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What would you think of a mom & kids who's ex/dad is in prison??

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:17 PM
  • 12 Replies

I hate admitting it -- but my kid's dad is in prison. I NEVER thought I'd know anyone in prison, much less my own kids dad...... They don't know thats where he is.

I generally don't tell people because I think it is really trashy and I don't want it to reflect badly on me and the kids. It seems that someone would think I was equally trashy for being with someone who went to prison.....

The story behind it is basically he went crazy and got all violent with me and started doing messed up illegal stuff -- I had him removed from the house. Then, rather than being a wake-up call he just decided to sell drugs -- like a LOT of drugs, bad drugs...... and live this life of crime, guns, drugs, prostitution and who knows what else -- He was gone maybe 3 years and ended up in prison.

I was never involved in any of it - I raised hell when he brought any of that bs home and it wasnt here for very long.  But it reflects really badly on me that I was with someone of such low moral character..... and my poor kids.... spawned by a looser like that ----- we were together 10 years and that stuff wasn't going on until there at the end.... or at least not that I knew of.....

I was just wondering if you'd think someone was trashy, immoral, etc. if you found that out about them & their kids....... I know you can say that its not the kid's fault who thier parents are, but there are kids from families I really don't want MY kids associateing with because I don't like the things the kids say and are exposed to.... I'd hate to think people judge my kids like that --- I make sure no one at their schools know, only a few close friends/family -- and CM's know...

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:19 PM

Honestly I would think that you may be a poor judge of character.

HelloKittyCrazy
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:20 PM

 I wouldn't think anything honestly. My sons bio dad is in prison. He's a petifile.... I did not know that before i married him to clarify before i get bashed all to hell and back . if you need someone to talk to that understands exactly what its like pm me anytime.

Just_Bethy
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:20 PM

 I wouldn't think anything off it ...YOU didn't do anything and your children sure didn't!!!...I might feel a bit sorry for you having to go through that ..but I'd keep that to myself...I wouldn't be crass enough to mention it..unless you needed a friends shoulder to cry on....Love and Light to you and your children....

KimGsMommi
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:21 PM

I wouldn't think you were trashy/immoral, etc, mainly because I'm in somewhat of the same situation myself. My daughters dad is in jail. He seems to like it cause he goes in about every 6 months. When I got pregnant with my first I was younger and just dumb, I thought I was in love....and just let him run over me. With my youngest, He talked a good game and I fell for it again. In november I finally got the balls to go to child support court,  and 2 weeks after I got the order for it, he lost his job, about a month after that he went back to jail. Truthfully, I dont care what anyone thinks about it, unless they want to help me or give me good advice. I know that I made some bad choices, and obviously wish I would have chosen a better man for their dad. However, now I'm doing the best I can, and trying to bring them up to be respectful. By the way, when he was not in jail, he never wanted to see them, and they dont really know who he is. Sad to me. But I think it's for the best. Sorry for ramblin on...But no I wouldn't be judgemental to someone in the same situation or worse, as me.

shecallsmemom04
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:22 PM

 i feel bad that those children will grow up without their father.  but that is NOT your fault, it's his.

 judging by your avatar picture(which i assume are your children) they look happy, healthy, taken care of, well rounded, and stable.  and that is because of YOU.  you should be proud.

will fight for animals

HotCouture
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:22 PM

Well my dd's step mom (well her dad's gf) is in the same situtation. Her kids dad is in prison. I don't know her enough to judge but I do hope she is not that way, for my dd's sake.

3earthangels
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 10:23 PM

I don't think a whole lot about it as long as the mom and kids are decent. My ex is in prison for fraud ( he is illegal). That really has no baring on me or the kids. I do/did not tell the kids though because I work at a prison and they believe that only bad people go there for a very long time out and I help them get better. It was hell tryng to explain to them that my sister and BIL weren't bad, they just made horrible choices. And now they know better and are doing better. I'd much rather not go through that about him.

oporb
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:11 PM

Thanks -- your replies make me feel a bit better that I'm not the only one -- In my defense I was 17 when I got with him, now when I meet men I ASK if they've ever been to jail asap!!! -looking back, tehre were so many red flags but I didn't understand what they meant -- like he said he'd rather go to jail then pay his traffic tickets -- I can't even count how many times he got arrested for dumb traffic warrants and I'd have to get my friends to drive across town to go get his car etc..... something is seriously wrong with someone who does that - but they were just for speeding or stop signs, petty little tickets he refused to pay....

I still dont want the kids or school to know..... generally friends are supportive - I guess I worry we'll be the topic of gossip and people will judge my kids.

I certainly try and raise them right, polite, well-rounded, MORAL..... etc. Its hard knowing I have to go above and beyond to make up for the stuff their dad exposes them to. It hasn't been anything too bad YET, just throwing trash out teh car window and stuff but I know its coming when they end up seeing him again.

I am lucky he got in all this trouble while we were going through our divorce so I have sole custody, he has to pay CS but has zero rights to even contact the kids - I let them see him (before he left), but can cut it off at any point.

Oh and WOW to HelloKitty -- I can't imagine finding THAT out...... makes me feel a bit better LOL!!!

lostandfound34
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:15 PM

So if we were neighbors, would you let your kids play with mine or not because my CURRENT husband was in prison?  He made a mistake when he was young he paid for it now is a working class man raising my kids with me. My kids are well mannered, social kids. They dont steal or do drugs or any thing outside normal kid stuff

oporb
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 2:11 AM

I personally wouldn't have an issue unless he was a child molester, rapist, murderer, etc. in which  case (if the kids were nice/well behaved) I would probably tell my kids not to be there when he was there or just have you /your kids to my house. If it was just drugs or some other 'dumb kid' stuff and he is a good husband/father I wouldnt have a problem... we all did dumb stuff when we were young, some of us worse than others --- My ex didn't go to prison until he was 37 - Thats NOT being young and stupid!!

I have issues with some of these kids in my dd's Kindergarten who talk about sex and stuff kids just shouldn't know or talk about  - I'd have a huge issue with my kids being around a racist family... those are the kids I think are trashy and don't want my kids being around

Quoting lostandfound34:

So if we were neighbors, would you let your kids play with mine or not because my CURRENT husband was in prison?  He made a mistake when he was young he paid for it now is a working class man raising my kids with me. My kids are well mannered, social kids. They dont steal or do drugs or any thing outside normal kid stuff


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