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Would you let him take her? (update)

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:41 PM
  • 45 Replies

Ok so my fiance and I broke up Sunday the day after our 6 year anniversary. He apparently had been seeing this girl for a few weeks before he decided
to end it with me. Whatever. Well he wanted to take our daughter for a week this summer and I don't want him to bring my daughter around his new
girlfriend especially before I get to meet this woman (who btw is like 7 years older then us). But I know if he takes our daughter he will bring her
around this woman and her kids. 





My daughter gets attached to people very easily. And when they disappear for whatever reason she asks me why she can't see them. Like my brother
ex-girlfriend was really attached to Emmy but my brother don't want her come visit Emmy and Emmy gets upset. Or Robert's dad's ex girlfriend and
her kids she asks every time she's in KY if she can see them. So I don't want this to happen again because its hard on her. Which I am pretty sure
it will happen because Robert is only in relationships (besides ours) for the honeymoon stage and then he's gone. But right now he is convinced he's serious with this girl so he will take our child around her. 



Update: So I let him take her from Wednesday night til Sunday (fathers day)and Thursday he broke up with his girlfriend. Which I thought was odd because Sunday when I picked up my dd I was supposed to meet his gf. But whatever. It has been about a month now so its the usual time frame. Huh what do ya know..lol I just wanted to give that little update that I was civil and let him see our dd and I even sucked it up and hung out for a bit to let him visit with ds. Yay me for being civil.

I don't want to let her go but she wants to see her daddy..I just don't know what to do..

I'm Stacy. I'm a 20 year old mommy of a beautiful little girl (5/11/06) and a handsome little boy (11/22/09). I disposable diaper and breastfeed. I wear my son and he loves it! He is circumsised. I had 2 hospital births, one was completely without interventions. I have postpartum depression. I'm a molestation survivor. I wasted 6 years on my kids father who is a piece of sh!+. I was/am a teen mom and proud, she put me on the right track. I'm a nursing student, working my way to being a Certified Nurse Midwife. I am doing the Biggest Loser Pound for Pound Challenge *30lbs pledged*. I parent my children as indiviuals because they are different kids with different needs. I love myspace and the Twilight Saga (books). I dislike liars and deadbeat parents. I am not a parenting expert and don't know everything. I have an opinion just like you and I respect yours, so please respect mine. I believe in god, but don't attend church. I'm against abortion, but pro-choice. I extended harness my daughter and plan to extended rearface my son. But in the end it all comes down too..*MY KIDS MY CHOICE, YOUR KIDS YOUR CHOICE*...

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nay1228
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:44 PM

This is a tough one... How old is your daughter?

FL2AK
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:45 PM

Others might not agree, but if you do not want him telling you who to have around your child, than you do not get to tell him either.  Eventually you are going to date and want to have someone around.  If he is a good dad then you need to let him have his time with his child with no strings attached.  Separate your relationship with him and his relationship with your daughter.   

lisa37743
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:46 PM

You are going to have to let him take her by himself at some point. And he is going to have her around whomever he pleases. But I would advise you to get a temp parenting plan started and filed before you allow him to take her. If he is on her bc, then he may not have to bring her back and in a lot of places, the cops will do NOTHING. That and he needs to pay court ordered support.

He may say "we can do this without the courts". And you may like the idea, but don't do it. Just too many problems down the road.

Not really an answer to your question, but that's my 2 cents.  

aj23
by Gold Member on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:47 PM

She deserves to spend time with her father. He he wants to spend a week with her and he's able to take care of her properly you should let her go.
If you had a custody agreement in place you wouldn't have a say so in who he sees or what he does when it's his time with her. It sucks but it's something you have to deal with when you aren't with the father anymore.

fwiw I can't stand any of my ex's girlfriends but my son has met every single one of them. I can't do a thing about it other than explain that they are no longer around for whatever reason.

Nay1228
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:48 PM

just read your thing so she just turned 4... I really don't have any advice here because you can't just keep her from him unless he is unfit and you take it to court. Some states have weird laws where even if you weren't married then things can happen which aren't always right. But then if she gets super attached to people you don't want him to meet this other woman and her kids then him dump her and then your daughter annoy the heck outta you asking questions... UGH I hope someone has some advice for you here... I've got it rolling around in my head but I don't know what to tell you. I hope someone on here can give you some advice... maybe you should check into your states laws on custody and go from there. Good luck!

ForeverMeme
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:49 PM

 I agree.

Quoting lisa37743:

You are going to have to let him take her by himself at some point. And he is going to have her around whomever he pleases. But I would advise you to get a temp parenting plan started and filed before you allow him to take her. If he is on her bc, then he may not have to bring her back and in a lot of places, the cops will do NOTHING. That and he needs to pay court ordered support.

He may say "we can do this without the courts". And you may like the idea, but don't do it. Just too many problems down the road.

Not really an answer to your question, but that's my 2 cents.  

 

JoshiRachelsMom
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:52 PM

ASK do not insist to meet this woman before you send your daughter over there. Introduce her as daddy's friend (whateverhername is).

Be the bigger person and try to start off on the right foot -- it's about your daughter now -- not your husband, not you and not her.... (this will not be easy)

Your daughter will appreciate it one day. 

Bekah062205
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:54 PM

well, she needs to learn that people will come and go throughout her life. One of my good friends moved with her daughter from CA to NY and my 3yr old asks where is Bianca all the time....my sister and niece lived with me for a few months and just recently moved back to VA, and my dd keeps asking about my niece. I just tell her they moved to another state, but you can talk to her on the phone. and i leave it at that. This is the childs father you are talking about...he has a right to see her and care for her as do you. I understand you dont want this other woman around, but your ex cant stop his life just because YOU dont like something. Good Luck on the issue though.

All4you
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:55 PM

In my state if you were never married NEITHER PARTY has custody of the child. Meaning you can't stop him from coming and getting her and you can't make him give her back when you think the visits over. If you want custody you have to go to court for custody specifically. Getting child support doesn't mean you have custody either. Weird how each state is sooooo different!

Quoting Nay1228:

just read your thing so she just turned 4... I really don't have any advice here because you can't just keep her from him unless he is unfit and you take it to court. Some states have weird laws where even if you weren't married then things can happen which aren't always right. But then if she gets super attached to people you don't want him to meet this other woman and her kids then him dump her and then your daughter annoy the heck outta you asking questions... UGH I hope someone has some advice for you here... I've got it rolling around in my head but I don't know what to tell you. I hope someone on here can give you some advice... maybe you should check into your states laws on custody and go from there. Good luck!


Godgaveme4
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:58 PM

He is the father so yes i would let my child go with him.  End of story.

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