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I don't feel "done"...

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 7:58 PM
  • 9 Replies

My husband and I decided that we do not want anymore kids.  I had an IUD (mirena) put in in January.  I have been realizing for the past few days, though that I don't feel like I am done having kids.  I don't feel like my family is complete.  He is adamant about having NO MORE KIDS.  Have any of you ever been through this?  Its really getting to me.  I don't really know how to explain it, but I am just sad. 

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 7:58 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Kharma25
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:00 PM

I'm going through that now.  We both decided that this is the last one, and after she is born, I'm getting my tubes tied.  It's for the best, and our family is large enough.

But every time the baby kicks, I get sad, thinking that this is the last time I'll ever experience this.  I also wonder if maybe another ten years down the road, we might want just ONE more???  But I know it's just my hormones working overtime, and for us, the decision to complete our family right here is the best one, so I'm working on getting used to the idea.

sometimesitis
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:02 PM


Quoting Kharma25:

I'm going through that now.  We both decided that this is the last one, and after she is born, I'm getting my tubes tied.  It's for the best, and our family is large enough.

But every time the baby kicks, I get sad, thinking that this is the last time I'll ever experience this.  I also wonder if maybe another ten years down the road, we might want just ONE more???  But I know it's just my hormones working overtime, and for us, the decision to complete our family right here is the best one, so I'm working on getting used to the idea.

We have known we were done since my dd was born 5 1/2 years ago.  I think for me, it is really sinking in now because my youngest is going to Kindergarten.  =(

Vinsmomma
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:02 PM

I feel the same.. I am pregnant with my 3rd.. We have 2 boys and are expecting a girl so hubby is done done but I dont know I just dont feel like this should be our last baby.. Maybe I am crazy maybe its the hormones but I always said if this wasent a girl I want to try again.. and now that it is.. I just dont know how I feel

lvnmylif
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:04 PM

I would ask him to wait a few years then revisit it.  If he is adamant at that time I'm sorry but you have a few things to think about.  You never know he may completely change his mind at that time or you might.  I wouldn't badger him about it but I would let him know that I'm having doubts and I would like to revisit this issue in a few years. 

moodywife
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:04 PM

I know the feeling,kinda. I am 23 with 3 kids and I want another baby so bad,not now but when Im a little older,but I HAD to get fixed cuz the walls in my stomache are too thin to carry another one,I am sorry that you feel that way but I think maybes its cuz you think you cant have anymore? does that make any sense?

key2ynot
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:06 PM

I felt that way after my 2 boys.  DH was happy with 2, but I felt that we weren't 'whole' yet as a family.  After much discussion, we finally had our third - a little girl - a few months ago.  I feel that our family is complete now, but at the same time, I'm having these pangs of ' another baby wouldn't be so bad'  Which is crazy right now!  I agree with a PP though - it's kinda heart wrenching to think that this is the last little baby I'll be nursing and once she gets bigger there will be no more baby stuff.  I'm chalking it up to my still raging hormones for now, but we will see what the future holds :-)  

LandisLady
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:12 PM

I thought I was done when I got divorced.  I had three beautiful children, so I got an IUD.  Then I reconnected with the love of my life from 12 years prior and, although the doctors have yet to figure it out, I was able to get pregnant anyway (19 years after my love and I had lost our first baby together).  Then, of course, for anyone who has seen my story, my beautiful boy was born April 19th but on May 4th stopped breathing and on May 8th we removed him from life support and he died in my arms.  Caleb was my miracle in many ways but now the question becomes "do I try again?"  Part of me is desperate still to have a child with the man I love.  But there's so much that has me confused about what to do.  I don't know if I want to brave trying again.  I'm also getting older and not sure how much time I have left.  And, I worry if having another child would just reawaken my grief or make things harder and more painful for the rest of the family as well. I don't know if I should keep trying or just tie my tubes and move on.  How do people decide when that time is?  I mean, I know there's the financial issues to look at  (and with my kids, probably therapy bills, lol); there's schooling, friends, sports, just keeping up with feeding the locusts.  There's also the dangers I suppose... I'm not 29 even though I always say I am... and with all of my pregnancies I was on bedrest and had preterm complications... and then with sweet Caleb passing away (we don't know why and are awaiting autopsy results) do I dare try again? 

jltplk25
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:17 PM

Oh I understand. DH says he is d-o-n-e and while at times I think I am, I just can't help but think that I want one more. I have told him that I dont want to quit if I dont feel 'done'. A few weeks ago I broke down and told him that in 3 years or so I would like to look at where we're at financially and if I can handle two then decide if we are indeed done.  A woman knows when she's done. I think Parents magazine actually did an article on it not too long ago.

sometimesitis
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:22 PM

I don't badger him at all about it.  I don't mention it at all to him.  I just know what he is going to say, so I don't want to hear him say it again.  We got pregnant in December (accident) and miscarried, and I lost it.  That's why I had an IUD put in in January.  I think all of this is coming from that.  When I was cleaning out my bathroom cabinet two or three days ago, I found my pregnancy test from then.  I was fine when I found it, but when I tried to throw it away, I lost it.  And I can't stop crying about it.  PP that lost your 3 week old baby, I am so sorry.  That had to be devestating.  I could not imagine being in your shoes, and walking your walk every day. 

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