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Not going well....

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:10 AM
  • 8 Replies

So i dont know how many of you had read my posts recently about my husband leaving me. He told me that he doesn't love me and he has tried but he just can't force himself too. After a few weeks being apart he told me he wanted to try to start over. Form a friendship and see if something grows from there. This has been VERY hard. He is staying at his parents but won't set something up there more permanent. He wants to get his own apartment but we in no way can afford a whole 2nd apartment. He comes over here every day to spend time with the kids but its very very ackward between us. We have hung out just us a few times and we have had a good time when we do. I really love him...ALOT. I want to be with him. Apparently I just am not doing a good job of showing this to him. He is always on my mind, I can't stop thinking about him.  He feels like he can't make any progress with what he wants while he is sleeping at his parents. Meanwhile I have the kids ALL the time. He has "babysat" a few times when I need him too but I have them all day and night...alone. He says hes going to figure out a way to get his own apartment but I really just don't see that happening anytime soon.  Today he told me that he still feels the same way as he did on day 1 and while he is keeping his mind open he just doesnt think its going to work. He knows that I really love him and would do anything for him and he feels bad that he doesn't feel the same way. What should I do? I really love him.

 

 

 





 

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:10 AM
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Replies (1-8):
night.magic
by Chicken Nugget on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:13 AM

 Have you guys tried some form of counceling. It might help.

NESmith63
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:16 AM

He doesn't want to go to counseling...he doesnt really believe in it.

prestonjohn
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:19 AM

get a divorce and remain friends,,him wanting his own place is a big indicator that he wants to persue other relationships without his parents knowing what is going on..how long were you married,,can you get alimony? i know you will get child support. It is best to break ties and not let yourseld believe that there MIGHT be the us again...he clearly is telling you he wants out,,and I think he says maybe it will work to spare your feelings,,when really you just need to be told straight up from him its over,,so you can begin to heal

night.magic
by Chicken Nugget on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:23 AM

 Yep, if he isn't willing to try and work on things, then I would wipe the slate clean and move forward. Don't get stuck waiting on him to maybe be with you or maybe not. Sounds like he needs to work on himself.

shortla2374
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:25 AM


Quoting prestonjohn:

get a divorce and remain friends,,him wanting his own place is a big indicator that he wants to persue other relationships without his parents knowing what is going on..how long were you married,,can you get alimony? i know you will get child support. It is best to break ties and not let yourseld believe that there MIGHT be the us again...he clearly is telling you he wants out,,and I think he says maybe it will work to spare your feelings,,when really you just need to be told straight up from him its over,,so you can begin to heal

I completely agree. I think that eventhough it will hurt you, you should give him what he wants.
So you can get through the hurt.

NESmith63
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 11:34 AM

I dont want to get through the hurt. I love him! Not to mention if he leaves I will have nothing. I am a SAHM with no job and even with child support and what not there is no way i will ever be able to afford our apartment or anything in or around our area. I will have to move away somewhere that i dont know and am alone. I dont know if I am strong enough to get over this. I really do love him. I can't just let it go.

NESmith63
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 5:26 PM

anybody have any words of wisdom or advice?

prestonjohn
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 6:32 PM

I know you want to be told something positive,,but it sounds like nothing positive will come of hangin on to someone who is moving on,,he is clearly moving on,,odds are there is someone else already,,what are you going to do if he serves you divorce papers,,,you need to get yourself together now,,no time for feeling sorry for yourself,,you have to kids,,there is ALWAYS a way,,,start looking for a job,,there is no more SAHM,,,its now survival mode,,look into daycares in your area,,there are child care programs where they will pay so much to the daycare for you and you pay the rest,,sometimes as little as 5 bucks...look into foodstamps,,,you dont have to live forever on this stuff,,just long enough to pull yourself together,,try and find a smaller apartment,,you will get the vehicle if there is only one since you will have the kids...DO NOT worry about how he will pay his bills or if he can afford an apartment all that jazz,,it is not your problem,,you need to think think think right now,,he can stop giving you any money for the bills and just get his own apartment,,it would be a shitty thing to do but he can do it,,and if he is one foot out the door like it seems,,odds are he is going to do it,,so start looking now for that job,,do not be afraid to be alone,,my mother is that way and she goes from one bad marriage to another with such losers because she doesnt want to be alone,,like now her hubby is always in jail,,he cant behave himself,,she is technically alone,,though my sister lives with her, when he is in jail,,but i guess its a comfort to know he will be back,,,don't end up like her,,because truley even if they are there if they dont love you or want to be there you are still alone,,but then you cant move on to be happy...feel free to pm me if you want to talk

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