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How do I keep from being a judgemental b*tch?

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:28 PM
  • 14 Replies

Ehhhhh....one of my very close friends has gone back to her baby's father for the fifth time in 3 years. Every time he has left her for the same girl, who also has a child with him. And every time he comes crawling back to my friend and saying it'll be different. But when they aren't together he is not around for my friend's child, and he has never paid a lick of child support. He always seems to come back when it's time for the court date regarding the unpaid child support.

For those of you who tell me it's not my business: I am the one who has to listen to her crying and sobbing every time he leaves her. It takes forever to undo the damage, and to convince her she's not a bad person and it's not her fault he leaves her. SO it is my business, she's one of my best friends. Also, he has given her an STD in the past yet she continually has unprotected sex with him anyway. SO I'm worried about her health.

She says she has to keep giving him chances because her son needs a father and that I don't understand because MY son has a father all the time. Her child is almost 4 and sees his father maybe 3 months out of every year, before he disappears again.

I have let it be known how I feel about her taking him back again. I just can't give up on her and our friendship because of her crappy choice, but at the same time I don't want to keep picking up the peices.

Help! Advice! Opinions! Bash me, I don't care! Just talk me through this.


by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bits08
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:37 PM

She's going to have to make the choice to stop putting up with the bullsh*t herself.  All you can do really is be there for her.

tnbjbeams444
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:39 PM

Its her life, her decisions. Im sure you might do something someone else doesnt agree with.

Abeauchamp
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:39 PM

 

I second this

Quoting Bits08:

She's going to have to make the choice to stop putting up with the bullsh*t herself.  All you can do really is be there for her.


strongerthanB4
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:40 PM

 Keep your insulting thoughts to yourself, but just be there for her and listen. This is what I have to do with a friend of mine.

periwinkle163
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:40 PM

I would be there for her but tell her you are done discussing him. If she wants to take him back that's her business but she knows what she's getting herself into.

Lanie_momofone
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:41 PM

 She isnt doing her son any good, by going back to him every time he decides to use her, her son will get very confused ...and he will be the ONLY one hurt in the long run.

I'd be telling him that he cant have me ....but he can have his son, and he needs to stop and be a parent and pay his damn child support, if he isnt going to do that then he needs to back the F off, and leave us both alone.

In the long run she will find it better......

 

Tawanda74
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:45 PM

Bits08 is right, only she can make the choice that she is better then the way he treats her. Really all you can do is be there.  You are right about what you think of him but there isn't anything you can do if she doesn't want to let him go for good.

Angela_1974
by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:47 PM

 Look, you may not want to hear this but you need to back off from her for a while. The emotional stress this is or will put on you will cause problems with your family. I have been through this before. Nothing you say or do will change her. She knows you will pick up the pieces, that may be 1 of the reasons she keeps going back.

Your friend needs to grow up and put her priorities in order. She may want a daddy for her child but her child is the 1 getting hurt in all this, show her that. Make her sit and see how he hurts when his dad leaves again. It sounds harsh but she need to reailze what this man is doing to her and her childs life. Her priorities is her child not his dad.

Sit and have a long talk to her and tell her that since you are picking up her pieces that it is taking away from your family and that every time he leaves it is taking away from her child because of how depressed she gets. The shild deserves better than that.

Like I said, i have been there. DH and I argued a lot and the stress was outragous. The more I started backing off, the better it got at my house and the more my friend started to realize what was happening. Your friend may not realize, that is just what happened in my case. Hopefully your friend will see his true colors pretty soon.

abstractmommy
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2010 at 7:58 PM

Yes, my husband is soooo tired of her drama. He says I need to stay away from her if "she's going to keep being stupid".

Quoting Angela_1974:

 Look, you may not want to hear this but you need to back off from her for a while. The emotional stress this is or will put on you will cause problems with your family. I have been through this before. Nothing you say or do will change her. She knows you will pick up the pieces, that may be 1 of the reasons she keeps going back.

Your friend needs to grow up and put her priorities in order. She may want a daddy for her child but her child is the 1 getting hurt in all this, show her that. Make her sit and see how he hurts when his dad leaves again. It sounds harsh but she need to reailze what this man is doing to her and her childs life. Her priorities is her child not his dad.

Sit and have a long talk to her and tell her that since you are picking up her pieces that it is taking away from your family and that every time he leaves it is taking away from her child because of how depressed she gets. The shild deserves better than that.

Like I said, i have been there. DH and I argued a lot and the stress was outragous. The more I started backing off, the better it got at my house and the more my friend started to realize what was happening. Your friend may not realize, that is just what happened in my case. Hopefully your friend will see his true colors pretty soon.


abstractmommy
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2010 at 8:21 PM

BUMP!

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