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Moving in together

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:26 PM
  • 10 Replies

Background.  I've been a single mother since my son was born.  I barely dated anyone since my son was born.  He's 8 years old and does not have a relationship with his biological father.  He did about 3 years ago, but for his safety his biological father is not in his life and legally can not make contact with him.  I receive no child support and never have.     He's never really had a true father figure, except for my dad.

I am in serious relationship and we are making plans to move forward in our relationship.  He and I were very good friends at first, although we were attracted to each other, we strickly were friends first.   He does don't have children, and when he decided he was ready to move forward with a true relationship, he knew he would also be creating a relationship with my son.

We have dicussed plans about moving in together.  He truly is a great man.   He renewed his lease at his apartment which will end in about 4 months, we have decided he will move in with my son and I, if things are continuing to go well. 

I own my own home and have lived there for 5 years.  I also make more money than he does, we both have very good jobs.   I'm not comfortable with him paying money towards my mortgage,  I personally don't think that's a good idea for legal reasons.   I feel we both should benefit finacially from  him moving in with us and he would be paying more if we split the bills 50/50 than if he lived on his own.  

I'm just not sure the best way bills should be split.  I was thinking of having him cover the 2 largest bills- the electric, water and trash bill is covered by one company.  Water/Sewer and other fees are pretty expensive.  So the bill is fairly high, if he covered that bill and the gas bill, that would be saving me a good amount of money each month, then also having him cover the gas bill. 

Plus having him pay 1/3 of my home owners insurance, I would include him as a resident, so his property  would then be correctly covered.

Right now he pays 1/3 of the grocery bill since he stays at my house 6 nights a week.  We would still continue that if he moves in.

I'm sure I'm being overly anal about the splitting of things but working in the legal field I've seen things like this getting out of hand if the relationship doesn't work. 

Just to clarify my son adores him and he adores my son.  He's been amazing at developing a bond with him. 

Anyone been in this situation?  Any advice.  What about home repairs, should they be my reasonablity or should we split them?




by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kays_Mama06
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:30 PM

If he's going to live in the house with you, he should assume responsibilities for things gone wrong in the house, as you would. Everything else seems good... And its GREAT that you are being overly anal about this. Until it's a marriage, this is the approach most couples should take I think.

ktwister
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:35 PM

Thank you!

Quoting Kays_Mama06:

If he's going to live in the house with you, he should assume responsibilities for things gone wrong in the house, as you would. Everything else seems good... And its GREAT that you are being overly anal about this. Until it's a marriage, this is the approach most couples should take I think.


fallen018
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:37 PM

sounds good...nothing wrong with being anal about it saves you the headaches later...just touch base with him on it and make sure its good with him too and your all set for no  problems in this aspect of the relationship...good luck.

elle7777
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:38 PM

I would probably wait to have him move in until after you guys get married (assuming you believe in marriage) or are committed. Then you won't have to worry about splitting bills because instead of my money of his money it will be our money. All the splitting bills seems kind of roommate situation to me and just seems like a huge pain and relationship strain.

possummom
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:38 PM

i wish more couples gave it more thought like you are. 

Quoting ktwister:

Thank you!

Quoting Kays_Mama06:

If he's going to live in the house with you, he should assume responsibilities for things gone wrong in the house, as you would. Everything else seems good... And its GREAT that you are being overly anal about this. Until it's a marriage, this is the approach most couples should take I think.

 


                 

smilingmomma
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:42 PM

if he stays at your house  six  nights a week he is already living there imo...

MommyAnnaBanana
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:45 PM

I personally would not have him move in until after marriage. 

Although depending on the state you reside in, community property  laws are different.  I suggest you contact a lawyer to make sure your assets are covered in the event of a break up.

ktwister
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:53 PM

I wouldn't get married unless we lived together.

I would never hold him as a husband unless we were legally married, we would keep  financial affairs separate, which would be a contributing factor if we were living as husband/wife, even though we weren't married.

My property/assets are covered, that is why I would not have have contribute to my mortgage because he could sue for any equity he contributed to.


Quoting MommyAnnaBanana:

I personally would not have him move in until after marriage. 

Although depending on the state you reside in, community property  laws are different.  I suggest you contact a lawyer to make sure your assets are covered in the event of a break up.


Kylie819
by Emerald Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:59 PM

Sounds like you have put a lot of thought into it and you obviously are more attuned to your financial situation than we are! 

DF and I have lived together for 2 years with my (not his) 8-yr-old daughter.  She has never seen her real father.  She and DF have really developed their relationship and she thinks of him as her dad.  We are getting married in August of this year and he will then be legally adopting her.  Just thought I would share my success story because our situations have a lot of similarities! :)  Best of luck!

ktwister
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 5:01 PM

Thank you for sharing.

Best of luck to you, congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Quoting Kylie819:

Sounds like you have put a lot of thought into it and you obviously are more attuned to your financial situation than we are! 

DF and I have lived together for 2 years with my (not his) 8-yr-old daughter.  She has never seen her real father.  She and DF have really developed their relationship and she thinks of him as her dad.  We are getting married in August of this year and he will then be legally adopting her.  Just thought I would share my success story because our situations have a lot of similarities! :)  Best of luck!


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