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How do you keep going when the going gets tough?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:08 PM
  • 4 Replies

DH and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. We have a 2 yo DD and are expecting baby #2 in May. We are happily married and still in love... but lately, it's rough.

This pregnancy has been hard on me. I'm a SAHM, but I chase after a toddler all day. I also have a small heart problem that combined with being 7 months pregnant keeps me pretty exhausted. Add to that the hormones... and I'm just not keeping up with life anymore.

I suspect that DH has had a lapse in maturity lately. He's normally incredibly supportive and willing to pick up the slack... but it hasn't quite been the same for a little over a month now. I'm sure it has to do with seeing his wife struggle and a new baby on the way... but it's still a rough change.


I don't know how to turn things around so we aren't both getting frustrated over stupid small things. We'll both get set off by minor stuff, to the point where we both feel like we're walking on eggshells. I know marriage has ups and downs... but I want to know how to get back to the ups!

CafeMom Tickers
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:08 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Tinker_Jo
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:18 PM

When I feel like I hate my dh it's usually because I'm frustrated with my kids and I just need a break. I plan a date night with dh every so often to keep connected (and remind myself that I'm more than a mom, sometimes that's easy to forget!). Sometimes you just need to get away and sit and relax and laugh.

starrymonkey
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 8:30 PM

SO and I are currently working our way through a really rough patch.  We got an idea from a book, and decided to try something new, and it actually helped.  We were both so caught up in ourselves and what we wanted/needed from the other that we weren't really thinking of what the other person needed.

So we made a chart, and each morning we would list one thing we could do for each other that day that would make us feel loved (one day I wrote "make dinner" and he wrote "watch ... with me" (I can't remember what show it was).  At the end of the day we'd write on our chart how loved we felt that day (from 1-10), and what could have improved the score.

It helped us start thinking a bit more about us, and a bit less about ourselves individually.  It also made it somehow easier for us to want to do things for each other - because we were both trying.  I wasn't thinking about the fact that he actually enjoys when I watch certain shows with him (actually, I don't know why, I'm constantly making him pause it to ask questions) - so when he turned on the tv, I'd go read my book.  He wasn't thinking about how tired I was by the time I needed to prep dinner, so he was off doing whatever while I cooked.

It opened a door for us to start talking about why such little things were causing such big issues, and we've really come a long way in a short amount of time (In January we were seriously having the break up talk, now we're fantastic).  Sorry this was so long.

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tyheamma
by on Apr. 5, 2010 at 10:31 AM


Quoting starrymonkey:

It opened a door for us to start talking about why such little things were causing such big issues, and we've really come a long way in a short amount of time (In January we were seriously having the break up talk, now we're fantastic).  Sorry this was so long.

No need to feel sorry. This was great advice! I know that I have a husband who is willing to make our marriage work. I know that I'm a wife who is willing to make my marriage work. Now all I have to fix is the fact that DH feels like we have a great marriage with a few speed bumps, and I'm sitting on the road staring at the speed bump right in front of me.... this sounds like it could really help!

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rowansmum
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2010 at 10:34 AM

What a great idea!  Was the whole book good or just that part?

Quoting starrymonkey:

SO and I are currently working our way through a really rough patch.  We got an idea from a book, and decided to try something new, and it actually helped.  We were both so caught up in ourselves and what we wanted/needed from the other that we weren't really thinking of what the other person needed.

So we made a chart, and each morning we would list one thing we could do for each other that day that would make us feel loved (one day I wrote "make dinner" and he wrote "watch ... with me" (I can't remember what show it was).  At the end of the day we'd write on our chart how loved we felt that day (from 1-10), and what could have improved the score.

It helped us start thinking a bit more about us, and a bit less about ourselves individually.  It also made it somehow easier for us to want to do things for each other - because we were both trying.  I wasn't thinking about the fact that he actually enjoys when I watch certain shows with him (actually, I don't know why, I'm constantly making him pause it to ask questions) - so when he turned on the tv, I'd go read my book.  He wasn't thinking about how tired I was by the time I needed to prep dinner, so he was off doing whatever while I cooked.

It opened a door for us to start talking about why such little things were causing such big issues, and we've really come a long way in a short amount of time (In January we were seriously having the break up talk, now we're fantastic).  Sorry this was so long.


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