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Sort of a vent, sort of looking for advice (long and somewhat rambly)***Edited***

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:35 PM
  • 21 Replies

So my boyfriend and I have been together almost 9 months.  I have a 2 year old son from a previous relationship. Things were going really well for us until I recently got a job.  I had been trying to find one since before we met but now that I have one things with our relationship have started to spiral out of control.

For example I spend half my time living at my parents and half my time at his house.  This has not been a problem until recently.  It seems like whenever I'm there he says I have an attitude and that if I don't knock it off he's going to send me home.  He also has started treating me like I'm stupid and know nothing which is not the case at all.  I'm also getting fed up with his ultimatums and his trying to control me.  Saturday night my parents kept my son for the night so that we could go to a fundraiser for our relay for life team.  Sunday when I went to go home after the staying the night he told me I had to clean up HIS living room and his mess before I could leave.  Needless to say I didn't clean it up because I had to get home so my mother could go do what she needed to do.  So then he later tells me that when I come back I had better clean it up or he's just going to send me home.  This really pissed me off.  Then come the problems with the car.  My parents bought me a car when I was 15 and gave it to me the summer between my junior and senior year of high school.  I still drive it.  It's in rough shape and just had the motor replaced but I love it and it was my first car.  When I am at his house he drives my car to work.  Alot of the time he doesn't ask he just takes it assuming I won't care (I actually have a problem with it) and when I tell him I don't want him to take the car because I need it for something he gets all pissy.  I put the gas in the car.  I don't budget for his gas usage.  I don't make enough to provide gas for him AND me to go back and forth to work.  Would it be bitchy to ask him to replace the gas he uses?  He also trashes my car.  He has so much crap in there but REFUSES to clean it up because it's MY car.  Well I'm sorry but he drives it too and I shouldn't have to constantly clean up after him.  My car does not = his dumping ground. He currently has a TON of dvd's, all his disc golf stuff and a bunch of junk in my car.  Yesterday he asked if I could bring his swim trunks and lifeguard shirt to him because he left them in my car.  I refused and told him I didn't have enough gas to do that and go to work on Thursday.  Last night my mom said if I gave them to her she would drop them off to him on her way to work (she drives right past his house).  I went to my car to get them and they weren't there.  I called him and told them they weren't in the car and he must have them in the house somewhere.  He had the AUDACITY to accuse me of doing something with them.  Talk about childish.  I don't have the time or inclination to purposely sabotage someone.  It's also simply not in my nature. 

To add to this whole distaster he has also become rather controlling.  I hate it when people demand I do something.  I have never responded well to that.  Now if you ask I am WAY more willing to do something.  He rarely asks anymore. He also told me that he wanted me to stop taking my anti anxiety med because I don't need it.  He doesn't know whether I need it or not.  That is between me and my doctor and we both know I need it.  The last time I checked he did not have MD after his name.  I suffer from chronic anxiety even when performing everyday tasks.  Before I was medicated I would spiral into a panic if I had to drive in traffic.

I'm starting to feel used.  When I'm there I cook for him.  I make HOMEMADE food every night that I am  there for dinner.  He uses my car without asking.

I feel more like a slave than a girlfriend.  I can't even tell you when the last time he kissed me was.  He rarely kisses me even when we have sex (sorry if TMI). 

Ugh... I love him but I really don't know what to do anymore.

 

***Thank you ladies.  I am going over there tonight and tomorrow when we are both out of work I'm going to sit him down and tell him how it is.  I would like to give him a chance to straighten things out with himself since it has only been this way for the last month.  I will update again tomorrow.***

 

 


***So I am currently at my BF's house.  So far things are ok.  I'm hoping that things will straighten out but we will see.  We haven't had the talk yet but we will be having it tomorrow.  Wish me luck ladies.*** 

by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AjsMom0508
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:44 PM

bump

key2ynot
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:52 PM

sweetie, it sounds like you are answering your own question.  There was literally nothing in this post that said anything positive about him or how he treats you.  Yes, you love him....but you clearly don't love how he is acting, so why put up with it?  

You need to discuss with him what your boundaries are - ie it's not ok for him to take your car whenever he wants or expect you to do his bidding at the drop of his hat.  Also explain that you don't take orders well and suggest different ways for him to ask you to do something in a way you will be more receptive to.  If you have already talked to him about all this, then why continue to tolerate it?  What is he bringing to the table, KWIM?  If he is unwilling to meet you halfway on all these issues, then I would leave him and find someone who is willing to treat you the way you deserve!

AjsMom0508
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:55 PM

Thank you.  He hasn't always acted like this.  He was completely different when we first met.  It has really only been the last month since I got my job that things have started to get rought.  I've asked him why he has started to act differently but he says that I'm the one that is acting differently.  I told him I was sorry that my self confidence increased when I got a job but that it didn't give him the right to act like a jerk.

Quoting key2ynot:

sweetie, it sounds like you are answering your own question.  There was literally nothing in this post that said anything positive about him or how he treats you.  Yes, you love him....but you clearly don't love how he is acting, so why put up with it?  

You need to discuss with him what your boundaries are - ie it's not ok for him to take your car whenever he wants or expect you to do his bidding at the drop of his hat.  Also explain that you don't take orders well and suggest different ways for him to ask you to do something in a way you will be more receptive to.  If you have already talked to him about all this, then why continue to tolerate it?  What is he bringing to the table, KWIM?  If he is unwilling to meet you halfway on all these issues, then I would leave him and find someone who is willing to treat you the way you deserve!


sllytnkrbl
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2010 at 12:55 PM

 I am sorry you are going through this I really am.   Honestly though I don't quite understand why you are even asking what you should do.   I don't understand why you are still with him.   He has no rights where you are concerned, you aren't married aren't really living together I would just kick him to the curb but if that's not what you want to do then you need to just stop doing things for him, explain to him that you have your own life and are not his babysitter.   I would clean out your car and dump all the stuff in the living room and then when he demands you clean it up tell him it's not your house.   When he tells you to leave I would do so with a smile on my face.   I would also hide the car keys when he asks you for them tell him you need money for gas first.   I don't know I just don't think he would be a loss if you ended up splitting with him, he doesn't sound like such a great guy, I'm sure there are qualities you like but you don't have to take this I don't think any man is worth it.

Jsjnowell
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:57 PM

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!

Nicole5321
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:58 PM

You deserve way better than this.  Think of your son.  You don't want him to grow up seeing this type of behavior and think it is okay to treat women this way.

carlinaiden
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:58 PM

what a jerk! theres is far too many other fish in the sea to be wasting time on this ass. move on, I would

Mommy2One881
by on May. 26, 2010 at 1:00 PM

I did not need to finish reading but run away from him ASAP!!

meanassprincess
by on May. 26, 2010 at 1:03 PM

 It sounds like he will never grow up, if i were you I would move on for my childs sake, because they do what they see AND IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS GUY IS NO EXAMPLE FOR YOUR CHILD! remeber your not alone without him and probably better off! You are no ones servant but your own! lose this guy before he drags you down!

scperdomo
by on May. 26, 2010 at 1:05 PM

I think you already know exactly what you need to do. For the safety of you and your child, you need to kick this guy to the curb. No one deserves to be treated like that, and chances are, the behavior will only get worse with time. The more you let him get away with, the more he will try to get away with.

There is a reason its called "women's intuition". Listen to it and run for the hills hon, this guy is bad news.

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