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Am I doing the right thing?

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:04 PM
  • 16 Replies
Four years ago my ex hubby left me and wanted nothing to do with our son. Even to the point of not paying his child support, and when I took it up with him in court, he tried rear ending me which would have knocked me into traffic at the court house parking lot. He also berated my ex mother in law for having pictures of us up when he moved in. He said he never wanted to see that b!*ch, or that "thing" ever again. He is now in prision and is a born again christian, and wants our son in his life again. Buuut, my boyfriend of the past 3 years and I have been discussing marriage, and he wants to adopt my son as his own, and I want him to. I've already spoken to a lawyer and she says we can get my ex's rights taken away because he is in there for rape and sodomy of his cousin, and I don't want my son to visit him anyway. So, am I doing the right thing by letting my 4 year old call my bf daddy? And should we jerk his biological dad's rights?
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by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
.thickie.thick.
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:07 PM
His "dad" should never ever be around him ever again-RAPE & SODOMY? No way! Fuck that "born again christian" shit...you're still a RAPIST!

I'd go ahead w/ you & your BFs plans & let him adopt him & take all that assholes rights away!
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jothra
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:07 PM

I would. But please let your 4 yr old know about the fact that his daddy will be adopting him. I have a co-worker that is going through this right now and he's 5, getting ready to have her hubby adopt her oldest and he has no clue that his daddy is not his daddy. You need to tell him sooner rather than later. At this age, quick short answers are all the kids are asking for.

calledmomma
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:09 PM

 Knowing these circumstances I can't blame you any for having his rights taken away!  Do what you think is best for your son, it is your job to protect him!

countrygirlkat
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:12 PM

I can't say for sure what I would do but here is what I think I would do.  I think it is important if at all possible for a child to have both birth parents in their lives even if there are step parents.  With that being said I would not ever let my child be alone with your ex.  I would allow him to have supervised visits not for his sake but for your sons sake so when he grows up he won't have millions of questions about his dad not answered.  That way he can know his dad but only in a really safe environment.

I would ask his dad to agree to the supervised visits but still sign over his rights.  The reason I say this is because if something happens to you then there is no chance of your son being sent to live with this convicted rapist and sodomist.  That way if you are married to your bf at some point he can adopt your son and then if something happens to you he can continue to raise him and still allow his bio father the supervised visits.  Your ex has to realize that he made some huge mistakes that have lifelong consequences.  He cannot ever go back to having a normal parent child relationship with his son.  I would give him a chance at some relationship though.

jkleinman
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:14 PM
I would have his rights terminated no matter what happens with your bf.
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SAMNMAYASMOM
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:15 PM

 F*ck him!  Yes, you ARE doing the right thing. Glad you got away from that loser! Yes, take his rights away from him. Men shouldn't get to pick and choose when and IF they want to be a father. If they've made a child, then they need to take care of it regardless. My DD's bio dad has never really been in her life. Luckily I found DH when she was only about 7 or 8 months old. He's been her daddy ever since. We JUST got married, so we're gonna see about taking the rights away from her sperm donor. He's never given me money, he's never come to see her but maybe like 3 or 4 times in her 6 1/2 years of life. Then, about 6 months ago, he sent me a message saying he wanted to be in her life. Pfft. Too late buddy. Too late. Plus, he's a flake, so we said that he can only see her if he goes to court and pays child support. I haven't heard anything yet, so I doubt he was even serious. Loser.

Brianav
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:16 PM
Yank that rapists rights!
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Summer0216
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:16 PM

well I was going to say that he deserves a second chance, until I read the rape and sodomy part. How old is his cousin? I say because of that no way would I let him see my child. I don't believe behaviors like that just go away. If your bf loves him and wants to adopt him then good for you guys! That's great!

mykidsrock234
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:20 PM

Me too.. but yeah I would never ever let my child be around him again. 

Quoting Summer0216:

well I was going to say that he deserves a second chance, until I read the rape and sodomy part. How old is his cousin? I say because of that no way would I let him see my child. I don't believe behaviors like that just go away. If your bf loves him and wants to adopt him then good for you guys! That's great!


nebraskamomto2
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2010 at 12:21 PM

 Yeah, I was wishy washy until I read that he was in jail for rape and sodomy.  Take his rights away please, he should never be allowed around your child again. 

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