I really want to do this but I'm scared

[rosa_lee]

 Let me start by saying that my parents never really socailized or encouraged me and I come from and abusive father and an alcoholic mother so I now struggle with anxiety and fear of the unknown and new things. I also never really knew of all the opportunities that are out there because they never really talked to us about anything. My mom dropped out of high school to marry my dad and she looks down on people with college educations so it's always been kind of a ridiculous dream from her perspective. By her way of thinking I should just be happy to be a wife and mother because that's what she did. 

Anyway, getting to the point, a long time ago I went to school to be a medical assistant and MY LOANS ARE FINALLY PAID OFF!!!  I am thinking that I want to go back to school but like real college and get an actual college degree. I want this for myself and I want it so that I can set the proper example for my daughters but I am so scared.

I don't like being around new people all that much and I feel very anxious and uncomfortable in social situations such as a college campus. Plus, I don't like people looking at me because I feel very self concious of how fat I am and although I am losing the weight and starting to feel good again I'm still scared/nervous/anxious. These feelings probably come from my dad never letting us speak and always telling us how, when and why to do everything.

I want this so bad and I know that if I'm gonna do this it has to be now while my girls are young. I have to overcome this fear and anxiety I have not only for myself but because I don't want them to be like me. I'm really excited about this so I just wanted to get it out. If there is anybody else out there like me feel free to speak up so I don't feel like I am crazy lol I can't be the only one like me,can I???

[KBM99]

congrats momma.. I have been taking online classes and even though I am a social person I am very nervous about going back to actual campus classes.. Because I am a social person around my friends.. Not new people lol.. But I dont really know what to tell you except go for it.. You can never go wrong getting a degree

[rileygirl]

 Im a pretty nervous person in new settings. I didn't have the best childhood either. I just enrolled in online classes.

i also have a fear of speaking over the phone. I get really anxious and have mild panic attacks. It's weird, and I was actually thinking earlier, that these people, in person or over the phone, have no idea who i am, or what ive been through. & in a way, its a way to start fresh. kwim? Where you can actually be yourself and in your own skin.

i know the emotions you are experiencing, and I hope things look up for you! It's awesome you are considering going back to school to further your education. & the fact that your mother looks "down" upon it is insane. It's your life, and you do as your please sweetie!

Good luck!

[lilblu399]

Maybe try online classes or maybe a community college, classes tend to be smaller that way. Also look to your girls for inpiration. When I first strated out in college, I taped a few pictures of my son and husband on my notebook so they would be always there with me. It also was a great converation starter and I made some good freinds.

 

[MalachaisMommy]

i know EXACTLY what you mean. I am like that. my parents were also alcoholics.(no abuse though)  I am always nervous and self concious, i cant talk on the phone and i definitely cant tlk to anyone in person, i feel ugly and fat and i feel like everyone is judging me. even over the internet.  i cant look people in the eyes. i am also very paranoid when i am alone. but i am looking into online classes, i dont really know what for yet, but it is going to happen.

i wish you the best of luck!!!! you can do it!!

[MixedCooke]

Some "real" colleges offer internet courses where you basically show up for the first day of class to introduce yourself and then only show up for the mid-term and final exams.

[the_kimmers]

I'd suggest the online classes, too, if you're that uncomfortable around people.  You can get a degree online and hardly ever have to go to campus!  I just completed a mini-term online class and never met anyone from the class or the instructor!  We all communicated via blackboard and emails.

I'd suggest counseling, though, for your issues.  I feel like a lot of people would benefit from it if they'd give it a chance...if you can find a good counselor, that is.  I've heard many people say that they didn't like their counselor, but there are great ones out there...I've been seeing mine for 3 years now and it's helped me a lot!

If this is what you want, then go for it.  Whatever your parents told you doesn't matter.  You're a grown woman and it's up to.  I think it's great that you want to set a better example for your children!

I'm a full-time student, single mom, and work part time...it's hard, really hard, but it's 100% worth all the struggle!  It's an accomplishment that no one can ever take away from you! 

You can do it!  The best things in life don't come easy!

[oporb]

I started back at school -- I'm 31 so it was really weird - but you get comfy pretty quick. I took a couple in person classes -- really didn't talk to anyone except 2 ladies one my age, one in her 60's....  No one looked at me - if they did I'm sure I just looked old!!

But I'm preg now and taking all my classes online - some stuff is easy to take online, some things I need to take in person.

I went back to school because I want to be able to support my kids by myself - I'm a sahm but if my dh left or died we'd be screwed - so I want to be able to do it alone if I ever have to.

But regardless - it will be scarey the first few days but you'll get over it pretty quick......  at comunity colleges there are ALL kinds of people -- young, old, HUGE, blind, etc. etc..... its not like college you see on tv where everyone is young and pretty -- in fact its quite the opposite -- more like the people you see at Wal Mart!!

[faerie75]

 right there with you, not for the same reasons though. i am a college drop out. i am going to be 35 this year. i am smart and i should have gotten a degree. they say its never too late but i am TERRIFIED to return to school. @sigh@