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I have a new newphew...!! bump..looking for advice please

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:52 PM
  • 13 Replies

which is great, but I have a vent about his mom....

My bil (who I will add is a great guy, I have known him for fifteen years, so I don't question that, before this turns in to bashing him)..found out around April 9th that his ex was expecting..

they were together for a year, were talking about marriage, then things got complictaed with her, her daughter, her ex and my bil, things went downhill and they seperated around the begining of Dec..

while they were together, they thought she might be pregnant, she went to the doctors, took several hpts, he never saw them but was told by her that they were all neg...

back to the begining of April, I was talking to one of my friends and she asks me if my bil is excited to be a daddy..and I am in shock, cause I know that he knows nothing about it..I asked her where she heard this from and she tells me from his exs mom..

so that night, I tell my hubby and he goes and talks to his brother..who hasn't heard anything from her, couple of days go by and he is trying to decide what to do..a week, maybe a week and a half go by and he gets an e-mail (yep, an e-mail) from his ex telling him he is going to be a dad and that he will be getting papers in the mail from human services for child support and basically asking him to stay out of the child's life..

so he is all stressed, cause he wants to be there to help raise his child, wants to be involved, doesn't know what his rights are, what he should do or who he should talk to...has been talking to us (dh and I) quite a bit about it..

he was at my house Friday night, playing with my kids, and after we put them to bed we were all talking about this again, he found out that the first time she went to the doctor was on the 15th of April, so that she could go file for WIC..that she was told her due date was the 23rd and she was supposed to be induced on the morning of the 29th..and never went in..so he is worried about his baby cause he knows for a fact that she was drinking almost daily and taking anxiety meds daily before they separated even though he tried to get her to quit both because they thought she was pregnant..she wouldn't quit either because she "needed them to cope" and wouldn't talk to her therapist about changing Rx (you are not supposed to take this one while pregnant, and no, I don't know what it was called)..

well he just found out tonight (and called us) that she had the baby on the 30th, its a boy, Jack Carter, 10 lbs 3 ozs, and as far as he knows, the baby is healthy..she doesn't want him to see him...he and my hubby went out tonight, my husband is going to try and convince him to go to a lawyer, or go into human services, but we aren't sure what to really do here, not sure if she named him on the bc, we know she didn't give him his last name, she doesn't want him around at all, only to pay for the baby..

I feel so bad for him, I know he is a great guy, I know that he is great with kids, and I know he really wants to be a daddy to this baby..

any advice would be really appreciated..and if you don't have any, well thanks for listening to me rant any way..

Lilypie - (iyiE)Lilypie - (u2xv)Lilypie - (Ipre)Lilypie - (oFhC)Lilypie - (iByx)

by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mama23waitnon1
by on May. 3, 2010 at 11:34 AM

BUMP!

Chick
by on May. 3, 2010 at 11:40 AM

I would wonder why she doesn't want him in his life, he must have done something you would naturally assume...I know you obviously trust him but something must have happened. I can see this post being the other way around and a mom posting saying I had his baby but don't want him in his life bc of reasons a,b,c and all the other moms being supportive and saying yeah, don't let him in his life, ect. BUT she can't have it both ways, IMO, if she wants child support she needs to let him be part of his life. He needs to talk to her to figure out why she doesn't if he honestly doesn't know. They will probably have to go to court over it. I would also want a paternity test if I were him. If he could be a good father, the child would really be missing out and it's wrong of her to do that to the baby, so I would def. be taking it to court to get something official done as far as visitation.

Javi05Eli07
by on May. 3, 2010 at 11:48 AM

If he wants to be in the child's life then he needs to talk to a lawyer ASAP.  I do know that the state will make him take a DNA test before they will make him pay any money.  As for being on the birth certificate he can always petition to have his name put on it through the court.  If he is the father, then he has every legal right to see his child unless deemed unfit by the court and that is something she doesn't have control over.

10Rah26
by on May. 3, 2010 at 11:53 AM

 

Quoting Javi05Eli07:

If he wants to be in the child's life then he needs to talk to a lawyer ASAP.  I do know that the state will make him take a DNA test before they will make him pay any money.  As for being on the birth certificate he can always petition to have his name put on it through the court.  If he is the father, then he has every legal right to see his child unless deemed unfit by the court and that is something she doesn't have control over.

 yeah, and if anything, she sounds like the unfit one. 

Javi05Eli07
by on May. 3, 2010 at 11:55 AM

 

Quoting 10Rah26:

 

Quoting Javi05Eli07:

If he wants to be in the child's life then he needs to talk to a lawyer ASAP.  I do know that the state will make him take a DNA test before they will make him pay any money.  As for being on the birth certificate he can always petition to have his name put on it through the court.  If he is the father, then he has every legal right to see his child unless deemed unfit by the court and that is something she doesn't have control over.

 yeah, and if anything, she sounds like the unfit one. 

 I was thinking the same thing.

mitty18
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2010 at 11:57 AM

 To get child support she will would either have had to put him on the BC or will have to have the child support office do a DNA test.
That will mean they will have to go to court, and he will get his rights to his child including his visitation with the child as long as he agrees to pay for the child, and complies with the courts good luck to hiim and congrats on the new baby in his life.

mama23waitnon1
by on May. 3, 2010 at 12:00 PM


Quoting Chick:

I would wonder why she doesn't want him in his life, he must have done something you would naturally assume...I know you obviously trust him but something must have happened. I can see this post being the other way around and a mom posting saying I had his baby but don't want him in his life bc of reasons a,b,c and all the other moms being supportive and saying yeah, don't let him in his life, ect. BUT she can't have it both ways, IMO, if she wants child support she needs to let him be part of his life. He needs to talk to her to figure out why she doesn't if he honestly doesn't know. They will probably have to go to court over it. I would also want a paternity test if I were him. If he could be a good father, the child would really be missing out and it's wrong of her to do that to the baby, so I would def. be taking it to court to get something official done as far as visitation.

Honestly, he hasn't done anything "wrong" to her or her daughter. She is a very controlling and manipulative person..there were a few issues that came along. One of them being that when they met, he was buying a house from his parents, contract for deed (they had some medical issues, and it was win/win for the people that were involved at the time) and they are all three (him and his parents) living in the house.

She. and her daughter were living with her parents

Long story short, he couldn't afford to buy her the $350,000 acreage that she wanted...so that was one issue...

another, that I know of, is he told her she needed to start being responsible for her daughter, she would leave her with mom and dad, or him most nights so that she could go out with her friends..

then there was the wedding that they were planning, and she wanted to completely cut his family out of..and he wouldn't allow it..

just various things...she had a very immature and spoiled attitude about her..and he finally got fed up..

not saying that he doesn't have flaws, we all do..but as far as drugs/alcohol/abusive, heck, the only debt he has is for the house..if he can't pay cash for it otherwise, he won't get it.. anything like that..no, nothing like that exists and I do KNOW that about him

mama23waitnon1
by on May. 3, 2010 at 12:05 PM

BUMP!

jridgill
by on May. 3, 2010 at 12:07 PM

 He needs to cut all contact with her and go to court. He also needs a DNA test.

Solo_Fan
by on May. 3, 2010 at 12:29 PM

 He has every right to be in that baby's life. She cannot say different.  She just cant collect child support and tell him to stay away.  He needs to get a lawyer and fight for his son!  She cannot with hold his son from him. 

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