This is a fake profile, only b/c I'm too ashamed to reveal myself. I have no one to talk to here and I'm deeply depressed over this and I know I'm selfish and I don't care who bashes me, I just need SOMEONE to understand.... PM me if you want if you don't want to reveal the truth about yourself.
According to most on here, if you smoke, you are selfish and don't deserve to be pregnant... Well, I don't know if I fully agree with you on that but I do agree that it is selfish... and I have no way of getting out of it right now... When I first found out, I honestly tried to quit... really, I DID try and even slowed down to half a pack a day... not too bad according to my dr. During the past month or so, I've picked back up to a pack (scream at me if you must, but I've already put myself through hell about it.) I try to keep busy, I try to do other things to keep my mind off it.... SOMEHOW, they keep disappearing and I don't know how I'm doing it. I've hid them from myself, tried not getting a pack... dosn't help that my b/f smokes too... I'm somehow smoking more than I realize.
I'm SO upset and disappointed in myself I can't stand it... and I think its adding more stress on me. A PACK A DAY!!! There is NO excuse!
If something happens to my baby, its all MY fault, if he is born with issues, its ALL my fault. I'm 32 weeks and so far he seems normal at every appt, but I can't help but get the feeling that SOMETHING is going to go wrong. I'm scared to quit compleatly anyways b/c it would add more stress on the baby, and keeping slowed down is somehow harder than it really is... Say whatever you must, trust me, it can't make me feel any worse than what I've already done to myself. I don't know what is wrong with me and I can't help it. Everything else I do is healthy... eating, not lifting, no drinking...ect... but smoking a pack a day is the worst and probably what would be the THE worst I could do. I'm HORRIABLY embarrassed and don't know what to do, I'm really trying to keep it down and nothing I do is working, I don't know where I'm going wrong to keep it down to a "healthy" mininum.
At this point, I'm scared and hoplessly guilty and I know I'm putting my son's life at risk... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!
I wrote this in a reply, just incase you didn't see it ~
Just wanted to say, again, thanks for those who support and at least try to understand. I may not be responding, but I am reading all the replies and find alot of things helpful.
To those who have PMed me, thank you for sharing your stories.... I have alot of messages and trying to reply to who I can. Just wanted you to know, I am reading all of it and am amazed at the support, concern and care that comes from others in a time of need.... Thats what I try to do for others and I appreciate from everyone else.
I've never smoked so I dk what it's like, however, don't say you don't deserve the baby, I'm sure you will be a great mommy!! Big hugs!
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Sometimes it's just impossible to quit for any reason. If you want, you can PM me, I wont judge.
I smoke, and have for IDK something like 13 years. Anyhow I was able to quit fine when I was pregnant, both times, it just wasn't a question to do other wise. Anyhow I have heard that its actually better to NOT quit if you're *that* addicted t smoking. yeah its shitty and yeah it sucks, hopefully you are doing everything else properly. I'd say as long as everything is fine now, I'm pretty sure it will continue to be.
But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
---Umberto Eco
I think it's sad that this group is so full of judgemental bashers that you had to create a fake profile to get support for something that I KNOW many, many pregnant moms are going through.
I smoked through my entire pregnancy. I cut back, but still smoked. My daughter is six years old now and she is perfectly healthy.
Smoking brings risks, don't get me wrong, but I do believe that health officials over exaggerate those risks. If you can cut back, more power to ya, but don't bash yourself for not being able to stop cold turkey, momma.
I do understand. I don't bash. Those that do bash usually HAVE NO IDEA what it's like to try to stop smoking, regardless of reasons for quitting. Judgemental cunts, that's all they are.
You are not selfish. Ciggies are hard to kick.
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- AshamedMommy
on Mar. 18, 2010 at 11:17 PM