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Venting about the loss of my dear friend...

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:59 AM
  • 24 Replies

I just have to get this out you guys. Sorry.

My friend Shane. What can I say about Shane? I can say, he loved his wife, who also happens to be a dear friend. She loves him SO much. Have you ever heard the sounds someone makes when they are losing their soulmate? I never quite understood what "keening" for a loved one meant exactly...

Shane loved his boys, too. And they him.

Shane loved the outdoors, fishing and hunting.

He was a poet.

and air guitar player...

a kind and gentle soul...

and a drug addict.

a substance abuser

a "junkie"

I've known that boy since I was 13 years old. We partied, we had flings, we fought and made up...we did some crazy shit, lol

Daphne has loved Shane since we were kids. They finally got together about 10 years ago, and have been inseperable ever since. Until now.

He'd been clean for months. Doing really good. I mean for the last several years he'd been trying so hard to break his addictions. Mostly for alcohol and meth, speed, tweek, dope, shit...whatever you want to call that evil stuff...

It was his birthday last week and he was on the prowl for weed. But a "friend" suggested he get some meth instead. She said, sure, she knew where to get some! Yeah real helpful...

He held onto it all day. Begging Daphne to let him do it. They fought about it all day. Finally she said "fine, do it, just not in the house. Go outside and do it, I don't want it here" so he did.

He knew something was wrong as soon as he did it. He came inside, and told Daphne that he really wanted to get help this time and get off the shit for good. Then he collapsed. He had a brain anuerysm caused by the dope. So thanks Linda. Thanks a lot for turning Shane on to the dope, so that you could get some for free. I hope it was worth it.

They rushed him to the hospital. So scared. I can only imagine how Daphne felt...once at the hospital, as soon as the drs found out the circumstances, they preceded to treat my dear friend, like utter shit. They shoved the breathing tube down his throat at he was vomiting, making him aspirate it. The person that was supposed to be queezing the little bulb thing to help him breath til they could get him to the helicopter to life flight him to a bigger hospital kept dropping it, and taking his own sweet time picking it up. THey didn't cover him with a blanket when they took him to the helicopter. Shirtless in 30 degree weather, and not so much as a blanket. They were rough and mean. They told Daphe, rudely that he was not going to make it, and that he really wasn't worth saving. Lectured her on drug use, threatened her with CPS. Her boys are 17 and 15 by the way. And LOVE there step dad, just like a real dad.

The last coherent thing he said was when Daphne was rubbing his arm when they were getting him ready for transport was "I'd know that touch anywhere, thats my baby"

Now, he lays in a hospital bed, brain dead. They are taking him off the vent. May have already. They were waiting for some family to come, when I left. I was there all day, and I wanted to stay. But I couldn't. My kids needed me.

It was like a sad reunion there at the hospital. All our old friends. I bet the nurses and drs there were shocked that a "junkie" was so well loved.

Watching Daphne collapse in sheer physical pain from losing her best friend, her lover, her soul mate...was horrendous. I can't even imagine the pain she is going through. As much as it hurts for me to lose my friend. It's hurting her a thousand times over.

Mamas, hug your hubbies. You don't ever want to be in her shoes. Her gutteral sounds of absolute raw sorrow, will stay with me forever...for fucking EVER.

So, all you drs that wrote him off as a useless junkie. All you drs that devalued his life. Yeah, he was an addict. He was also a friend, a dad, a husband, a kind and gentle soul. He was precious and important. He wasn't trash god dammit! He had worth!

Shane, dude, I love you! I forgive you for stealing my car if you can forgive me for super glueing your balls to the toilet seat...

RIP

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
excougarmama
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:03 AM

I don't know what to say other than sorry for your loss.

allurasmamma
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:05 AM

 Awe, it is sad.I too was once there. 5 years clean in July. I know junkies have worth, i had worth. I will pray for his family. For his children, I Will continue to try and help people when they fall down because it can happen. They can quit.

Okiemamatoo3
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:06 AM

Ow Sweetheart....That is so wrong and so sad and im soooooo sorry for your loss....even if he was a junkie he sounded quite awesome to me!!!!... my mom had a brain anuresym(SP??) on valentines day of 09....i understand completely and would could not take her off the machine till my older brother got there that night....from 10 am (when my dad and baby bro found her till about 9 i sat and looked at my mother WISHING i could do something DIEING inside because she was a BIG part of my life...of my babies lives....im SOOOOO SORRY

Robbin74
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:08 AM

   I'm sorry too. That was horrible how they treated him at the hospital. They had no right to do that.

circle_of_life
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:11 AM

Thanks, mamas

Kim139
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:12 AM

so sorry for the loss of your dear friend, that was hard to read and I teared up reading it. I am so, so very sorry, it is hard to lose someone you love, the pain is unimaginable.... I will pray for Daphne, and for you and everyone who loved Shane.  BTW, my brothers name is Shane and he also has a drug problem, I pray for him everyday. 

wmjsease
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:14 AM

So sorry for the loss of your friend.  And the hospital staff, and whoever else involved that treated him and her badly, should be reported.  It doesn't matter what kind of person he was, they were supposed to do their job and treat him with some respect while doing so. 

circle_of_life
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:17 AM

Exactly. It was such total disrespect from a bunch of arrogant assholes. Some of the drs and nurses at the big hospital they're at now haven't been much better either.

Quoting wmjsease:

So sorry for the loss of your friend.  And the hospital staff, and whoever else involved that treated him and her badly, should be reported.  It doesn't matter what kind of person he was, they were supposed to do their job and treat him with some respect while doing so. 


jajumommy2000
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:22 AM

 I am so sorry. I hate when people treat others with a DISEASE badly. That is just wrong. If you are able I would call whoever is in charge at the hospital and raise holy hell. That is not right and NOT what doctors are supposed to do. They are supposed to help everyone and DO NO HARM!!!!

De_Chick
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:23 AM

I'm so sorry. Its terrible to lose someone you love under any circumstances. My friend was pretty much treated the same way when she was dying by the local hospital because she had a mental illlness along with the cancer. Sad but true.

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