain a friendship.

Good luck! 

prestons.mommy
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:36 PM

thank you momma. she told my friend lauren that when she comes over we just sit here. i didnt know how to explain that but you explained it perfectly. i love just watching my son. i love just relaxing when i have a chance too. i thought about writing her, but i'm so hurt right now that i dont know if i want to. :/

Quoting Chibi_Kitten:

Most of my friends from before I got pregnant, well, they ended up pregnant within the year after my son was born. lol

I had one friend of a friend, she wasn't even my friend, who complained because I never wanted to do anything fun anymore, that all I wanted to do was hang out with my son. Well, when you become a mom, your priorities change and your sense of fun changes too.

To a mom, sitting at home and watching your baby learn to crawl, walk and talk is fun! To a mom, hiding in the kitchen to covertly observe your 2yo dancing along with some show on tv is fun! I can't tell you how much fun I have watching my kids play or taking them to the park or library! The other day, I was washing dishes when it got quiet in my house. I have a 2yo daughter, it is NEVER quiet here, except when one of both of my kids are doing something they shouldn't. So I went to check on her, she was in her room with her "babies" and tucking them in, quietly singing "la la la la" to them. It was so adorable and I had so much fun just watching her!

Anyway, don't write her off completely. Not having any kids of her own, she doesn't ken how much fun we moms get out of just being near our babies. Maybe write out a letter, explaining your feelings to her and tell her that your sense of fun has altered but that you still enjoy and value her friendship, so if she's still willing to be your friend then you're more than happy to maintain a friendship.

Good luck! 


junebug624
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:42 PM

 I have a "friend" like that... Ive known her 10 yrs and she blew me off while she was home from school during xmas for a whole month and while she was home last month for a week... yea she messaged me the other day saying she couldnt wait to see me during spring break (she doesnt know, that i knew she was home)... and i suspect she has nothing better to do... i think people like that are scared of catching the mommy disease

smcclure2005
by on Feb. 21, 2010 at 4:49 AM

I never saw it that way. I saw it like they were never my real friends anyway.

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