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Was I in the wrong or not? UPDATE to clarify!

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:42 PM
  • 62 Replies



Question: Was I wrong to let DD get a spoon for her corn?


Yes, you should have gone with DH on this one no matter what

No, it's a big deal


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Total Votes: 117

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Ok so just to clairfy a few things that were touched on with responses:

1. We aren't fighting about it. He was a little upset that I let her have a spoon.

2. The conversation went like this"

DD: Daddy can I have a spoon for my corn

DH: No just eat with the fork

(Now keep in mind that she can get up and get the spoon, but we have a rule that she doesn't leave the table unless she asks permission because she used to be in the habit of just getting up and leaving when she wanted to)

DD: Mom, Daddy said I can't have a spoon even though it's easier to  eat the corn with one.

Me to DH: Why can't she have a spoon?

DH to me: Because she can eat with her fork just fine.

Me to DH: If I get her a spoon will that be alright?

DH: Yeah whatever

I then explained again to DD that she is not to come to me whenever daddy says no just so she can get her way.

3. DH is a lot more strict about almost everything than I am. He says not to her about some of the smallest things that really shouldn't matter which is why there have been times when I have gone over his head and let her get what she wanted. Another example of this was when she wanted to do her homework in pencil and he said no..use the pen. She's not supposed to and really how hard was it to let her go get the pencil herself?

4. In most cases I do back my DH up and if I don't agree with something then I talk to him about it so we can both be on the same page no matter what the final decision is.

5. I talked to him about this after I put this post up and he said he gets where I am coming from and will think the next time he says no to her over something like this. I promised him that the next time I will take him aside and talk to him before I say anything to her.

We are trying to teach my 6 y/o DD that she shouldn't try to play one parent off the other. Tonight she had corn for dinner and she wanted a spoon to eat it with instead of a fork and DH told her just to eat it with a fork. She came over to me and said "daddy won't let me get a spoon to eat the corn with". If it had been something like DH telling her that she had to sit at the table when she wanted to sit at the couch that would have been one thing, but it was a freaking spoon! She would have gone and gotten the spoon and I honestly don't see what the big deal was about it. Now, though, DH is upset that I went against what he said because he see's it as me letting her doing stuff that he says she can't do. So was I wrong to tell her it was ok to get a spoon or not? I did tell her that she needs to stop coming to me to get her way just because daddy says no and she knows that with most things I won't tell her it's ok to do something DH says it's not ok for her to do. So honest opinons here...was I wrong?

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:45 PM

It's a freaking spoon. No you were not. I hate eating corn with a fork.  

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:46 PM
No way. I'd have gotten her a spoon too. Its a damn spoon for christs sake!

Don't sweat it mama ur fine =]
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by Silver Member on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:47 PM

No, I don`t think your wrong at all. It`s a freakin spoon. I think your dh was just being petty about it. Like you said if it was something big then yes of course side with him. Really he just need to cut her some slack. That particular situation sounds like he just wanted control.

If you can`t dazzle them with brilliance...

then baffle them with bullshit

by Ruby Member on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:48 PM

I can kind of see both sides here.  In the future, maybe ask him his reasoning before you go against him.  Was he saying no to be a butt, or did he have a good reason?  The way she sais to you "daddy won't let me" and then you gave in is probably why he is upset about it.

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:48 PM

It may only be a spoon, but you just showed her that, if one parent says no, to go to the other because the answer might change. Consistency is the key. We do it with DD, if DH says no, then i go along with it. Sure later i would of talked to DH and said it would of been OK for her to have a spoon, but you don't under mind the other parent in front of the child. 

 IAmPregnant Ticker

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:48 PM

 i would of done the same as you, its a spoon!!

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:50 PM

I honestly think that this is one of the dumbest things to fight over. I see both sides though, but it's still dumb.

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:50 PM

I think the issue isn't about the spoon - your DH feels that you undermined his authority with DD.  (not saying you are - just that that is how he is looking at it)  You need to sit and talk with him about it - it sounds to me like the fork/spoon thing was just a stupid issue that came up and he took it as an opportunity to exert authority.  Which is fine, but I mean, cmon - eating corn with a fork?  :-P

My DH was the same way and we just talked and came to an agreement about what situations were appropriate to turn into discipline issues with the kids. Example: Asking for a spoon instead of a fork?  Not a big deal as long as the food is being eaten.  Asking for a 2nd or third spoon for the same meal - unacceptable.   

You just need to talk with him (not in front of the kids) and explain that you are sorry that you went against him, but that you don't want to make such a big deal over a spoon, ya know?

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:52 PM

The spoon itsself is not a big deal, the fact that he told her no and then you said it was okay is. If it were reversed I'm sure you wouldn't have appreciated being undermined. Even though the spoon wasn't a big deal - you basically instilled that she can go to you after your DH says no.


by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:54 PM

Presenting a unified front does not mean you have to support stupid decisions. It is a fork and she is 6.

When my older son was 8, my now ex husband was helping our son with homework because I was recovering from a serious accident. I heard all sorts of yelling and I finally heard my son say, "Go ask mom." My husband told him to put a certain answer on his homework. The problem is, the answer was WRONG. My husband got mad at me because I did not support him. I told him I drew the line at giving our son wrong information just to make him feel good about himself. I could not change basic math principles. 

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