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Mothers day and Angel babies...

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:26 PM
  • 20 Replies

My best-friend recently lost her baby (March 01). He was born with the cord around his neck, and didn't make it.  What I need to know is if I should get her something, not necessarily for mothers day but to acknowledge the fact that she is a mother even though her arms are empty.  I want to get her a birthstone ring with his name engraved on it. I do NOT want to give it to her on mothers day, because I definately think this would be too much for her to handle, just as a remembrance of him.  Should I get/make a card of some kind to go along with it? I'd liek teh opinion of women who have lost a child.  she was full term and this would have been her first baby.

by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ForeverMeme
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:28 PM

 My heart hurts for your friend. I think it would be such a kind thing for you to do!

ozade8
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:29 PM

I think that is a sweet gesture. I had a miscarriage which I know in no way compares to losing a child at full term, but as a mother, I would have loved (at the time) for someone to have just held my hand and (not so much a gift) but just to have been there to support me and help me through that time. I think the ring is a good idea, but I (obviously) don't know your friend so I don't know how she would take it.

ZoeCY
by Platinum Member on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:34 PM

I have not lost a baby but I am interested to know as well.  My husband's cousin had a baby last year on May 8th, Mother's Day was May 10th, and the baby passed away on the 11th, so I imagine that is going to be a very painful few days for her again this year.  I am thinking that because we are not extremely close that we will just send a note saying that we are thinking of Moira (baby) and her and her husband, I think it will be more for her birthday though, I'm not sure. 

Allie_kat1
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:36 PM

I lost a daughter at almost 20 weeks. My best advice would be don't forget to tell her happy mothers day. I think one of the worst things after losing my daughter was that most people didn't acknowledge the fact that I was a mom because I didnt have a baby in my arms. Maybe give her a call to tell her happy mothers day, and then go for lunch or something sometime in the week or 2 after to give her the ring.

lizzie_ann
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:36 PM

This will be my second mother's day without my DD, and I'm just ignoring the day. Everyone is different, though, and I honestly cannot say what to do about your friend.

mama2mycuties
by on Apr. 21, 2010 at 11:54 PM

I love it when my friends and family acknowledge my deceased dd on mothers day. My mom always gets me a card or something. But it is a very very painful day for me because usually we do something as a family together and i'm reminded that there will always be one child missing from this day. Last year we went out for ice cream at dairy queen and i started bawling because my other dd was all messy and giving me kisses and all i could think of was that i wouldn't ever get "sticky kisses" from Kaydence.

My best advice would be to just send or say something along the lines of "i'm thinking of you on this day" don't get too in depth with it but just to let her know you care.

cjsix
by faith on Apr. 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM

 

Quoting ozade8:

I think that is a sweet gesture. I had a miscarriage which I know in no way compares to losing a child at full term, but as a mother, I would have loved (at the time) for someone to have just held my hand and (not so much a gift) but just to have been there to support me and help me through that time. I think the ring is a good idea, but I (obviously) don't know your friend so I don't know how she would take it.

 I too have sweet angels in heaven...I would love to have someone ( other than my younger children) acknowledge that they lived...even if only inside me. You are so sweet for caring.God bless you!

sallymoon
by on Apr. 22, 2010 at 12:41 AM

My first child passed away at 3 days old.  That first Mother's Day was difficult.  Most of my friends and family seemed to ignore the fact that I was still a mother.  One of my friends did send me a Mother's Day card, and it meant so, so much to me.  Your gift idea sounds absolutely wonderful and very thoughtful.  I would have loved something like that.

Child Passenger Safety Technician

mrs.sgt
by on Apr. 22, 2010 at 12:43 AM

my best friend so far has been the only one to remember on Mother's Day even though I've never had a baby of my own in my arms.  Mine died in utero (I was half way thru my pregnancy).  I very much appreciated it.  I'll be pregnant this Mother's Day, but I strongly feel those like me who lost our babies should be remembered.

krklstephi
by on Apr. 22, 2010 at 1:53 AM

I lost my first born when he was 3 days old. It was a rough because once the funeral was over, no one acknowledged he existed. And now it has been almost 12 years and still no one says a word. I would love it if someone was to acknowledge he lived. He was still her baby no matter what anyone says. I think the ring or even a necklace would be a very nice gesture.

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