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I dont know how much more my heart can take!?

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:00 AM
  • 6 Replies

I just wanted to vent here because i am just so sick of my heart hurting....i feel torn between my son ( i feel like i should be spending more time with him then i do since I work and go to school full time). He doesnt do it to often but it rips my heart up when i go and leave for work and he cries from the moment i pick him up from school because he knows i work that day. Then my moms bf tells me he cries for me at bedtime when my mom is putting him to bed. I just cant stand it. Then its the whole relationship thing. I have been in and out of different relationships so many times, they werent right for me, they turned out to be friends with benefits, they turned out to be a one night stand, lost interest in them, or i just wasnt right for them. I must say though i have only been in 2 relationships where i actually and truly loved them. The first one i  got rid of, finally got over (well for the most part) except for once a year where I think about him and get help but wonder. Then there was the second where it was mutual because he couldnt spend the time with me that i wanted (but then i go and check and decided to check out his facebook page and I see a picture of him and the person he is now with) and i seriousally just started crying because i truly did love him and miss him. Then I got pissed because she looks so ugly and i dont understand how he could pass me up for her. (i know im not the best looking but i was much prettier then her). But then again he did say at the end that he was bored with me. The there is this person I have been hanging out with now. We were in and out of a relationship a lot of times and this time we are just friends but the sad part is i actually love him. I truthfully dont think we are ever going to be something so i think i need to let him go and start searching again. We hang out a lot, we have had sex, but he just no affectinate in any way and that really hurts me because he use to be the very first time we were together. I mean no hugs, or gentle kisses, yes he kisses me but it seems like its not the true love kiss if you know what i mean. I guess i was just use to cuddling with everyone else, hugging, kissing, and talking. I just dont get that vibe from him i dont think. I mean i was sitting there comforting him today because he was really upset because some girl called him and told him she might be pregnant with his kid. (long story, she has told him this many times) and he never kissed my forehead or anything when he had the oppurtunitys too. I just dont know what to think anymore. I mean he has told me he loved me before the first times we were together and he has said it this time too only everytime i ask him later about that he always says he just means as friends.

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:00 AM
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Replies (1-6):
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:08 AM

group hug

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:13 AM

Ahh girl, I'm sorry... Being a single mom is really, really rough at times. Just keep your head up, and remember to be with your kiddo as much as you can, because as of right now, your momma & dadda.. Don't settle for less than you deserve, because you want to end up HAPPY with a good daddy for your kiddo.. Not just whoever was availible.. Hugs.. Keep your head up hun.hugging

by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:10 AM

 you went from hating to leave your DS to talking about guys? your DS doesnt need a guy- he needs his mom. dont introduce him to every guy that you meet! my current bf- i met him in Aug, and my son met him in Jan.. it was once a week for an hour or two until their relationship flew in June. in the beginning iwth me nad my BF- i went to see him after DS was sleeping. i never missed any time with him.

back to your son: when you are gone, call him throughout the day: say goodnight to him, good morning, etc. also, pack a picture of you and him together when he's with someone else, so when he misses you, he can pull it out and see it. i started that with DS when he was 18 months.

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:15 AM
is there any way you can kind of switch to some online classes to spend more time with your son?
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:19 AM

 i think you should concentrate more on your son than finding guys

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:21 AM

:BIG HUGS: to you. I know how you feel about your son and you working full time and school. I can't even give any advice for that because I feel the exact same way. It understandable that you want/ feel that you need a man to love you. We all want someone to love and cherish and who feels the same about us. One day someone is going to sweep you off your feet an make you forget all about those other guys. I hope that everything gets better for you but stay focused on school, once you are through you will probably make twice as much in half of the time that you are working now. Then you'll have much more time to spend with your son. Its hard now but just have faith that it will get better.

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