Stop misspelling your childrens names! If you are going for unique then get a unique name! good article!
I saw a birth announcement the other day and groaned. In recent years, Iâd learned to accept the flood of trendy tots named Madison, but this was my first Madicyn. If you care about spelling, my advice is to pour yourself a stiff drink before untying that pink or blue ribbon and reading news of the blessed event.
In a similar vein, leafing through the newspaper these days is like crawling through a minefield of makeshift names. An article will catch my eye â say, something about a tornado that just missed ripping through a preschool beauty pageant â and I dread whatâs coming next. Theyâre going to interview the pint-size witnesses, and Iâm about to meet little Brittney, Brittny, Brittneigh, Britânee, Brittani and Bryttney. If you absolutely have to name your child after a rugged French peninsula, then get out a dictionary and look it up. Itâs Brittany.
I have a major gripe with the trend of misspelling baby names. On purpose. The parentsâ logic runs something like this: âMy child is special and unique. Thus, my child deserves a special, uniquely spelled name.â The upshot is that Chloe becomes Kloey, and Jacqueline metastasizes into something ghastly, like Jaqâleen.
It would be easy to blame this on celebrities, since there appears to be an unspoken contest among them to saddle children with awful names. Gwyneth Paltrow set the bar high when she named her daughter Apple, but not high enough. Reign Beau, daughter of Ving Rhames, and Vanilla Iceâs Dusti Rain and Keelee Breeze are way up there. For boys, could any name be worse than Bronx Mowgli, son of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz? Perhaps Jermajesty Jackson?
Not that this is just a Hollywood problem. All across America, parents are mangling names in a misguided mission to trumpet their kidâs individuality. Take the wildly popular name Chase, which is actually not a name at all, but something a dog does to its tail. It was annoying to begin with, but now it gets worse as it slowly mutates from Chase to Chace, and on to Chayce.
If there were any truth to the idea that a particular name can guarantee a particular character trait for the child â or vice versa â most people would be named Vaguely Dissatisfied. Or Kinda Bitter. In my case, my parents couldâve just named me Unemployed and saved everybody a lot of trouble.
Misspelling a childâs name wonât make Junior special, creative or unique. Yâs and Iâs are not interchangeable, and apostrophes are not some sort of newfangled confetti to be sprinkled liberally throughout groups of letters. Parents shouldnât impose cryptic, incoherent or foolish spellings on their own children, nor on society as a whole. And they shouldnât condemn their children to a lifetime of bleakly repeating that, no, the name in question is spelled âShaiyahne,â not âCheyenne.â (And while Iâm at it, donât name your child Cheyenne, either.)
The liberty to name oneâs child is not always absolute, certainly not outside the United States. In France, for example, the district attorney has a short window of time after a child is born to block names contrary to the interest of the child, including those that are pejorative or rude or would cause ridicule. Iâm not suggesting we commission a similar corps of name police in the United States. But I am saying that a little humility and some common sense would go a long way.
Paul Schmidtberger, author of the novel âDesign Flaws of the Human Conditionâ (Doubleday/Broadway, 2007), was born and raised in Schooleyâs Mountain, N.J., and now divides his time between Paris and New City, N.Y.
Just to clarify- I DID NOT WRITE THIS! I DONT CARE WHAT YOU NAME YOUR KIDS BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUR KIDS! PLEASE DONT TELL ME TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS. i AM JUST POSTING AN ARTICLE I FOUND FUNNY