Should i tell him ?? (edit: message to his mother)
Ok, i have been with my SO for 6 1/2 yrs, now our daughters birthday is the 16th, and his nephews birthday is today. The kids are exactly 5 days apart....they are even in the same class.
Well we are throwing a sleep over party for dd on the 15th (saturday), and she got invited to another friends party the same day...(matthews party), well i was talking to the mom today and she told me that matthew got an invite to my nephews bday party on saturday as well.
Here is why im not too sure i should tell him.
1) I had our nephew call him today from the school on his recess...so he could say happy bday to him
2) SO was with his parents today , and they didnt say a damn word to him about it, even when he asked if they were going to go see our nephew today.
3) His friends and his family often leave information from him (nights planned out, family events etc), and for some reason i always end up finding out before he does, and i tell him...and i always see that pained look on his face....i HATE it!
4) Our daughter isnt allowed at his sisters, for alot of reasons i do not want to get into right now. So its not like she would be able to go over with him, so he would have to miss out on either some of her bday party or her soccer bbq that day to go and see his nephew, and i dont want to have him being torn on what to do.
5.) Is it my right to tell him that the father that he thinks doesnt hide stuff from him, hide the fact that they are having a party for his nephew???
6) He may end up finding out, because we have to organize the 15th between her softball bbq/ uniform pickup, to matthews bday party and then her bday party....so he would have to take her to matts bday party (since im the coach , and i have to stay at the bbq).
I just dont want to hurt him anymore!, he has asked me to not tell him about things i find out, and to just save him the heart ache.....and i definitly don't want to hurt him, but i feel bad about the whole thing.
I hate it!, he is so loyal to his friends and his family and everytime i turn around they treat him like he is NOTHING!!
I sent this message to his mother on FB
He got me to get (nephews name) at recess, and call him so he could say happy birthday to him.
I'm not going to be the one to tell him, that no one has said anything to him about (nephew) birthday, because quite frankly i dont want to hurt your son, because i know for a fact that it is going to hurt him if he finds out (nephew ) had a birthday party and you, your dh or his dad didnt tell him about it, i found out about it because i was talking to one of the mothers of the children that were invited.
I thought i would just message you and ask and not make assumptions.
If he has asked you not to tell him stuff like this I wouldn't especially if it is going to hurt him...
i wouldn't say anything. it will just hurt him. let him find out on his own if it comes to that.
I wouldn't tell him. He said not to. If he asks y u didn't say anything, tell him he needs to group up and choose. Either his child or his family. He feds their miss treatment, by allowing it. It is called codependency. If he wants to be treated like an adult, he has to act like one. Otherwise they will always treat him ......and worse yet your daughter like she is insignificant. If that's what you want her to learn about family, I guess that is up to you. But I put my foot down to my family years ago when they treated me like crap (like this) I told them. Don't except me to change my plans last minute and come running to your events, if you can't make plans with me a head of time. Than don't be rubbing your crap in my face about this event and that event. And i stayed away for a bout a year, and they straightened up.
Yea but here's the thing, if i tell him...and his own parents didnt bother to tell him, its going to hurt him that his father whom he thinks so highly of...kept it from him. That is going to hurt him more then if he finds out i knew about it, and i dont think he will find out i knew about it....unless i tell him. UGH , i just dont want to hurt him.
Quoting highbridgemom:
Will he not be upset with you if you don't tell him and he finds out after the fact that you knew?
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- Lanie_momofone
on May. 11, 2010 at 9:26 PM