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Just a ramble...

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:45 PM
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 I'm watching Grey's Anatomy reruns on Lifetime and this one is hitting hard. ( I've never watched the show so I'm pretty lost as to who's who... ) The redhead guy,Hunt?  was dreaming and started choking his gf in his sleep... Then later was staring at the helicopter propellers and started to go back.... That scares me so bad. I really do think my husband has PTSD. I've never told anyone this.... When I was preg with my son one night we ( husband and his friends, not me...) and by the time we got ready for bed, Hubby had thrown up ( he always does... it makes the world stop spinning for him to be able to go to sleep and not wake up with a headache ) so we figured everything was good. He was laying on the floor that night just talking while I was in the bed. He keep saying I love you I love you... then it changed to I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry. I asked him for what and he stopped talking "to" me. He was still talking but he wasn't aware of it. He told me a horrible story without realising it. I was  on the bed crying just talking to him telling him he was home with his wife and new baby.... Finally one of his friends walked by to go to the bathroom I guess and heard me crying. They knocked and I yelled for them to come in but be careful. When they came in they thought he was joking... then they realised he wasn't. They keep asking if I was ok... I was fine, he never touched me. I ran past them to get my BIL who lived with us at the time. He was deployed with my husband and knew exactly what my husband was talking about. When I got back in the bedroom something in my husband snapped and he was fighting with his friend. My BIL grabbed him and yelled at him right in his ear to wake up and throw up. For some reason my BIL voice brought him back and he was fine. He has a huge scar on his back from that fight and still to this day has no clue about it. He was fine the rest of the night but in the morning had no clue what happen... just keep asking why his back was hurting. My BIL and my husband made me swear this story never left our bedroom.  That was two years ago...  Last year, today actually, we had to put our Pitbull down. She got ballsie and snapped at DH that morning so I said enough and I wanted her gone. Hubby refused to take her to a shelter or anything like that so he came home loaded her up in the truck and took her out to the farm....... this was his baby. He loved her so much.....  When he got home he was covered in blood and so was the gun. I never asked what exactly happened. He cleaned the gun and went and sat outside on the porch with A beer. He was talking about her and I was just listening to him... Then I could see it starting again. He started getting hunched over ducking his head low... a car flew past our house and DH threw his bottle at them. Thankfully he missed but the glass when everywhere. He walked out to the road and picked most of it up and just wondered around like he was lost. I yelled at him to relax and that kind of brought him back. He sat back down with me and a few min later started again... He started screaming things I had no clue about... I left him outside and ran in again for my BIL again... He just sat there with him talking. I had no clue what they were talking about. But he went into fight mode again and BIL bear hugged him down to the ground right as the neighbors were pulling up in their driveway with the kids. They looked at me to see if everything was ok and shook my head no so they grabbed the kids and ran inside. A few min later hubby was fine. He was sitting out front drinking some water and the neighbor came out to smoke. DH walked over there with us close behind. She looked worried that he was coming over plus their dog was going nuts ( she knew what was happening earlier that day ) He apologize for it happening outside in front of the kids. Neighbors husband saw us outside so he came out and the kids followed. Husband played catch with the 5 yr old for a few hours and was fine after wards... 

 This deployment we kicked BIL out for other reason's... I'm scared when he comes back something's going to happen and I'm not going to know how to snap him out of it. This has been an awful deployment and he's only 3 months in.  I'm so scared for him. If he does snap again I'll be calling my aunt for her advice, she's a Ret. First SGT.  I will be reporting another break if it happens... I just don't know what to do.... 

 

 BTW... this will probobaly be deleted before the end of the night ...

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 8:45 PM
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