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To woman who have been married awhile 7 -10 + years

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:46 AM
  • 39 Replies

Lately I have been feeling like he is not the person I married. He does things that he used to never do. I no longer feel like I am the only one he has eyes for, (maybe the wording is wrong cause i know he isn't cheating). I just feel out of sorts, like I don't know him anymore. Theres more to it but its hard to put into words.

Oh BTW hes still a good husband and treats me well, so its not like he started abusing me or anything.

Is that a normal feeling?

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
anetrnlov
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:50 AM

Only been married 4 so here's a bump.

poshkat
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:50 AM

sounds like the 7 year itch to me. its probably just a phase but i would talk to him about it.

momaof8
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:52 AM

It is normal to go through phases. Just don't get the grass is greener thoughts. I wouls try to rekindle your feelings. Try going to where you had your first date. Doing something that reminds you of when you were first together ect. Tell him you want a date night because you miss him.  Also try doing five nice things for him expecting nothing in return. Like making his favorite dinner or desert.  I have been married 23 years and we make date nights and always make holidays special ect.

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my4kids274
by Drill Sergeant Mommy on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:53 AM

Sounds like what my dh and I went through.  Ours was mainly lack of communication on both of our parts.  He was so engrossed in work that it was like I did not exist and that made me mad so I stopped talking to him for the most part and stopped spending time with him.  We went to counseling and we saved our marriage...

excougarmama
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:53 AM

A lot of times people fail to remember that as our spouses are growing and changing as people so are we. Marriage can be a battle at times.  The man you married is still the same man that is before you, meaning there is just more to him now than there was then.  YOU have changed him as HE has changed you.  If there are specific things that he has started doing that are extremely bothersome to you then you need to discuss those things with him.

Oh and married for 15 years this September.

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momtoariana617
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:54 AM

I would agree with momaof8 go on a date night, or better yet start plannng them as a monthly thing if you can. Go and have fun with each other! try something new, and if he is hesistant about it, make him go anyway :)

gulfcoastmom4
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:57 AM

Thanks guys, trust me I have no intention of leaving or anything drastic. I love him more than anything.  A date night thing would be good but everytime I talk to him he agrees but then nothing ever happens.

Tea4Tas
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:58 AM

That happened to us about 14 years into our marriage. We went to counseling for 5 years, but ultimately my EX didn't want to do any of the things that the FIVE different doctors suggested.

He was clinically depressed after his Mother died, and wouldn't get treatment for that, or his anger issues that stemmed from his depression.  The most pathetic part is that his children don't remember him before depression, and now, with no treatment, he hardly sees them at all, because they don't want to, and who can blame them?

He lives 2 miles away and hasn't seen or talked to 2 of his children for over a year now.

MommyBoha
by Country Girl on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:09 AM

 Phases are normal. The key is always keep the communication lines open. And as stupid as it sounds.. laugh together. Ive been married almost 8 years and while we have had our share of problems, the man still gives me butterflies. We never go to bed mad, we make a point to laugh together every day and we talk. He is incredible and is BETTER than the man I married. We've grown together.

De_Chick
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:10 AM

I agree with this completely. Also be sure to flirt with him. People forget to flirt after they have been married for awhile.

Quoting momaof8:

It is normal to go through phases. Just don't get the grass is greener thoughts. I wouls try to rekindle your feelings. Try going to where you had your first date. Doing something that reminds you of when you were first together ect. Tell him you want a date night because you miss him.  Also try doing five nice things for him expecting nothing in return. Like making his favorite dinner or desert.  I have been married 23 years and we make date nights and always make holidays special ect.



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