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Depression...what do YOU think? Please be honest.

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:30 AM
  • 17 Replies

Okay, first off, let me say that I have been dealing with depression for years. Pretty much my ENTIRE family on my mom's side are manic depressives, and while I have been clinically diagnosed as "depressed", it's never been diagnosed as "manic". The difference between the two, for those who don't know, is that with manic depression, you experience extreme highs along with extreme lows. There IS no happy medium. 
I dealt with this back in HS, saw a therapist & was put on anti-depressants for awhile...it did help, got me to where I needed to be. That was quickly derailed by my controlling mother. She wanted a session with my therapist because SHE didn't think it was helping me. Well, what she didn't realize is that SHE was alot of my problem. Alot of what I discussed with my therapist. SO naturally, when she decided to sit in, I refused to say anything, which pissed her off to high heavens... and she nixed the whole thing, just like I told the therapist she would. Then blamed it on not having the money to pay for it. (I know that was a sham because had that been an issue, my father would have paid.*My parents are divorced, mom is not so well off, dad is set for life...) and stopped my anti-depressants.
I just had my son six weeks ago. I was really afraid of PPD (post-partum depression) because of my history with depression. And here we are, it has reared it's ugly head. Granted, DH & I had alot of problems before this, but they were manageable. Now... I've come literally thisclose to getting a divorce about 5 times in six weeks. He gave me an ultimatum--either see a counselor or get a divorce. I am extremely angry & hurt because it doesn't seem like he even considered my feelings & how humiliating it would be to me to see a perfect stranger tell me what a horrible wife I am. (Because if DH goes, then that's exactly the road it's going to go down. He always points out EVERYTHING wrong with me, but can NEVER acknowledge when he's done or said something hurtful.) And I just don't know if I can emotionally take some total stranger pointing out every fault I have. I know I'm not perfect. I feel bad enough about myself without hearing it from the rest of the world. 
He has already involved his friends, and my mother, and doesn't understand that I would like to keep my personal business private.
So I guess I have two questions.... 1) What do you think about the situation with a counselor? and 2) What do you HONESTLY think about someone with depression?

Please don't hold back, I know some of the responses may be hurtful, but I also know I need to hear the truth. That being said, please don't go out of your way to bash me and be hateful.  

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mrs_patterson
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:39 AM

BUMP....anyone? Please? 

lilahsmommie
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:40 AM

 I would talk to your OB. See what they think. You should have a PPD screen at your 6 weeks appointment. Your body is still regulating its hormone levels from pregnancy. It could be PPD, but it could be hormonal issues as well. I would start with your OBGYN, and IF they feel you need other services they can refer you to someone who specializes in PPD.

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:43 AM

 You definately need to see a therapist again and do it alone. Why does your DH need to talk to your therapist?  Does he have PPD or depression.......he can see  his own, just not yours.

As for Depression....I have suffered from Bi-Polar Manic Depressant/Panic Attacks/Aghoraphobia/Migraines/etc since I was 18 years old but wasn't diagnosed until I was 39 years old.

mrs_patterson
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:45 AM

He wants to see a marriage counselor... not just a therapist. He does seem like he might be depressed as well, but has suggested that we see a counselor together. 

Quoting Sassy762:

 You definately need to see a therapist again and do it alone. Why does your DH need to talk to your therapist?  Does he have PPD or depression.......he can see  his own, just not yours.

As for Depression....I have suffered from Bi-Polar Manic Depressant/Panic Attacks/Aghoraphobia/Migraines/etc since I was 18 years old but wasn't diagnosed until I was 39 years old.


mommasbabies77
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:46 AM
First, depression sucks. I have clinical depression and I know exactly what you are talking about. Second, if a counselor ever told you that you were a bad wife, pointed out all your flaws, or sided completely with your dh..they are not doing their job correctly. Counseling doesn't work like that. The counselor is there to help you figure out your issues on your own; not to be judgmental. Third, nothing about marital problems can ever be entirely one person's fault despite what your dh is implying or what you think. So, the first thing you need to do is stop taking all the blame and accept only your responsibility in it. He has to accept his.

Counseling is a good option. I think its a great idea but realize that this thing is going to take a lot of work on Both you and your dh's part. GL


Daytripn
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:47 AM

 I think a good counseler would be able to see through your husbands accusations. Since he likes to point out your problems to everyone else in your life, (I had one of these) it's a way to bring you down. Go to counseling. my bet is he won't last, since his own issues will be brought to light.

mrs_patterson
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:49 AM

This is what I'm afraid of. :( What he does when someone points out HIS flaws. 

Quoting Daytripn:

 I think a good counseler would be able to see through your husbands accusations. Since he likes to point out your problems to everyone else in your life, (I had one of these) it's a way to bring you down. Go to counseling. my bet is he won't last, since his own issues will be brought to light.


Daytripn
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:52 AM

 Oh, since your asking for blunt honesty, your DH sounds like a total asshole. This is a form of emotional abuse, you need support right now, not someone beating your self esteem down during a stressful time. Go to counseling, give yourself some time to get  some breathing room. Then see if you really want to live with such a complete jerk-off.

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:53 AM

 

Quoting mrs_patterson:

He wants to see a marriage counselor... not just a therapist. He does seem like he might be depressed as well, but has suggested that we see a counselor together. 

Quoting Sassy762:

 You definately need to see a therapist again and do it alone. Why does your DH need to talk to your therapist?  Does he have PPD or depression.......he can see  his own, just not yours.

As for Depression....I have suffered from Bi-Polar Manic Depressant/Panic Attacks/Aghoraphobia/Migraines/etc since I was 18 years old but wasn't diagnosed until I was 39 years old.

 

 A marriage councelor would be great for you both to see but you still need to be evaluted for ppd and or depression. Since you already have a history of having depression.......please make sure you see someone for this if nothing else. Good Luck

                                          


SASSY762

mommaboudreaux
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 2:53 AM

I am going to bump this for tomorrow because I want to reply but I am super tired and headed to bed.


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