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I Need some help...Am I the only mom who wants things this way?

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:54 AM
  • 24 Replies

Ok, just a little background before I introduce my problem.

My mom is a very sensitive, sometimes overly emotional, can blow up over little things, worry wart type person.

Im 24ish weeks pregnant Im starting to figure out "my birthing plan" and what I want to happen when I have baby number 2.

Ok, so I went to dinner at my parent house everything was great til the subject of the baby came up and whats going to happen when its time to have her, and where and who is DD #1 going and staying with. Soooooo, as much as I dreaded telling her what I wanted, I went ahead and said "Well, I dont really want anyone there."  Im having a scheduled C-section. DD #1 was emergency C-section so my doctor advised me to have a scheduled one with the second child. Since #1 was emergency I was under general anesthetic and dont remember much and from what I actually do remember and the stories I heard the last hospital stay was total chaos and people were there that i didnt want there and everything kind of sucked. It didnt go the way I wanted. This time I want VERY few people to come see me and in all honesty if DD wasnt staying with my mom I wouldnt even want them there. I personally view child birth (or at least this babies birth) as a intimate experience that really only involves you, your SO, the new addition, and any other children you may have. I want this experience to be just myself, DH, and our baby. I dont want aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma, and whoever else decides they need to come in there. Its just too much for me to handle right after having a baby. I understand that this time will most likely be different from last time. I will probably be a little more alert to whats going on around me, and to who is there and may hopefully be out of bed sooner and released sooner.  I just want this time to be just me and my DH. I of course will have my parents come because they will have my other daughter and I want her to come to meet her sister. But as for the rest of my family I think they should be able to wait til I come home to come see me and the new baby. Am I the only one that doesn't want a darn circus in her room? Have any of you ladies not wanted a bunch of visitors in your room when/after you had your child(ren)? How do I stick to my wants without hurting people?

My mother sounded offended that thats what I wanted and she didnt even really listen to me the first time I said it. I had to emphasize that I want NOBODY to come there. She even said she would be offended if noone came to visit her when she was in the hospitial. Its like since I dont want what she would want I shouldnt want it. I just dont understand why there has to be any questions on what I want and how I want my birthing expirence to go. what do i do?

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by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
nemiller
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:59 AM

with the next child i have, no one besides my husband (and maybe my son) will be invited into the room while i'm laboring and visitors won't be allowed until everything is cleaned up and i'm presentable.  i won't mind visitors after i'm cleaned up and in my bed, but i wouldn't want a ton of people there nonstop the whole time i'm in the hospital.  while i don't exactly want the same visitor policy as you, i don't think it's wrong for you to feel the way you do.  instead of trying to convince your mom to agree with you, just make a point of telling the hospital staff what you want.  maybe your family won't listen to you, but they'll have to listen when they're turned away at the hospital.

smurfbitebug
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:00 AM

 i am very adamant about this as well. there will be no one, and i mean no one, in that hospital room with me besides my husband and the doc and nurses. i have been very blunt, and at some points rude, about this with my family- immediate and extended. i have also made it very clear to my husband that it is his job to kick them the hell out if they try to come in. i don't care what they think of me because of this, this is my child, and my experience. not theirs. so- how to do it without offending anyone? i don't know lol i pretty much offended everyone. but i know that it will get done the way that i need it to get done.

ETA: yes, i am just as much of an opinionated bitch in real life as i am on here. probably one of the few. (the few, the proud, the bitchy LOL)

BeckieLea
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:06 AM

 I am pregnant with my first and have a short list of like 4 or 5 people other than me and hubby that will be allowed to see me in the hospital. I dont need to have a crowded room at the hospital when if everything goes well i will be there no more than 72 hours so people can wait til i get home and come see the baby then

NIKopotamous
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:14 AM

I only want my DH and my doula there for the labor and delivery, but after I'm cleared for visitors I want EVERYONE to come see my precious angel.  :P  I would be offended if no one came to visit AFTER she was born, but there will be absolutely NO ONE present (except for DH and my doula) for the messy part.  I may even ask the nursing staff to hold off on visitors until I can have a shower...I wish I would have done that the first time.  LOL.

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:22 AM

I had my mom, grandma, bf and my closest real life friend there.  My friend was able to oversee everything to make sure there werent mistakes being made as well as stepping in to rub my back and stuff.  Afterwards those were the only people i wanted to visit as well.  Bf's oldest daughter did stop in with her friends which was very awkward trying to figure out nursing.

Jaden8505
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:22 AM

yes i understand the resrictions when your in labor. I dont really have to worry to much on that part cause mine will be a c-section and only DH can be i the O.R. with me. but after shes here is the part i want restrictions on. YES! I absolutely want to show my new baby off but I just feel my extended family can wait to see after im release from the hospital.

Quoting NIKopotamous:

I only want my DH and my doula there for the labor and delivery, but after I'm cleared for visitors I want EVERYONE to come see my precious angel.  :P  I would be offended if no one came to visit AFTER she was born, but there will be absolutely NO ONE present (except for DH and my doula) for the messy part.  I may even ask the nursing staff to hold off on visitors until I can have a shower...I wish I would have done that the first time.  LOL.


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montessori_mama
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:31 AM

You have every right to what you want and your mom simply needs to get over it and respect your wishes.  Not only did I make it clear that I didn't want anyone here for the birth, but I also made sure visiting family didn't book plane tickets too close to the birth because I wanted a full week of uninterrupted bonding time for us.

No_Worries
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:33 AM

 well i think if thats the way u want it then people should respect ur decision, i understand ur reason as to why, and to me it makes sense, i hope they will abide by what ya say, but keep in mind they are just excited to see and meet the newest fam member and they mean no harm, but i agree with u, besides like u said they can visit u at home when u feel up to it

Jaden8505
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:36 AM

Right as of now, my mother will be taking DD #1 the duration im in the hospital. So In the hospital I want it to only be DH, the new baby, and I. I dont want my mom to come with my DD til I call her and tell her to. other then that and maybe my sister i dont want anyone else there.

Jaden8505
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:39 AM


Quoting montessori_mama:

You have every right to what you want and your mom simply needs to get over it and respect your wishes.  Not only did I make it clear that I didn't want anyone here for the birth, but I also made sure visiting family didn't book plane tickets too close to the birth because I wanted a full week of uninterrupted bonding time for us.

Yes thats exactly what i want. I was just feeling like maybe i was being unreasonable with my wants but clearly Im not the only one that feels like this.

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