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I need advice! PIOG

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:29 PM
  • 5 Replies

  I love my SO I really do. Things got better for us for awhile but I started my period a couple weeks ago and now its back to nothing. He's playing his video games for 3 or 4 hours when he gets off work at 11 pm so its usualy 2 or 3 in the morning do I wait up that long?? I try to but when I do stay up that late for him we usualy don't do anything just go to sleep and I end up being tired all day with DS which makes me cranky then I'm mad because SO said we were gonna have sex and we didn't and I spent an hour shaving my twat and my legs for NOTHING. Anyways its not just about sex here...I'm so depressed about alot of things in my life and I look forward to SO coming home from work but when he gets here he just wants to play games. It really hurts my feelings. I told him this and he said "jesus christ woman nothing I do makes you happy you are impossible to please I can't make enough money for us and now I can't even spend a couple hours relaxing" I didn't want him to feel that way..I'm not mad that he plays games. I just don't see why he can't play a couple matches and then spend the rest of the evening with me. Why does it have to be 3 or 4 hours? How can I talk to him? How can I make him understand what I'm saying?? Or should I just get over it somehow? I'm at a loss!

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:29 PM
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Replies (1-5):
xXxLillithxXx
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:32 PM

BUMP!

sati769leigh
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:34 PM

ahh honey. you two are having the classic miscomunication issue MANY couples have. honey its NOTHING against you that when he has been at work he needs time to decompress when he gets home. men have different needs and different ways of satisfying them. it is nothing against YOU as his partner that he needs some time like this.

we women make a HUGE mistake in our relationships with focusing on all the WRONG things our mates do. women have a need to TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING. that is how WE process. but to men the message you are sending is not a 'lets process this" but " you do nothing right and nothing i can do will make you happy" it actually is very painful to thier self esteem

how about sitting down with him and focusing on all the GOOD things he does, everything he does right! what he means to you. and then ease in to how you MISS him and look forward to time with him because he is such an awesome part of your life. see if maybe the two of you can work out an agreement . maybe he could put on a timer and agree to have an hour of game time then come spend some time with you?  try some compromise, but a lot more focus on what he does RIGHT.

nemiller
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:36 PM

my husband and i had this issue when we were first married.  he'd start playing his video games from the time he got home until he went to bed.  on the weekends, he would only really leave the house if we were going to hang out with his friends.  i finally had to put my foot down.  i told him that i didn't expect him to stop playing his video games, but that 6 hours EVERYDAY was ridiculous and unacceptable.  we negotiated and i talked him down to 2 hours a day, plus doing something special together twice a month (so, a date night every pay period).  as soon as we started cutting out the distractions and focusing on each other, he slowly went from 2 hours a day to maybe an hour on the weekends.  he still plays video games, but he's never gone back to spending all his free time playing.  we have figured out a balance between family, time for our marriage, and time for ourselves.

xXxLillithxXx
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:38 PM

 You are so right...I'm such a bitch its hard for me to be nice or focus on anything positive especialy when I'm frustrated. I'm gonna try this. He's gonna think I'm up to something lol. Thanks, you are always so nice.

Quoting sati769leigh:

ahh honey. you two are having the classic miscomunication issue MANY couples have. honey its NOTHING against you that when he has been at work he needs time to decompress when he gets home. men have different needs and different ways of satisfying them. it is nothing against YOU as his partner that he needs some time like this.

we women make a HUGE mistake in our relationships with focusing on all the WRONG things our mates do. women have a need to TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING. that is how WE process. but to men the message you are sending is not a 'lets process this" but " you do nothing right and nothing i can do will make you happy" it actually is very painful to thier self esteem

how about sitting down with him and focusing on all the GOOD things he does, everything he does right! what he means to you. and then ease in to how you MISS him and look forward to time with him because he is such an awesome part of your life. see if maybe the two of you can work out an agreement . maybe he could put on a timer and agree to have an hour of game time then come spend some time with you?  try some compromise, but a lot more focus on what he does RIGHT.

 

xXxLillithxXx
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 10:42 PM

 See when we first got together he wasn't much of a gamer except he'd go have a "madden tournament" with his friends like once a month. But we got xboxlive and now he spends alot of his time at home playing with his friends from WORK. I'm like jesus don't you ever get sick of those dudes? Anyways my ex was a huge gamer and ignored me most of our relationship and got mad at me if I wanted to spend time with him and so this is a huge flashback for me and not a good one. I don't mind that he plays games but I wish he'd just play an hour or two and spend time with me. I need to figure out a way to NOT feel ignored when I'm basicly being ignored. Tough one.

Quoting nemiller:

my husband and i had this issue when we were first married.  he'd start playing his video games from the time he got home until he went to bed.  on the weekends, he would only really leave the house if we were going to hang out with his friends.  i finally had to put my foot down.  i told him that i didn't expect him to stop playing his video games, but that 6 hours EVERYDAY was ridiculous and unacceptable.  we negotiated and i talked him down to 2 hours a day, plus doing something special together twice a month (so, a date night every pay period).  as soon as we started cutting out the distractions and focusing on each other, he slowly went from 2 hours a day to maybe an hour on the weekends.  he still plays video games, but he's never gone back to spending all his free time playing.  we have figured out a balance between family, time for our marriage, and time for ourselves.

 

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