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I feel like a horrible mom who cant get my son under control

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:41 PM
  • 12 Replies

My son was a pretty good kid, lately I don't know what happened. I honestly feel like I am dealing with a 16 year old and it worries me. My son was pretty decent last week, but on Thursday night he started to act up because he wanted juice. He had had juice when he ate dinner, he brushed his teeth and then I went to put him in his room to sleep, he came back out, I put him back in his room and he came back out again, then he was running around, I had to chase him, he grabbed his shoes and threw them at me, he started cursing which I am not really sure where he got that from, I curse occasionally, but its not all day or anything like that, and I am not sure if he got it more from kids at school, tv, I mean I don't know it could be me but the way that he says it in a sentence is not what I would say, then he went in his room and started hitting himself with a ball. All because he wanted juice! I gave him a sip, and was like go to bed and he finally went to bed but what a nightmare that was. So then Friday night his Dad took him for the weekend, I picked him up an hour ago, and he is asleep now, but right when he got in the car he was already on a roll to act up. I asked trying to make simple talk with him like how it was at his Dads but it was like impossible, so I turned the radio up because I did not want to start my week like this with him. He rolled his window down, and I rolled it back up from the Drivers side but he was holding the button down, and I was like let it go, and he was like, "No, I want it down".  So I had to stop the car to move his hand so I could put the window back up. Then he started cursing again saying the B word. Then he said he was going to pee on himself, and when we got home I said OK go change into your pajamas, and when I was standing there to help him get dressed, I felt his pants to see if they were wet and they weren't and then I see pee dripping down his leg. So I spanked him :(  I did not want too, but it was not an accident, it was on purpose. So after I put him in the shower. Then he brushed his teeth, and then I put him to bed. I said do you know why I spanked you, and he said, "Because I peed on myself." I don't know where things have gone wrong, I try to do everything for him, I have always thought of myself as a good loving mother and I feel like he is pressing every button he could possible press. I don't know why. I don't understand. He does see a counselor once a week, because the school counselor last time I was there asked if I thought it would help, and that was before it was even as bad as it was now, I think each week he seems to get worse. Telling me no, not listening, not caring. I am so frustrated. I was never like this at his age. When I was a teen thats when I started getting into trouble, but not at 7. I feel like I will have an early heart attack at this rate, it stresses me out, I am on the verge of crying because I don't want to spank him ever. But holy cow, its not just like one thing with him, its a whole bunch of things and I don't know where he got the notion that it was OK to act like this. This is just a vent but if anyone has advice or anything just let me know. Thanks. :(

by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MikeysMom51108
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:44 PM

What kind of environment is he in when he goes to his dad's house? Maybe that could have something to do with it?

I don't know...we're still working on terrible 2's!! Wish I could help more. Good luck, and try to keep your patience.


kk_bella
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:45 PM

Have you and the father always lived apart?

sweetheart5703
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:52 PM

He is a good Dad but he does not always think. He lets our son play "M" rated games, he let him watch "Scarface" the movie. Him and his girlfriend I know had a lot of arguments in the past like a year ago but to my knowledge they don't fight or argue, but I am not there so I don't know. Usually when I ask him how it was at his Dad's he always says everything was fine, that he ate, and played video games. I have already talked to his Dad a bunch of times about the things he allows our son to see. He says he does not let him do it anymore but idk. His Dad has two degrees, but absolutely no common sense. I talked to the counselor and asked her if the stuff he was watching would cause behavior issues, but she did not think that was the cause..Idk I am not a psychologist or anything. 

Quoting MikeysMom51108:

What kind of environment is he in when he goes to his dad's house? Maybe that could have something to do with it?

I don't know...we're still working on terrible 2's!! Wish I could help more. Good luck, and try to keep your patience.


sweetheart5703
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:54 PM

Yes we have been living a part since a year after my son was born. We were still together up until two years ago. We have two kids together. Only having issues with my oldest though. My daughter is 3.

Quoting kk_bella:

Have you and the father always lived apart?


