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How do you feel about kicking a young adult (age 20) out of the house?

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:23 PM
  • 101 Replies

 Tough love is a much easier concept and theory than actually putting in to action.  I have a 20 year old stepson that has basically been a problem child for as long as I've known him.  My husband and I have been married for 6 years and were engaged for 2 years.  We've been dealing with all different types of behavioral issues for the past 8 years.  It seems there isn't anything that we haven't tried.  Counseling--we did it.  Family intervention--we did it.  At risk youth programs--we did it.  Trading households between Mom and Dad--we did it.  I can honestly say we have given our all.  Still he insists to run wild--he is the epitome of what you would call a "bad seed."  Yes his parents are divorced and admittedly it was a bitter angry one.  Outside of that my stepson has always been exposed on both sides of his family to hard working middle class people with strong family values.  Granted every family has it's dysfunction but honestly, ours is nothing extreme in nature unless you consider him and what he has and continues to put our families through.  We have finally reached the end of our rope and want him to leave.  We have given him a deadline that is fast approaching by which he is to be out and still he claims not to have anywhere to go and acts very entitled to being allowed to stay.  He has boldly said we can't just kick him out if he doesn't have anywhere to do.  He sleeps all day, distributes and uses illegals drugs, brings all walks of life around our home, has several warrants for his arrest, constantly asking for money, rides and takes, takes, takes.  We have to lock everything up and are constantly worrying over what he might steal, who we might discover in our home and even worry when he's out that he might be killed.  My in laws are totally against our decision to put him out and have expressed some very harsh opinions.  His family on his mother's side have equally said some very unkind things about my husband but still we are firm in our decision that he has to go.  Mind you none of them wants him in their home and they have all seen him in action.  What would you do if you had a "horse that would not drink and would not be broken?"

 

by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
massteria
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:31 PM

And you gave him a deadline why?  Honestly, the drug use alone would have been enough for his shit to be on the sidewalk for him.  No warning, nothing.  Unless he is being respectful, paying rent, etc... at 20 yrs old his ass needs to be out.  Drop your deadline and kick him out ASAP.  Sink or swim, he has to do it on his own for your own sanity!

iluv2meow
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:33 PM

eh  Im the mother that would have kicked hiom out a long time ago, but thats me.

Aydans_Mommy
by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2010 at 3:33 PM


Quoting massteria:

And you gave him a deadline why?  Honestly, the drug use alone would have been enough for his shit to be on the sidewalk for him.  No warning, nothing.  Unless he is being respectful, paying rent, etc... at 20 yrs old his ass needs to be out.  Drop your deadline and kick him out ASAP.  Sink or swim, he has to do it on his own for your own sanity

What does age have to do with it?  I can understand her not wanting him in the house because of drugs but why does age matter?

LiesLiesLies
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:34 PM

If my kid is not in school past the age of 18 or is not working FULL TIME and saving for a house and paying their own cell phone..insurance...and contributing to the household as far as cleaning...cooking...etc. (and yes...I will insist on monitoring how much they are saving...and I will put a time limit on it) then they are not living with me...its that simple.

ikesmommy
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2010 at 3:34 PM

I suppose that is a hard thing to deal with and it appears that you have tried everything in your power though.

My state only requires a thirty day notice to vacate. I would just just give him that and stick to it. If he always has you all to fall back on, he wont ever learn. Pull the rug from up under him.

LiesLiesLies
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:35 PM


Quoting Aydans_Mommy:


Quoting massteria:

And you gave him a deadline why?  Honestly, the drug use alone would have been enough for his shit to be on the sidewalk for him.  No warning, nothing.  Unless he is being respectful, paying rent, etc... at 20 yrs old his ass needs to be out.  Drop your deadline and kick him out ASAP.  Sink or swim, he has to do it on his own for your own sanity

What does age have to do with it?  I can understand her not wanting him in the house because of drugs but why does age matter?

Because...as an adult you should be responsible for yourself...and not mooching off mommy and daddy.

MommyAnnaBanana
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:35 PM

Tell your in laws to feel free to open their home to him.  20 years old with no job and no desire to get one?  And a thief to boot?  You should have kicked him out at 18.

Adult children have no business living with their parents if they are not going to college or actively looking for work\/ working.

Fairegirl33
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:35 PM

I think that you and ur SO are being VERY understanding with the issues this "child" has brought to your home for many many years.

He needs to grow up and act like the 20 year old that he is.  Unfortunately, I would be compelled to do the same thing you have.

amber_1024
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:36 PM

 I'm sure this isn't something you really want to do, but if he has warrants out for his arrest, have you ever thought about turning him in?
Maybe he needs to hit bottom before he realizes he needs to straighten up.

sati769leigh
by on May. 24, 2010 at 3:36 PM

seems like it is long overdue to me.

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