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pregnant and want a divorce

Posted by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:41 PM
  • 129 Replies

I am 8 months pregnant. I still love my DH, but he just isn't the man I need him to be and I am beginning to realize that I can never make him the man I need him to be. He works really hard and he is a great guy with a loving heart, but in so many ways I married a little boy, not a man. He can't clean up after himself no matter how many times I ask, and I used to try to talk to to him about it and he would promise he would try and things would change etc. Now he hardly says anything, and if he does he says "okay," but his tone says "not this again, I want this conversation over quickly." I can't get him to change the litter box more than once every one or two weeks. My pregnancy is high risk. I CAN'T do it. The last thing I need is one more thing to put our daughter at risk. I told him today that I am going to get rid of the cats because he can't take care of them and he is a grown man I should not have to ask him every day about the litter. I know it sounds stupid, but I love these two cats a lot. One of them really helped me when I was recovering from an abusive relationship. I have had him for 4 years. The other one is always at my side no matter where I am. Every time I had morning sickness so bad that I was lying on the bathroom floor if I wasn't puking she was right there. I am very attached to them. It is painful for me to let them go. They are more than just animals to me. When I told him I said it seems like you don't care. He said, "I really don't right now. If you got rid of them it is just one less thing for me to deal with." Then when he walked out the door for work for the first time in our marriage he did not hug me or say I love you. He just said, "see ya later." It just kind of feels like nothing is getting better and everything is getting worse. Like I said. I still love him, but his behavior is becoming more and more apathetic. He will hug me and say I love you, but when it comes to actual things I NEED him to do he just isn't there for me. We have been fighting so much that I already have a suitcase packed in the car. It is more the logistics that have me worried now. I can't stay with my mother, even temporarily for reasons I would rather not discuss, my dad has passed away, my sister is a kid and lives with my mom, most of my friends still live with their parents (they are in their late 20's though) so I don't really have anywhere to go. Also, his car is broken right now and he needs a way to get to work. I don't want to take his transportation away (like I said I don't hate him, I just don't think our marriage works anymore). So the logistics really worry me. Plus I don't have any money saved up. IDK any advice ladies? I am so sad it has come to this. I really do still love him.

by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kk_bella
by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:42 PM

I wanted a divorce when i was pregnant also. I'm glad I didn't do it back then. I also didn't love him.

You love him, work on things. If you've already tried, try again. You love him....

lovinmyboys...
by Gold Member on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:43 PM

I just have to say this sounds like a LOT of men and if you're looking for another man to want to do things for you around the house, you'll be looking a long time. 

bubbles041
by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:44 PM

If you still love him like you say then TRY counseling or something to make it work.  Just sounds like your giving up too easily and over silly things.  JMO

tabby_edwards
by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:45 PM

i think it MIGHT be horomones hun....why dont u wait ...u said urself u still love him

 

bluelola
by Silver Member on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:45 PM

You guys should go to counselling.  You love him and he is a good guy.  Don't walk out just yet.  It sounds like there is a marriage worth saving, but you both need a little help.

gavansmommy
by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:46 PM

Have you tried counciling?  If you love him then give it a shot.  I have only been married for 4 years but we have had our ups and downs, but we make it work.  Maybe try to write him a letter that way he can go over it at his own pace and not feeling like you are nagging him (not saying that you were but I'm just saying from a guys perspective).  Good luck, I feel your pain, I have been in your shoes beforehugs

hautemama83
by Nichole on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:47 PM

 

Quoting kk_bella:

I wanted a divorce when i was pregnant also. I'm glad I didn't do it back then. I also didn't love him.

You love him, work on things. If you've already tried, try again. You love him....

 This ^^

And also ya know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. The things you say he does, he pretty typical for a lot of men. Maybe you should try and step back and put yourself in his shoes, look at things from his perspective. And yeah sometimes thats admitting you might also be part in the blame.


But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
---Umberto Eco

Gecko85
by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:47 PM

I know it sounds like silly things, but I have been having this argument about cleaning with him for MONTHS. And men really can do it. My dad was fully capable of cleaning up after himself. He didn't want to burden my mother with extra work.

ss1436
by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:47 PM

I not trying to be mean, but your situation really doesn't seem that bad. If I were you I would try counseling before giving up completely on the marriage. I mean if you still love him, then you should give it a chance:) Good luck!


MeganRoggero
by on Mar. 1, 2010 at 11:49 PM

Go to a counselor! Seriously if the expenses are the problem think about the expense of a divorce! You obviously love him so there is salvageability

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