MikeysMom51108
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:55 PM

I just wondered cause you said he was fine until Thursday--maybe the behavior could have been sparked by the anticipation or anxiety of going to his dad's house. Maybe there's something there that is upsetting him--or it could just be that he is able to get away with things there that you don't allow. I remember when we were younger, we visited our mom on the weekend, and when we came home, we were "bad" for a couple days until we "remembered" where we were and what was/wasn't allowed. Does that make sense?

Also--who does he play with when he's there? Is it a different group of kid than at your house? Maybe he's learning some of this behavior from friends.

Quoting sweetheart5703:

He is a good Dad but he does not always think. He lets our son play "M" rated games, he let him watch "Scarface" the movie. Him and his girlfriend I know had a lot of arguments in the past like a year ago but to my knowledge they don't fight or argue, but I am not there so I don't know. Usually when I ask him how it was at his Dad's he always says everything was fine, that he ate, and played video games. I have already talked to his Dad a bunch of times about the things he allows our son to see. He says he does not let him do it anymore but idk. His Dad has two degrees, but absolutely no common sense. I talked to the counselor and asked her if the stuff he was watching would cause behavior issues, but she did not think that was the cause..Idk I am not a psychologist or anything. 

Quoting MikeysMom51108:

What kind of environment is he in when he goes to his dad's house? Maybe that could have something to do with it?

I don't know...we're still working on terrible 2's!! Wish I could help more. Good luck, and try to keep your patience.




sweetheart5703
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:17 PM

Well my daughter is always there with him, which is his BIO sister, but his dad cheated on me when we were together and had a little boy, and then last year (we have not been together two years now) he had another baby which I had no idea about until my son told me. So he has 3 siblings in total but he is the oldest. 

Quoting MikeysMom51108:

I just wondered cause you said he was fine until Thursday--maybe the behavior could have been sparked by the anticipation or anxiety of going to his dad's house. Maybe there's something there that is upsetting him--or it could just be that he is able to get away with things there that you don't allow. I remember when we were younger, we visited our mom on the weekend, and when we came home, we were "bad" for a couple days until we "remembered" where we were and what was/wasn't allowed. Does that make sense?

Also--who does he play with when he's there? Is it a different group of kid than at your house? Maybe he's learning some of this behavior from friends.

Quoting sweetheart5703:

He is a good Dad but he does not always think. He lets our son play "M" rated games, he let him watch "Scarface" the movie. Him and his girlfriend I know had a lot of arguments in the past like a year ago but to my knowledge they don't fight or argue, but I am not there so I don't know. Usually when I ask him how it was at his Dad's he always says everything was fine, that he ate, and played video games. I have already talked to his Dad a bunch of times about the things he allows our son to see. He says he does not let him do it anymore but idk. His Dad has two degrees, but absolutely no common sense. I talked to the counselor and asked her if the stuff he was watching would cause behavior issues, but she did not think that was the cause..Idk I am not a psychologist or anything. 

Quoting MikeysMom51108:

What kind of environment is he in when he goes to his dad's house? Maybe that could have something to do with it?

I don't know...we're still working on terrible 2's!! Wish I could help more. Good luck, and try to keep your patience.




Willowjade
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:22 PM

"I don't know where things have gone wrong, I try to do everything for him,"

After reading your entire post....all I had to do was copy and paste this one sentence.......you asked and answered your own question all in one.

 

katie2007709
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:24 PM

My only suggestion is if spanking him worked keep using that as the discipline but also use positive reinforcement.... IMO language like that at 7 is crazy... but kids will be kids... I am not at anyway bashing but maybe discipline needs to be stepped up for the bad language, saying no, not listening and all of it and being consistent.

katie2007709
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:26 PM

So I spanked him :(  I did not want too,

Dont feel bad about this sounds like he deserved it....  how do you normally discipline him for things like this??

sweetheart5703
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:35 PM

Well I meant that I try to give him the best up bringing I can, and he has everything he needs is what I mean by it, not meant to sound like I was spoiling him and doing for him. Just that I am doing everything I can for him, not that I am doing things for him. Sorry I know I made that sentence confusing, but I think you are taking it differently then what I meant when I wrote it. 

Quoting Willowjade:

"I don't know where things have gone wrong, I try to do everything for him,"

After reading your entire post....all I had to do was copy and paste this one sentence.......you asked and answered your own question all in one.



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