Why are people these days so unwilling? (Update since more info on my personal situation is needed)

[excougarmama]

Why are people these days so unwilling to struggle? A lot of people (notice I didn't say all) think that if they can't afford a cell phone or a yearly family vacation that they are indeed "struggling". I totally disagree.  So many people turn to PA when they truly don't need it. They are just unwilling to do what it takes.

My DH worked in the oilfield for 20 years. December 2008 he became unemployed due to all the oil rigs in the United States (at least 75% of them) being shut down. He has always had major breathing problems, degenerative disk disease as well as the fact that he is deaf. We decided that this was a time to file for disability for him. SO January of 2009 we filed for disability. THIS meant that we could not claim unemployment because in order to get unemployment you have to honestly be "available and able" to work each day.  We had $1200 in the bank as of January 14th 2009.  I of course filed our taxes as early as possible and our refund was $3200 and we got that the first week of March 2009. Our total income from January 2009-September 2009 (when he was deemed disabled) was $4400. We have 3 kids, a house note etc.  We let our Tahoe go and survived with one car, shut off the internet, shut off the cable, used some scrap materials to build a chicken coop and my FIL gave us 10 chickens. We raised chickens for the eggs and I shopped the ads for meat deals. We also raised a huge garden that summer and ate from it.  We ate a lot of red beans and rice during that time. And believe me they were the dry beans that you have to soak first. We shut off the cell phones. I would walk through the house shutting off lights and opening curtains during the day. I rearranged the furniture so that if you wanted to read or play that you got the best sunlight.

We never once filed for any assistance of any kind. We have always used cloth diapers so it wasnt difficult to continue to do so.  I bought the kids' summer clothes at garages sales. Usually on the last day of the sale when the people just want to get rid of it so they sell it for like $0.10/a piece.

I guess what  I am saying is that peoples' perception of struggling has changed and not for the better.  People are unwilling to struggle and provide for themselves. They "seem" to think that the second someone loses a job that they are ENTITLED to PA. I agree with PA. I think it is there for a reason. But sometimes it's sought after too quickly.

Do you know what I learned from our experience of no income for 9 months? I learned that there are a lot of things we don't need. We still don't have cable or cell phones.  We do have internet but that is because I homeschool the kids and it's a learning tool.  We still shop very frugally even though we are doing much better than before.

I just wish people would be more willing to work to provide for their families even if the work isn't for a paycheck. More willing to do without the extras.

Since additional information on my personal situation has been requested I will try to answer as many questions as possible.  You are right that disability is not a great income. Yes he is permanantly disabled. He cannot walk 15 feet without his oxygen tank and this is from years and years of breathing caustic materials used to weigh down mud that is used in the drilling for oil process.  No we didn't own any of the drilling sites.

I didn't go get a job because at the time that he lost his job I was 3 months pregnant and on restricted activity due to complications. I also was needed at home to take care of him. He actually worked 8 years past the time that his doctor begged him to go on disability. They were worried it would kill him and his job landed him in the hospital many times due to his breathing problems. I was needed to take care of him, the other children and I also homeschool our children.

No we didn't get A LOT of help from family and friends. YES when my FIL butchered a hog we were given about 10 pounds of pork. YES he also gave us the 10 chickens that we used (and still use) for eggs. YES my FIL did come over and till up our garden space and help us work it until I got off of restricted activity.

NO I did not apply then and I do not intend to apply now for PA. We are making it. I was able to can and freeze a LOT of produce from our garden and our grocery bill is quite low.

We live in a VERY small community in the south where the cost of living is VERY low. We were able to purchase (5 years ago) a 1700 sq ft house for $56K. Our mortgage is only $400/month. 

I never said that PA is wrong. In fact if you read my post slowly you will see that I specifically said I didn't mean everyone, and I didn't mean that if you NEED it that you shouldn't get it.. I just mean that there are a lot of people out there who don't try to reduce their costs and make it on what they have.

[vatofamily]

I agree 110%. 

[mama310583]

I agree somewhat.

[tams_64]

Quoting mama310583:

I agree somewhat.

  SAME HERE.

[kk_bella]

I agree with a lot of what you said. IDK why, it's just a totally different perspective these days.

When I was growing up, my parents lived off of credit. They did not live within their means at all. My mom grew up in poverty and has spent almost her entire life trying to keep up with the Joneses. She is still like that, IMO, it is really sad and pathetic.

But my brother and I were raised to be like that. When we were younger, both of us got into a financial mess because we were of the mindset that if we want something, we can have it and putting something on credit is no biggie.

I tell you what, it has been really hard for me to change my way of thinking. I have made major changes. I don't have any debt and will never use a credit card again.  I budget and save up for things now instead.

