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My neice...need advice to pass on.

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:35 PM
  • 22 Replies

I have a 16 yo neice that's pregnant, and my sister is throwing fits.  She's trying her best to be supportive of my neice, but Lindsay has gotten to where she doesn't want to talk to anyone about what she wants to do about the baby.  She won't say if she wants to marry the father, give the baby up, raise the child as a single mother, nothing.  My bil is kinda the way to bully answers out of someone, and I don't blame Lindsay for not talking to him.  However, he's her father and deserves to know what she has planned.  The parents of the father of the baby aren't even aware of the pregnancy yet, and my sister is about ready to bust that bubble considering Lindsay is about four months now.

She's completely clammed up about this, and my sister doesn't know what to do.

I'll be away from my computer for a while today, but if you don't have any advice, I'd appreciate a bump so others can see this.  I'll check in when I get back.

                                     

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mybabyapples
by Purple People Eater on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:38 PM

 Maybe take her to a support group to talk to.She could get more information from other girls in her shoes and make a better informed decision for herself.

reecenkaden
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:39 PM

Sit her down, and ask her outright. Don't demand. Ask. She's still a kid and she's probably terrified. Ask her what she wants for the baby, if she has any plans, if she needs anything even just someone to talk to who isn't so invested in making her make a choice RIGHT NOW.

Be an open ear with an open mind and remember she needs a shoulder, not a soldier.

rhope4
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:39 PM

 My sister has considered getting people from crisis pregnancy centers to come to the house to give her a reality check about the cost of a newborn...diapers, formula, etc.  I don't think anything has been done there yet though.

Thanks for the reply.

Quoting mybabyapples:

 Maybe take her to a support group to talk to.She could get more information from other girls in her shoes and make a better informed decision for herself.

 

                                     

momof2jmms
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:40 PM

 

Quoting mybabyapples:

 Maybe take her to a support group to talk to.She could get more information from other girls in her shoes and make a better informed decision for herself.

 This is a great idea!

Beauty LouBeauty Lou   

rhope4
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:41 PM

 Problem is, I live a good five hours from them.  I'd LOVE to be that ear for her since she's only a month older than my own oldest child.  She's like my own daughter, but without the headaches of a teenage pregnancy, lol.  I agree that she's probably terrified and even told my sister that she probably feels trapped.

I so want to help here but don't know what to do...

Quoting reecenkaden:

Sit her down, and ask her outright. Don't demand. Ask. She's still a kid and she's probably terrified. Ask her what she wants for the baby, if she has any plans, if she needs anything even just someone to talk to who isn't so invested in making her make a choice RIGHT NOW.

Be an open ear with an open mind and remember she needs a shoulder, not a soldier.

 

                                     

kikibix
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:43 PM

I'd be circling rental apt.'s and grocery flyers, utitlity bill samples, etc and  asking her how she plans to afford that.  Get a list of job ads that show what they pay and a calculator.  Sit down and do the math.  Your neice has to talk to her parents if she wants their support. She has to see that she has no choice.  Her parents need to decide on their own how far they want to support and help her, if they do at all.  I'd also be getting books on pregnancy and prenatal care, etc.  She needs all the information she can get even if it has to be shoved down her throat. At 4 months pregnant she cannot pretend she is not pregnant and it will all go away. 

reecenkaden
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:43 PM

Ask her if she wants to spend next weekend with you. Maybe she needs a break from the house drama. Pic her up after school on friday, go out, eat, hang together with your dd. Then go home and settle. She may just open up because you're not pushing.

Quoting rhope4:

 Problem is, I live a good five hours from them.  I'd LOVE to be that ear for her since she's only a month older than my own oldest child.  She's like my own daughter, but without the headaches of a teenage pregnancy, lol.  I agree that she's probably terrified and even told my sister that she probably feels trapped.

I so want to help here but don't know what to do...

Quoting reecenkaden:

Sit her down, and ask her outright. Don't demand. Ask. She's still a kid and she's probably terrified. Ask her what she wants for the baby, if she has any plans, if she needs anything even just someone to talk to who isn't so invested in making her make a choice RIGHT NOW.

Be an open ear with an open mind and remember she needs a shoulder, not a soldier.

 


rhope4
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:48 PM

 I can't afford the trip, and besides, they live on the outskirts of Houston.  Support groups like a pp suggested should be plenty, but a trip out there is out of the question.  If I lived closer, that would be a good idea, but I can't do that.  I've thought about calling her, but she knows I'm close to her mother.  She's probably afraid anything she says to me would get back to her mother.  Besides, my kids aren't aware of the pregnancy at my sister's request.  They will know soon enough...

Quoting reecenkaden:

Ask her if she wants to spend next weekend with you. Maybe she needs a break from the house drama. Pic her up after school on friday, go out, eat, hang together with your dd. Then go home and settle. She may just open up because you're not pushing.

Quoting rhope4:

 Problem is, I live a good five hours from them.  I'd LOVE to be that ear for her since she's only a month older than my own oldest child.  She's like my own daughter, but without the headaches of a teenage pregnancy, lol.  I agree that she's probably terrified and even told my sister that she probably feels trapped.

I so want to help here but don't know what to do...

Quoting reecenkaden:

Sit her down, and ask her outright. Don't demand. Ask. She's still a kid and she's probably terrified. Ask her what she wants for the baby, if she has any plans, if she needs anything even just someone to talk to who isn't so invested in making her make a choice RIGHT NOW.

Be an open ear with an open mind and remember she needs a shoulder, not a soldier.

 

 

 

                                     

rhope4
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:48 PM

I also need to add that I have a job myself.  By the time I get to Houston, it would be too late to do anything anyway.

emfm2013
by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 2:49 PM

hey, i emailed u a response

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