Your post also reminds me of the fact that my mom has been drawing social security for a while now. She has been talking about her SS checks for years. It's a rather small amount, not enough to support her. I'm not sure what her finances are like now but I know that when she first started recieving social security, she did not need it. At all. They were living very well without it.

My mom says she paid into social security so she deserves it. My grandmother, on the other hand, does not look at social security like an entitlement. She always said that social security was meant for the elderly that had no other income and no savings, for the elderly whose children had died or had experienced a tragedy that left them in financial ruins...that it was not intended for people who were otherwise financially stable. Yet financially stable people draw on their social security all the time because it's 'their money'. *shrug* A lot has changed in the last 60 years.

[excougarmama]

I am not saying it's bad or wrong to be on PA. If you NEED it then you NEED it. But it seems that more and more people are unwilling to try harder.

[excougarmama]

Quoting kk_bella:

I agree with a lot of what you said. IDK why, it's just a totally different perspective these days.

When I was growing up, my parents lived off of credit. They did not live within their means at all. My mom grew up in poverty and has spent almost her entire life trying to keep up with the Joneses. She is still like that, IMO, it is really sad and pathetic.

But my brother and I were raised to be like that. When we were younger, both of us got into a financial mess because we were of the mindset that if we want something, we can have it and putting something on credit is no biggie.

I tell you what, it has been really hard for me to change my way of thinking. I have made major changes. I don't have any debt and will never use a credit card again.  I budget and save up for things now instead.

Your post also reminds me of the fact that my mom has been drawing social security for a while now. She has been talking about her SS checks for years. It's a rather small amount, not enough to support her. I'm not sure what her finances are like now but I know that when she first started recieving social security, she did not need it. At all. They were living very well without it.

My mom says she paid into social security so she deserves it. My grandmother, on the other hand, does not look at social security like an entitlement. She always said that social security was meant for the elderly that had no other income and no savings, for the elderly whose children had died or had experienced a tragedy that left them in financial ruins...that it was not intended for people who were otherwise financially stable. Yet financially stable people draw on their social security all the time because it's 'their money'. *shrug* A lot has changed in the last 60 years.

I agree with your grandmother.

[Just_Bethy]

 We have been dead poor before..We had NO frills for almost a year....that was cool with us...we both grew up poor..But we DID file for F/S for hubby and one of the girls...(Jaz and I didn't have our green card so they turned us dow...They would cheerfully let my 9 y/o go without food...)..I do'nt care who looks down on F/S..I did what it took to feed my kids....phone TV..(No PC back then)...One car...rented trailer what ever..but I'll be damned if they go to bed hungry so I can boast we were never on PA.....

[excougarmama]

And in your situation it sounds like you did everything you could first to survive and THEN turned to FS. Like I said, that is the way it should be. You do what you can do first then ask for help with what you can't do. I would not say you were unwilling to struggle. I am glad your kids got fed.

Quoting Just_Bethy:

 We have been dead poor before..We had NO frills for almost a year....that was cool with us...we both grew up poor..But we DID file for F/S for hubby and one of the girls...(Jaz and I didn't have our green card so they turned us dow...They would cheerfully let my 9 y/o go without food...)..I do'nt care who looks down on F/S..I did what it took to feed my kids....phone TV..(No PC back then)...One car...rented trailer what ever..but I'll be damned if they go to bed hungry so I can boast we were never on PA.....

[mastomommyof3]

Well said.  I think our society has become selfish and entitled.  Back when I was growing up, my mom worked three jobs just to keep roof over our heads and food in the fridge.  We didn't go out for meals at all EVER!  It was so hard for mom to say that the money just wasn'[t there for an ice cream cone or a hamburger.  There were many days when she just broke down.  BUT, it was also some of the best days ever and I will never forget them.  It tought me to work hard for what I want and to never give up.  We were never on PA and she never asked anyone for money.  We made good with what we had and lived well below our means.  Clothes were given to us by her friend's older children.  We definitely would've qualified, but mom wanted to make it without,   

[momofbrian]

I think that is a bunch of bologna!  My husband has been working for the same company for over 20 years.  I was laid off from my last position over five years ago.  I have been trying to get a job ever since to no avail.  We got on the public housing list over four years ago.  We finally got into a rent reduced apartment based on what our income is.  It definitely takes two incomes to make it in the real world.  We don't get Food Stamps because my husband makes too much money but then we have to end up going to the food pantries every once in a while.  We don't have cable.  I need to have the internet so I can continue to look for work.  We were living in a room before we got into public housing.  We got evicted from our last apartment because we couldn't afford the rent anymore due to the fact I got laid off from my last position.  We couldn't just find another cheaper apartment because we had a lease.  My son and I also had to go to live with my Mother in Alabama for a while.  When we came back to New York we lived in a room in a boarding house with my husband.